Resentment causing nosedive in libido.

[VacuumStaysOffKnickersStayOn]

Name changer. If your DP doesn't pull his weight around the house, does your sex life suffer? I'm not withholding sex as a punishment, but feel that if he did a bit more, I'd be willing to cast off my pyjamas now and again.

Depends what else is going on?
Eg:
My OH does nothing around the house and if she tries to do anything I'll stop her. She works, I stay home and look after LO.
In my head that's 50/50 and fair as she's the bread winner, she works hard so when she home she should relax and do very little.

If we both worked, or both stayed home, then it'd be a different split.
Either way I wouldnt 'resent' her, life's too short. By the time I've moaned and stressed and resented her for not doing whatever, I could have done it myself and saved the energy.

He works full time, I work part time. Kids are all older. Just feel that his work out of the home is all he expects to do. I am willing to do more as I work less, but having sex sometimes feel like just another thing on my 'to do list'.

Yep, the most important sexual organ lives between our ears, NOT our legs.

Sex should not be something you do 'for' him, but something you enjoy together and feeling as part of a team in the less pleasant parts of life facilitates that.

Now, when you figure out how to achieve that, please let me know

It is honestly the only thing we row about. He is currently washing the dishes. He'll think he's onto a promise tonight!

I know where you're coming from OP, just thought I'd chip in since no one else has agreed with you.

I sometimes feel resentful because DH will walk past a sink full of dishes to go for a smoke, press rubbish into a full bin, walk past clean washing on the stairs, throw his boxers under the bed or in the bottom of the wardrobe etc.

When I've finished running round after him and looking after DD I'm too tired to get out of my pj's too. I could ask him to help, but getting a response "yeah, in 10 minutes" or having to re-wash dinner plates just drives me nuts.

I think you know you're being taken for granted and you feel pissed off and disrespected and they're not conducive to feeling sexy. I don't think you're using sex against him as such, but if you felt loved and appreciated you might feel more loving!

Precisely jbee. He's agreed he does nothing. He has said he'll make more of an effort. But he has 'thingsthatobviouslyneeddone blindness'. He always seems so shocked when I erupt, because we rarely disagree, only now and again do I get really angry at being taken for granted and unappreciated. The jury remains out.

Jbee, I totally and utterly agree with the OP
And you fwiw

I would agree with you op. Been married 16 yrs and 1 yr ago I had to put a chore rota as I was constantly having to remind others of everyday shit that needed doing (if I didnt ask it wouldn't get done or I would have to do it all myself) which I think is typical for most married couples I know. Infuriatingly I STILL have to remind/cajole dh sometimes as it seems having it written in black and white on the kitchen wall is not enough for him to give a shit. (E.g. reminding him at teatime thats hes supposed to be doing the clothes wash and drying which then takes him until late at night, whereas if he put a load on first thing in the morning it would all be done by midday).
His go-to excuse for everything is 'oh sorry, I forgot' and everytime he says it I lose a bit more respect for him which obviously has a massive impact on my urge to have sex with him. Suppose I could make this very clear to him but I suspect hes not really as dumb as he likes to appear sometimes.
Phew! Sorry for my ramble, I'm off to 'forget' to cook at all this week ??

I wouldn't feel like shagging a lazy beggar either

I don't get turned on by some bloke taking the piss

So we're agreed that this is a 'thing' that some people have a problem with. Glad some other posters get what the issue is. We just need to deal with that issue now. .