Seperating..how to do it so this times for real???

[ebbie22]

Finally am strong enough to leave,but as i have no where to go yet,dh has to go...But what do i need to do/sort out before he goes....??
I dont open up to many people and the people i have cant answer what i need to know...Can anyone help..

what sort of thing do you mean - legal stuff? do you have children? are you married? do you own your home or do you rent? do you both work? do you think he is going to fight dirty?

Thanks for replying,not sure how long i have until internet gets disconnected,but will still try and pop on whenever i can...
Yes married,with 2 dd,own house...yes i guess i just need to know what i am entitled to ....i am asahm..he is just starting a new job in a different area so it works out well for him to move..

If you are a sahm you need to organise what you are going to live on, see what benefits you are entitled to (sooner rather than later as thses things take ages)
Are you able to talk to OH about maintenance/mortgage payments, if so have this discussion, make an appointment with either a solicitor or citens advice to find where you stand legally in regard to the house and frawing up a leagl seperation.

Sorry you are having to go through this and I hope it works out for you.

thank u,we have deciede for now that all bills etc will be paid morgage etc,but he is not happy...and i dont blame him really,but he has taken a new job in another area and i cannot move with him considering how we are together...
I have been to cab and until we sell the house i cant get any help with rent etc....and although i couldnt give 2 hoots now for the house i have to think of my kids,and what is best for them(i know people say to stay together,but cannot do that..) so for the time being we are just seperating and still hopefully being here for our kids...
I am so messed up in my head and have noone in rl that i can talk to,as i am one of these people that bottles EVERYTHING up{half the reason we got here in the 1str place i know}...

ebbie, you should really think about getting some advice from a solicitor. Who owns your house?
Do you have a separate bank account - if not, open one as soon as you can. Both you & your H will need to make a list of all your assets & debts. You should also make a list of all your expenditure:
supermarket shop
household supplier bills (gas, elec, telephone etc)
council tax
insurances - car & household
kids clothes & shoes
your clothes & shoes
travel - if any above & beyond car

Under no circumstances whatsoever leave the house at this stage.
Keep posting on here, lots of us have been through this.

i cant he has said he is going today,laptop and all.....
I will still get 250 a month for everything after bills and morg been paid,....i will try and get on to df p.c when i can....

pls keep the advice coming,gotta go now and dh taking p.c later so will catch up asap xxxx thanks

Hi, Ebbie.

Any chance of you getting a pt job? If so you'll get working and child tax credits which will give you a decent income. You're entitled to child maintenance of 20% of husband's net income and maybe spousal maintenance for yourself.

If you don't want to work/can't work, get yourself on income support as soon as he moves out, unless you've agreed on a spousal/child mtce package which will cover all the bills long term. How much equity in the property? It may be more appropriate to do a Mesher Order whereby you and the kids stay there long term and the house is sold when youngest child is 18, at which point dh will get a share of the equity.

You really should get yourself a solicitor sorted out NOW. Try resolution.org.uk, the national assoc. of family specialist lawyers to find a local solicitor. You may get 1st free half hour, and may be entitled to legal aid.

using my friends computer so pls reply,i need advice from EVERYONE as i just dont talk in r.l...things have got real bad today and i dont know where to go from here...i know to get back a little freedom we have to sell the house,he works in the sector so how do i go about it...i dont have any of the info of the morgage but know i am on the deeds....havent much info on housing benfit....but desp for advice xxxt i a

Go and see a solicitor - either get a recommendation from a friend or just use the yellow pages for a local one (where are you). They will usually give you the first consultation free to discuss your situation and your options. Have you any family you can talk to?

thank you for ur reply,got to go now..will try and keep checking....no just 2 real gd friends who havent been in the same situation....many thanks

You should also register your details onto freecycle. Try get another computer. Might be your life-line. Good luck

My local library has internet access so this might be worth checking out as it's somewhere you can go for info too. You say your friends haven't been through this, but I would still talk to them, even if it's just for moral support rather than specific advice. If they are good friends they would want to know what you are going through and just be there for you. Wish you lots of luck.

Your local council website should have a housing benefit calculator.

Try www.ondivorce.co.uk - full of people with lots and lots of very personal experience of separation and divorce, and quite a few experts. You need to be a bit clearer about what kind of help and advice you are looking for - what exactly do you want to know right now?. Internet access at library is dead cheap, and also at LearnDirect centres

Right now i need legal advice ASAP........HE HAS MOVED BACK IN,THE NIGHT B4 MY DS FIRST BDAY,.....
aND I HAVE JUST APPLIED FOR BENIFITS WHAT WILL HAPPEN NOW???

ebbie you MUST be clearer if you want answers to questions. Do you want him to leave or stay? do you want to know about money and entitlements? we need more information if we are going to help you

If you are not living as husband and wife, you are still entitled to benefits as a single mother. But you have to work harder to convince them that you are not just taking the piss and they may refuse your application.
You need more advice from solicitor/CAB, though.

i needed to know about the legal side of things to seperate,and no i dont want a relationship with him anymore,i do realise that mn cannot help me anymore as donot internet access enough to get the info i need quick enough BUT THANK YOU all for the help i have recieved,he has moved bk in against my wishes but until the house is sold there is nothing i can do...we are living two seperate lives,and for now we are managing ok by one of us being there for the kids one at a time so we are not together all the time...thank you once again xx