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Relationships

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Original poster

Equality or not?

8 replies

NYcicles · 05/12/2006 22:40

My MIL tries to make her children's lives more "equal" by buying lots of things for SIL and her daughter and helping them/ taking them out lots because SIL's DH is rubbish with money, has debt from before they were together and doesn't earn as much as my DH (-SIL also buys things that she can't really afford). We, on the other hand, are careful with our money and only have a mortgage to deal with plus my DH is doing pretty well in his career.

On the other hand, my parents, myself, and also, oddly, MIL's parents, are all about giving the same to their children. Where do you stand on this one?

OP posts:

jasper · 05/12/2006 23:43

Each to their own.

Quite kind of her really to help out the poorer feckless branch of the family a little more!

It's not the kids' fault their parents are not good with money so it is thoughtful of her to even things up a bit.

tc58 · 06/12/2006 08:29

You can see why she does it, but I can imagine it must make you seethe. I think it's OK to even things up for the grandchildren but not to support your feckless sil and bil.

mumblechum · 06/12/2006 09:49

My parents do this as well, given my sis about £40k over last few years and forever bailing her (grown up) kids out of debt.

It doesn't bother me, tbh, we're in same financial positn as OP, don't need anyone to help us and I'm happy for them to help out my sis & her kids if it makes them happy, which I know it does.

They occasionally send us a chq for a few grand because they obviously feel they should even things out, but we just don't bank them. Not sure if they've ever noticed!

multitasker · 06/12/2006 09:58

I find it hard not to be judgemental when my Mum bales out my sis from time to time, she has a good job but has no concept of budgeting. However as mumblechum says I think if it makes my Mum happy to help out it's really none of my buisness. There is usually one family member who leans on their parents financially, and I suppose it's the older generations perogative what to do.

theUrbanDryadWithSparklyWings · 06/12/2006 10:34

wow, wonder what it's like to not notice if a cheque for a few grand hasn't been banked!!

Original poster

NYcicles · 06/12/2006 21:11

Thanks tc58 - yes it does make me seethe. SIL and her husband aren't poor; they're just not doing quite as well as we are. MIL even tries to get us to buy/ pay for things for SIL. This year my DH didn't even get a birthday present from his parents or is SIL, though I'm not sure why. DH didn't mind at least but this sort of inequality really winds me up!

Thanks also to those who think MIL is fine to be evening things up - it is interesting to know that others don't find it odd/ annoying, etc.!

OP posts:

UnquietDad · 07/12/2006 13:25

You can be crap with money without actually being feckless. Some people just can't do money and need financial help, others can't do relationships and need emotional support. It's about helping different people in diferent ways.

NOELallie · 07/12/2006 13:33

If one of my children was having a hard time I'd want to help them out too. My mil has spent ages looking after her youngest DD's kids and hardly ever does the same for ours - because her DD needed the help more than we did. No big deal.

Look on it as a compliment - she thinks that you and your DH are capable and doing well.

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