Dating a guy with a wandering eye

[blushingbelinda]

Not a guy who's after every woman but a guy with eyes that point in two different directions! Which one do you focus on? I'm finding it so befuddling. I look at him & he's got one eye out the window. It really messes with my head. It's not a small mis-adjustment either, his eyes are wide apart & a lot of communication is the eyes. He's a perfectly nice chap so far. Just finding it difficult.

i don't think it was as bad as you describe but a bf of mine had a slight misalignment in the eyes, sometimes, when he was tired. It wasn't a problem though, I didn't wonder which eye to look out. I think it was just momentary, so it didn't go on and on leaving me with the problem of which eye to look in to. Is he aware of it? the man I was seeing, I didn't mention it because I honestly didn't know if he knew.

If you like him, I suppose you will just get used to it and it will be 'him'. My DS head teacher had eyes like that, but now when I ever talk to her, I just don't notice it any more.

I talk to her face and watch things like her hand gestures, mouth, back to the eyes...etc

I don't know... but I'm blind in one eye, and when I get tired I know the blind eye sometimes wanders... my husband knows which eye I can see out of, so he just looks into that.

But it has worried me how strangers react, and I do find it difficult to connect to people when I first meet them. I think it's because of my eyes.

I would talk to him about it. If it's obvious, then he'll be aware of it.

my FIL has this, one of his eyes wanders off. I find it a bit disconcerting

I'm pretty sure he knows! Not everyone is polite enough not to mention such things and a lot of people are just plain rude. I had a friend at school with an eye like this and while we didn't care most other people at school seemed to think it was perfectly fine to come up, not even say hello and ask her "Why do you look in two different directions?" "Why is your eye weird?" etc.

Look at the eye which is looking at you, and give it some time to see if you get used to it. Our brains tend to put up a danger/panic instinct when we see somebody who looks different to how we expect, but you know that his eye doesn't make him dangerous, so you probably just need to give it some time for your brain/expectation to catch up to that.

If it's early days then you don't even know if you like him as a person yet! :) I think you are worrying over nothing. Either you'll get used to it and he'll turn out to be really nice and you'll wonder what you were worried about, or he'll be nice but it will always distract you, and you'll end it, or he'll turn out to be a plonker, nothing to do with his eye, and you'll end it anyway.

I would be awful in this situation and ask them about it.

"Are you looking at me now?"
"How about now?"

Etc. Then they would dump me.

You just look at the eye looking at you. And just like any visual difference, you don't need to talk about it, because he'll be horribly aware of it already.

ChiefInspectorBarnaby - would you really be so terribly cruel to someone?

The way you put it is quite amusing.

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

I think ChiefInspectorBarnaby was being light hearted! One of my eyes drifts when I'm tired or drunk. My husband uses it as a sign that it's time to go and calls is the "gozzywonk"!

This isn't a minor thing, he has one eye normal & the other right round the other side. I wonder if his vision matches up like a normal person? Or does he have an extra wide field of view?

Ask him which his dominant eye is and look at that one.

Tip: most right handed people are also right 'eyed'.

Speak to him; that's usually the answer