Total first-world problem. But is it harsh to just drop this guy?

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Met a guy online, seemed nice, had four lovely dates. Knew he wasn't looking for anything too intense but when I pushed him on the third date he actually said all he really wanted was a friends with benefits type thing. No commitment. He worded it very frilly but that is what he described I said whilst I didn't want anything intense either I can't do no strings, just not wired that way. So we said the whole "lets be friends" thing and left it at that. So that's the background.

We stopped talking for a week and I deleted him off everything (social media stuff) and that was ok then I got a message asking why. Said he was upset and didn't want to throw away the possibility of friends as we had so much in common. He said he meant it about staying in contact and maybe doing the odd thing together (we had a lot in common). I thought the let's be friends thing was just a platitude like it normally is, you know. So fair enough and we arranged to maybe meet up when my DS is away this half term (at his dad's for Halloween) but he's being super flaky (can't say for sure about anything ever) and I don't like to waste my free time on flaky people, ever. I don't have any flaky friends and that's deliberate. And any conversation is now really one sided, in that he just talks about himself and is a bit rude, cuts you off about stuff etc.

So despite him making a big thing about us having loads in common it's not that harsh if I just drop out of contact is it? I don't normally make friends out of OD. It's you like them and go on more dates or it's not for you and you stop contacting each other

(And yes I know this is a tiny tiny problem compared to most stuff on this board but it's just a weird situation to be in and I've had a tonne of essay deadlines & things with DS this week and my brain is fried ).

Haha very true. He reminds me of another guy I dated back in Feb. Said he only wanted to screw around, I said no thanks, then he said he'd like to stay friends and propositioned me again anyway. There's giving the benefit of the doubt then there's ignoring the obvious.

He wants to keep you on his list of women who might be up for 'casual fun' at some point

Well done, and I agree with Dowager that even just the flaky and rude elements were enough to make this guy no friend of yours.

And, listen, as much as we all love a good flaky/rude/fuckbuddywannabee fred, please stop putting yourself down! The right to determine your own destiny, who has access to your ladybits, who even gets the time if day from you, are YOUR right! Just because anybody's starving anywhere doesn't invalidate that.

On a lighter note, YouTube or Spotify (or whatever) Weird All Yankovich's song First World Problems for some truly hilarious examples of them. (Spoiler: yours isn't one of them!)

Haha ok. That sounds worth a watch

His response was pretty funny...and proves my point

After days of weird short messages he decides he's "done trying, good luck with life or whatever".

Oo such a charmer. I don't know how I ever resisted

He's a lazy bastard who just wants to shag, as a relationship is far too.much effort for him.
Why should you give him your time and or the pleasure of your friendship .

After days of weird short messages he decides he's "done trying, good luck with life or whatever

He thinks He's still in with a chance and so is being polite in hopes of keeping you sweet

Well I'm not replying anyway. I politely said friends wasn't for me but good luck with everything. Don't need to say anything else to each other.

I should probably give dating a break. I've met a string of people who would make the thickest skinned people wince after a while. And I'm ok by myself too so it's not exactly essential. It'd just be nice to meet someone nice one day

He's 'done trying'...? Done trying getting you into bed for a FWV arrangements you never wanted?

Good.

FWB

Haha, at last a woman with some intelligence, these men are so predictable, you weren't good enough to have a relationship with but he valued you so much he wanted to remain friends, yes ok then haha, he was definitely hoping for a shag, sad bastard.

Don't give up ..just feel.confident that you know what you want, it will save you a load of time in the long run. knowing that you can spot an eeedjit from a mile off .
Date , dump move on ...Goodluck