Has anyone got over their mum not really approving of them as a person or loving them properly?

[MyMother]

The week before last, something happened which made me realise my Mother doesn't really approve of me, my way of life, who I am.

This has formed who I am. Has anyone ever got over this?

I got past it only a couple of weeks ago. My mother had unrecognised PND when she had me and until a couple of years ago was flinching when I went to kiss her. She also took the side of my conman of a second husband when we split.

What tipped me over? I mentioned that I was putting up a male work colleague of my daughter's partner for a couple of weeks. She asked how old he was, I said late 40s and said he was married with children. Her immediate sneering response was "Oh no, not again four! That's never stopped you in the past" I was furious. I have never been the person she thinks I am. I met my third husband over 20 years ago, he died 6 years ago. She has it in her head that I am some sort of predatory home wrecker who thinks with her fanny. Insulting to both me and to my visitor. My DS, bless her (we share the same sense of humour thank goodness), joked that I should be flattered she thinks that an obese 60 year old can be such a cock magnet! I think (D)M is a cunt and I am done with her.

God it feels good writing that down.

pallasathena

There is a major difference between disapproving of an action and disapproving of someone as a person.

FolkGirl I've seen your posts around and I think you're amazing. I really hope I can build the kind of relationships with my dc that you've managed.

I fled my parents home for Uni 20 years ago or so and never went back. It's only recently that I've begun to see how badly my mother's open dislike has affected me, it's held me back all my life even when, especially when, I've just tried to ignore it and get on. I'm another one who was just disliked from birth, nothing to do with anything I did, and even though I realised early on with half of myself that I never could please her the other buried half couldn't let it go. Never 'got over it', no, but I think at 40 having finally noticed that buried other half's existence I might finally begin to. On a good day at least.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl - Actions speak louder than words, by his actions your son is demonstrating that you are lovable and that he trusts you and your judgement. Would you ever knowingly, willingly betray the trust your son has in you? If, as I suspect, the answer is no then you are nowhere close to all bad.

At nearly 17 I wouldn't have trusted my mothers opinion on the weather, never mind on something important in my life. I couldn't even trust her to arrange a meal safe for me to eat (I still can't).

sad stories, name changing back now but ta.

fourquenelles at least you can tell your mother can't see her as you are far too busy shagging the lodger

I did sleep around in my late teens/early twenties. Sounds like I am making excuses for my behaviour but looking back I just wanted to feel wanted