Not sure where to start really. Been with dh 18 years, 2 dc aged 8 and 3. I think we are both equally to blame for our situation. Currently living in European country due to his work. He's always been a workaholic but it has got worse over the years. He leaves at 7.30 and gets home anytime between 7.30 and 10ish. He then eats (we've usually eaten by then) helps with teeth and bed (he only ever does the oldest though) and usually heads into his office at home and works a bit more. He often works from home on at least one weekend day and is always checking emails. He travels frequently. We can go through a day having spoken only a handful of words. We go to bed at different times. We do not have a physical relationship and haven't for around 3 and a half years (since pg with dc2). We don't cuddle and it's a quick peck at bedtime to say goodnight. I did not want to move over here but felt my choice was that or separation. It was an extremely painful time. We dont talk. I have a lot of built up resentment both at him and myself on how we have dealt with our relationship over the years. We have never been on an equal footing financially. I have a biggish overdraft in the UK due to me paying more than I could afford on childcare and food when dc 2 was at nursery in the uk. We tried to talk at the time but it just dissolved into rows each time so I just closed myself off and dealt with it. Other similar things have happened over the years hence the resentment and lack of communication. Basically work comes first then the kids then me.
If I felt we ultimately wanted the same things maybe I wouldn't feel like this. I want my life to be sociable, lunches with family and friends, kids seeing their friends (a lot of whom have parents who are also friends), I'd quite like a dog. I would prefer cheaper lifestyle and do not particularly feel the need to buy shit every time I go into the nearest town. I want (and had prior to leaving) a job that I enjoyed and was varied but not too pressured/ stressful (been there,done that, didn't like it). Most of all I want to go home. Not necessarily our actual house but back to the UK.
He is all about work and instant gratification when shopping, he thinks eating out 2-3 times a week is normal. He loves that hes moved abroad and makes snarky comments about how people back home haven't grown like he has as they are still living the same lives. Im pretty sure he will want to go to another country rather than go home when it is time.
I'll be honest I feel I've pretty much checked out of this relationship at least 50% of the time. Dont get me wrong, he is a lovely guy and we have a similar sense of humour and I do care about him but i would say i love but I'm not in love. I am pretty much stuck here due to contractual obligations of the job for around another 18 months. I need to spend this time working out wtf I am going to do. I cant get a job here outside of the home due to how childcare works here (I basically live in the 1950s to 1970s here) but have luckily been offered a work from home part time job for a friend.
If you are still reading this then any help or advice would be lovely. Im so lonely and whilst my friends here have partners who work a lot, I dont feel I can talk to them about this.