How to be more assertive?

[CherryLambrini]

I appreciate this is not a big issue but it got me thinking!

I was chatting online earlier to a guy on an online dating site. We'd been messaging regularly for about ten days but during conversation he was leaving longer and longer before replying, when it got to 30 minutes without a reply I told him I was going and signed out. He has not been in touch since and I'd imagine he won't be.

I thought though afterwards that I was glad I did something rather than passively accepting it and saying nothing. My boss also spoke to me earlier this year about being more assertive at work and this is something I would really like to work on.

Does anyone have any suggestions or tips for how to be more assertive and how to know when it is necessary - I'm a very passive person in general (my childhood was EA and I'm already having counselling for anxiety). I have seen that there are lots of books available but a recommendation would be good if anyone has one :)

I think the realisation that you are as good as anyone else helps you become more assertive.
Also the fact that we are not really very important to anyone else except ourselves, and understanding that this fact applies to everyone, helps.

People are interested in them selves. It takes a really fairly momentous event for them to be very interested in you.

The most important person to YOU should be YOU. You have an inner voice that tells you what to do and you need to listen to it.

When someone asks you to do something, ask your self ' do I really want to do what they want me to do? And if the answer is NO, then don't do it.

People have a right to ask you and you have a right to say NO.( without feeling guilty)
People who are themselves ( congruent) tend to be rather popular as they tend to appear not to be needy. People who are relaxed and are them selves are also nice to be with.
I am sorry that you are anxious. I think a course In Mindfulness might help. I am anxious and it helped me. I became more assertive when I went on a counselling course and realised through it, that I was as good as anyone else.
I am nothing special just ordinary and normal but overly anxious.