I'm so on my own

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I left a very difficult maybe abusive 15 year marriage 5 years ago.

I've been a strong independent woman since then. Raising 2 DC, working FT, focused on the kids. I've had some tough times including unemployment, financial stress, anxiety and depression. But weve had fun and ive been self contained. Not had the slightest interest in another relationship/men/sex

6 months ago i started to feel differently. I realised I am only a mum. I dont have any intrests to speak of. I dont have any time alone. I dont have anyone to talk to or share things with. I dont have sex. and i feel damaged and inferior. I feel like a bit of a joke. The catalyst for this was meeting a man who for the first time in years, I wanted to spend time with. However i dont actually want a 'boyfriend', i dont want 'rescuing'

My parents have always been a great support but over the last year or so they have aged wuite dramatically. They have become very negative, critical and stressful to spend time with. They love my DC but now they struggle with them and it shows.

I feel so alone. I having been crying for 2 days, my head feels like it will explode. I don't know what to do to make this better

I feel for you
I think firstly you need a big pat on the back you are a strong lady to have focus and to escape a horrible life .
Your children obviously are your focus but I agree you need something for yourself .
Write a list of things you'd like to do
Write everything down even if you can't physically do it as its a goal .
Do you ask for help ?
I know it's hard but can you get babysitter that you can rely on .
I use a young very mature 16 year old and I let her and her friend eat the fridge and watch a movie .
I go out for sometimes just couple of hours but God I need it.
I believe you enjoy being a mum more if you get out occasionally .
So you need to ask even if you swap kids with other people so you don't have to pay.
As for dating I don't think you can look when you feel like this .
You may settle for anyone and why should you !
So write the list
Have focus what you really would like to do without kids !
Even if a visit to costa alone with newspaper
Visit to library
Or manicure
Just get out on your own hair washed smelling great and a big smile .
Good luck xx

Why won't you introduce a man to your kids? There's nothing wrong with that. I left a 20 year relationship (he was the father of my 2 kids). Kids at the time were 9 and 11. I met a new man and after 3 months, I Knew he was The One. We've been together 7 years now and the kids think of him as a second father. Cheer up and start being pro-active about meeting someone. You need a companion (and sex!!). You're not just a Mum, you're a sexy lady and you need to be rounded. Kids are now 17 & 18 and I have to reinvent myself as they are both off to Uni. It's an exciting time that I will fill with travel and noisy sex, now there are no kids next door! Plenty of Fish website is a great place to start. It's how I met my DH. xx

Hey OP
Sorry to hear you're feeling so shit. Do you get any free time? Do you get to go running often? (You mentioned you went for a run in the rain)
I was feeling this way about a year ago after I became a single mum & started running as my 'place to escape to'...then started increasing my distance & ended up entering a marathon - trained hard, ran it, felt amazing. Working towards something & doing it is great for self esteem & mental health.
PS being a single mum is bloody hard & it sounds like you're doing amazingly & have some great friends

Thanks for your replies and suggestions. I went out last night with a good friend and feel better today

I know you are all right about getting out and doing stuff. Mostly, I just don't have the time. Also, stuff I enjoyed before kids is just not the kind of stuff i can do in a few hours once a week. So, i need to find stuff i enjoy whixh fits with my lifw now. I struggle to find anything

I won't introduce boyfriends to my kids because I don't want to complicate their lives further. I've already put them through the divorce of their parents. I would be very much up for a FWB arrangement though

It seems there are a number of us in the same predicament. I think I'll start a support thread for us? As a place to hang out/offload/share

Yy to running robot; I'm slow and only get out once or twice a week. But it helps me. I'm going to try and do more