Emotionally abusive ex

[iloverunning36]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2187264-emotional-abuse-How-to-make-final-leap-to-leave-if-so?pg=2&order=

^previous thread

I can't stop crying. I was starting to feel better after my bad relationship (although not so much as looked at another man and still married to ea ex) then he texted to say I'd destroyed him and he couldn't move on emotionally. I (stupidly) met up with him for a chat and he told me he is dating and his gf advised him to speak to me as he can't move on emotionally (he always used to make out like I was a slag as I had never had an emotional connection before him. He said he needed an emotional connection with someone as couldn't physically have Sex with someone otherwise (he used Viagra with me and still had ed) I am just so upset. He's still blaming me. It doesn't feel like I'll ever get to be normal again.

Am just asking for words of wisdom/stories of hope

You are normal already. He's the weird one. He's just loading you with guilt instead of getting on with his own life - nasty git.

My XDH was controlling and manipulative (still is). He also loaded me with guilt when I finally ended the relationship - and to begin with I did feel very guilty and responsible because he'd been happy with me. But then I realised I'd been miserable with him and he'd had every opportunity to make me happy, but had chosen instead to ignore my needs and carry on making me miserable.

Everything your ex does is his choice. He can choose to act like a mature adult; he can choose to try to get over you; he can choose to not contact you and load you with guilt; he can choose to take a bit of responsibility for his own life.

Get on with the divorce. You can't help him. The best thing you can do for you and for him is cut off all contact with him and get on with the rest of your life.

If it helps - my ex is getting remarried this year to someone who is much better suited to him than I ever was.

Thank you purple with red. I want to move away (I got made redundant and my mum died so there is nothing keeping me here)

Oh sweetie, you're being emotionally abused by a nasty piece of work and you must not believe a word he says.

You've lost your mum, been made redundant and this is how he reacts? this is how he treats you when you're at your most vulnerable? He's a bastard of the first order and you need to recognise that and stop giving him any power over you.

Beware of men who enjoy abusing women. He's a classic. And you deserve so much better. Good idea to move away and start afresh. Good idea to learn from this experience and read up on people with abusive personalities so that next time, you recognise the signs before you get involved.

You can't change them you know. But you can change the way you perceive and react to them. And you can be happy again.

Thank you. What kind of woman is interested in my "husband" ?

Someone with low self-esteem probably, who believes everything he says. There are some incredibly gullible women around these days for some reason.

Your ex is a piece of work isn't he? He probably feels really smug at how he's not only conned you but is now conning this new woman. If I was you, I'd feel desperately sorry for her and be punching the air in sheer joy at the fact I'd got away from the scumbag. Don't feel sad. Feel pity for her and contempt for him.

Thank you yes he is horrible. This woman has kids so if I find out who she is then I'll try and let someone close to her know what he is like. I think my kids are ok now, their teachers commented on how much happier and more confident they were after I'd left.

This woman has kids so if I find out who she is then I'll try and let someone close to her know what he is like

Don't bother with this. Just block him from your contacts on your phone and stop listening to his bullshit.

Refuse. If he really was in that situation his best bet would be to cut contact. Look after yourself first. Deal through divorce but nothing else. He can blame you all he wants. Don't give as stuff what an abusive manipulator thinks. It's meaningless.

Well done for leaving...

Don't waste your time contacting his Gf...She is not interested and your ex will make all excuses for his behaviour...

You have found your way out..Stay out..Not sure if DD is his but if not block him everywhere if she is contact to a minimum.

Sorry for the loss of your mum and been made redundant ...You have enough on your plate without his relationship problems