DD's dad is being a dick!

[Robotgirl]

Hi all
There's a similar thread to this at the mo but really want some advice on this situation as it's so frustrating!
Broke up with DD's dad 18 months ago. DD is now 3.
Ex is a self-obsessed musician who was rarely around when we were together. He has DD when it suits him but rarely overnight & has 'cancelled' having her at the last minute before.
Ex is a liar - he lies all the time about when he'll be leaving/arriving/commitments that mean he can't have DD etc but until about 6 months ago this was just about ok & DD saw him a couple of days a week when I'm at work.
Ex has new GF. She's about ten years younger than him with no DC & is quite famous (I think Ex is punching above his weight big time!)
Since they have been together, Ex has told me he can no longer have DD at weekend as that's 'his time with GF'. More recently Ex ignores my texts when I ask if we can meet to arrange schedule (we have monthly catch up when DD in bed to arrange schedule of when DD will be @ nursery & when with Ex) and other DD related stuff.
He & GF have had 3 holidays since Aug & this time he was away for 10 days, didn't text to ask how DD is & didn't ring her when he said he would. DD has not mentioned her dad all week - she normally asks daily when she is next gonna see him.
I'm worried this is gonna impact DD as she may feel unloved by her dad. I don't slag him off to her but have had to bite my tongue before.
I am pissed off that he is ignoring my texts.
I find it very spectacularly odd that new GF is taking priority over DD.
All these 3 things are making me furious. I want to vent & text him but am pretty sure he'll ignore me.
Any advice, MNers?

Don't vent to him, vent here. Nothing gets resolved in an argument. You can't make him do anything where DD is concerned, just carry on supporting her.
It's heartbreakingly fucking irritating though!

Also, if possible I avoid telling them when to expect to see him, so if he turns up its a nice surprise, if he doesn't they're not disappointed. They're very relaxed about it all now.

I find it very spectacularly odd that new GF is taking priority over DD.

It would be odd if he were a decent parent, yes. But you already knew he was a twat, right? This is just more confirmation.

I would recommend that you don't push him to see DD. He is going to keep letting her down for the rest of her life; if you let the contact slowly slide now while she's young enough to adapt, it's probably less hurtful than when he drops her completely in a few years.

I know you're boiling with rage on her behalf. It sucks, and he sucks, but your DD will be okay with the love and support that you give her.

TBH I'd let him disappear out of her life and let him be more of an "uncle" type figure that visits occasionally.

I think he will be like this every time a gf is on the scene.

Count on him for zero support or interest.

for your DD

Honestly? Stop enabling contact. Harsh, I know. But if you stop chasing him for contact I would put my last tenner on it that contact will stop. This will of course initially be very upsetting for DD, poor wee thing, but that will fade.

I have never offered that advice to anyone on MN before, it's basically what happened to me when my M & D split up but honestly, 44 years down the line with a great deal of self-esteem, I can now look back and say 'his loss'. Instead of a mini-heartbreak every time he lets her down, just pull the plaster off and let him fade out of her life. The utter, utter dickwad that he is

I have a similar issue with my dcs dad.

He moved 300 miles away with a woman her her dc, cut down child support as he is now 'financially responsible' for her dc.

He never ever considers our dc in anything, will occassionally send a card (written by his partner) or a present, but no actual effort to see them. He managed 10 minutes in the last year.

I have had my time of angry texts and emails and he loves it, he has, apparently saved them all up to show the kids when they are older to prove I am unreasonable and that is why he doesn't see them

My advice is to either write a letter or email every time you feel the urge but don't send it. It calms me a bit to do this. Otherwise just don't engage, you can't force him to be a decent parent unfortunatly.

I find it very spectacularly odd that new GF is taking priority over DD.

Its not odd because he's a prick. If he was a nice bloke, it would be odd.
But he's not, he's a cunt.

In terms of advice, I think you've got to leave him to it. He'll come to you if he wants a relationship, and if he doesn't, well than frankly DD is better off not having this little boy forced on her too.

I also agree with Lonny very much.

I doubt saying something to him will change how he views and prioritises your daughter.

I doubt his romance will last with his new girl.

Just don't let him waltz in and out of your daughters life when his women dump him.

Thanks for your posts, everyone.
They made me laugh & nod. It sounds like there are a lot of dads being dicks out there. Ultimately, I just can't understand how he wouldn't want to be instigating quality time with DD. She's amazing & deserves a dad who wants to be a big part of her life.

Sorry he's being such a knob! I agree with pps, let him contact you and don't tell dd in case he lets her down. She's got you and you sound like a wonderful mother