Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is your gut instict always right?

22 replies

Littleone27 · 22/10/2015 21:27

Just wondered about peoples feeling on this really? X

OP posts:
Rainbowlou1 · 22/10/2015 21:29

My personal experience would say trust it x hope you're ok x

TimeToMuskUp · 22/10/2015 21:35

I'm not at all sensitive or intuitive; out of DH and I he's the more 'aware' socially and emotionally. Very occasionally I get a gut feeling that something or someone isn't 'right' and it's always right. No idea how it works, I think there's an undercurrent constantly running through your brain like a little detector that you have absolutely no idea about until it hits something it thinks is off and then goes mad.

It could be something as simple as picking up subconscious signals of nervousness or stress from someone, or knowing someone well enough to unconsciously know their quirks. Whatever it is, I think it can be a valuable tool.

ImperialBlether · 22/10/2015 21:38

It depends what kind of person you are. If you're a bit of a drama queen then maybe your instincts aren't always right but if you're not and suddenly you sense something is wrong, I'd say it probably is. It's a horrible feeling and I'm so sorry if you're going through it now.

Kacie123 · 22/10/2015 21:52

No, it's not, although Agent Gibbs would frown at that Grin

The advice to trust your gut no matter what is never good. If we could all know stuff instinctively then we'd have no need for police etc as no one would ever get away with any lie ever.

As it is, people are often deluded easily or on the flip side can become total paranoid wrecks for no real reason whatsoever.

Sorry, got rambly there.

What's up OP?

TooSassy · 22/10/2015 22:06

I've learned that every time I've ignored my gut. I've been wrong to ignore it. So IME it is.

You ok?

Littleone27 · 22/10/2015 22:15

I cheated on my partner years ago, a sort of work affair (no sex involved) very out of my character. We had a new baby he was always out etc, said make more of myself blah blah & I ran away with the attention a collegue paid me. I didnt tell him for about 2 years after it ended - I listened to too many people but always knew It would come out in the end after anxiety depression etc I told him the truth. He completely forgave me, however I dont forgive myself. I really fell for this person, pathetic I know. I think I feel bad for allowing it! Anyway everytime I felt a bit anxious or bad about it I would call it a day etc with my partner, I made no effort if im honest, I realise that now. Back in June I found out I was pregnant, something I went on & on &on about to my partner & he wasnt keen on another child yet. As soon as I found out I got myself into such a panic etc that I decided to have a termination. I dont think its actuallt hit me yet. My partner & I have since split up, he left end of July. We still talk & occasioncaly have sex, we are like best friends but Ive realised we have no communcation at all! If i ask aboht us gettung back together im apparentlt putting too mucb pressure on it & not just enjoying ourselves. I always have a niggling feeling that Ill never forgive myself & it will never work but I dont know if thats a gut feeling or my negative mind? One thing ive learnt is I expect too much from a relationship, I expect after 9 years to still have butterflies for him, I should constantly want sex with him & if I ever say a bad word about him that I should confess the truth otherwise the slightest lie makes me a bad person or our relationship bad. Im almost obsessdd by it all. Sorry for the waffle x

OP posts:
bessiebumptious2 · 22/10/2015 22:26

I expect after 9 years to still have butterflies for him, I should constantly want sex with him

Butterflies for 9 years? Christ my body couldn't cope with that! 18 months max. Then it settles down and becomes 'normal' and a little bit... mundane. That's life!

My DP, I think still expects to have butterflies after 7 years and can't quite understand why we aren't going at it like rabbits (a la the first year). He needs to grow up at 47, and so do you. He's just immature in lots of ways but you sound quite young. Are you?

bessiebumptious2 · 22/10/2015 22:28

Actually, scrub that. You're his booty call and for as long as you giving putting out for him, he'll keep coming back. Stop with the occasional sex and you'll find out who he is and what he really wants.

gatewalker · 23/10/2015 10:37

Yes. Gut instinct is always right. Always.

But we're not always hearing our gut instinct when we think we are. Sometimes it's our past, our current emotions, our fears.

I haven't read your second post deliberately, OP, so my response is as objective as possible.

maggiethemagpie · 24/10/2015 21:04

I have only had a strong gut feeling on meeting someone the first time a few times in my life (all negative). In every case the person was a wrong 'un. So it's a yes from me.

ILiveAtTheBeach · 24/10/2015 21:13

You didn't have an affair. There was no sex involved.

marzipanmaggie · 24/10/2015 21:23

I certainly think you should listen to your gut because its alerting you to a subconscious recognition of something that your conscious mind may be screening out.

But I don't think your gut is necessarily always totally accurate in what it thinks the issue is....

Sometimes you know your gut is telling you something about a person or an emotion and you know you can listen but actually making a call on it is not that easy.

I've frequently been in situations where I've had to choose between two options which are difficult and people have said "what does your gut say?" and its not that simple to answer...

littleunderdog · 26/10/2015 10:20

If you read The Gift of Fear you'll realize that 'gut instinct' is often you picking up tiny warning signals and clues from a situation. It's not something supernatural, but completely grounded in reality.

RiceCrispieTreats · 26/10/2015 10:28

Why are you having sex with your ex?

It is rarely healthy or good for self-esteem.

Fontella · 26/10/2015 10:51

Gut Instinct - is our 'sixth sense'.

Past generations relied on their sixth sense to survive. When you could get your throat cut for the rags on your back and travelling even a mile up the road to the neighbouring village could be fraught with danger, you had to be on high alert all the time, and that meant using all your senses.

It's about going beyond relying on the evidence of what you see, hear, touch and so on to ascertain threat or danger, to 'sensing' it - intuition, gut instinct, hinky meter, sixth sense, gut feeling, 'feeling in your bones' intuition, vibes .... these are all alternative terms for the sixth sense.

Our sixth sense is there to protect us ... but nowadays most of us just don't utilise it in the way our ancestors did. When we get that 'feeling' we tend to dismiss it, or ignore it - we tell ourselves not to be daft.

Ever met someone who you immediately dislike? A friend of yours introduces you to a new friend/acquaintance/colleague of theirs you have never met before and in that first second - your sixth sense starts screaming at you - this person is BAD news. There's nothing obvious in how they look or speak, they can be perfectly pleasant and friendly .... but your gut feeling is telling you otherwise.

So you ask friend about the person - and are reassured 'oh she's great' get a bit of background info - all seems genuine and legit and clearly your friend likes and trusts the person so it must be ok. But you still can't shake the feeling. You may try to, you try to set it to one side, you may always be friendly to the person when you meet them again, and you just suppress or ignore that first instinct.

But then further down the line this person does something terrible to your friend or turns out to have some dark aspect to their character that comes to light - and it's 'I bloody knew it'. Your first instinct was right.

Ever walked into a building or place, or gone for a job interview ... and you've just got that bad 'vibe' immediately? Nothing tangible. Nothing you can see, hear or touch, but you can just sense it? That's your sixth sense trying to protect you. Get out of there and don't look back.

Our sixth sense is constantly trying to alert us to things that we cannot see, hear, touch or taste - but are there nonetheless and it is always things that aren't good for us - that are a threat to our well being and that includes betrayal. When our sixth sense is activated it is for a reason. We are well advised to listen to what it is trying to tell us. It is rarely wrong.

AdoraBell · 26/10/2015 11:02

Stop sleeping with him.

Either you are in a relationship or you are not. If it's not, which right now is the case, you don't have sex with the person.

That's not because I am a prude who disapproves of casual sex if that suits both people. It's because after 9 years he can go to you for sex without commiting himself to a relationship. And that is messing with your mind.

Is he your first partner?

To answer your question, yes gut instinct is always correct. I am not convinced though that that is what this really about.

ENtertainmentAppreciated · 26/10/2015 11:09

In this instance I'd say trust your instinct that it'll never work.
I imagine most posters will say the same. I'd also recommend that you stop sleeping with him because it's messing with your head and leading you to think the relationship is more than it really is.

moopymoodle · 26/10/2015 11:39

Nope. It's ridiculous to assume that something is right just because you have a feeling about it. Gut instinct is a term that refers to our anxiety response, as we feel it in thar area. My husbands gut instinct when he sees a wasp is that he's in big danger (phobia), in reality that's not the case. If the evidence stacks up eg, somebody is cheating then of course that is plausible. But just because you think something and have a gut instinct doesn't make it right. Our gut instinct Is also set off by previous life experiences, we learn emotionally via something called thr amygdala and the response is recorded and replayed in similar situation as a protective mechanism. So sometimes when we have been hurt in the past we might over react and over analyse due to gut instinct in future situations which are actually innocent.

It's best to go by actual facts and common sense really.

moopymoodle · 26/10/2015 11:49

Btw it sounds like your suffering from more then gut instinct, sounds very much like anxiety. Specifically relationship anxiety, if you work on what a real healthy relationship is and isn't ( it isn't constant butterflies and lust after years), I think you would be able to relax and trust your own choices rather then your emotional responses. Emotions are fickle, just like lust and butterflies come and go so do all emotions. It's not wise to choose a partner based on butterflies alone, obviously some attraction is important but ultimately you want a relationship with no red flags and somebody your compatable with.

Kacie123 · 26/10/2015 12:04

What moopy said.

I'm sorry, but it's absolute bollocks that we all have inbuilt expert radars on everyone. The ones we suspected and are then "proven right" about are examples of confirmation bias.

Northumberlandlass · 26/10/2015 12:15

My gut instinct hardly ever right! I have general anxiety & depression, I over think & catastrophise (spelling?) everything!
I am aware I do this & thanks to cbt can work my way through it

rumred · 26/10/2015 12:24

My gut can be right, but it is also overridden by my head which causes problems. I don't consciously do it. I struggle to know what's right therefore. So maybe gut is always right but rarely do we use that alone

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread