I've read this board, a lot.
So I know you will all either be able to give me the kick up the arse I need or tell me I'm in the wrong. I don't even know where to start on this. Sorry if it's a ramble.
I think DH and I are about to split. We haven't spoken in two days.
This latest argument is over our daughter who is 2. She is also under the portage team and speech and language for suspected autism. She has croup, and has been quite unwell for a few days. I haven't been too well myself, I have caught some kind of bug and am having a rough pregnancy.
We were all upstairs in the bedroom, dd had gone suddenly very hyper (I found out later that actually the medicine I had just given her has a tendency to make some children hyper). She started hitting me in the face. I told her firmly no, but she carried on. She then hit my arm (I'd had the flu jab earlier, it killed like a bitch) I lost my temper, ended up tapping her hand very gently and saying no again (she found it funny) and asked DH to help me out, I knew I wasn't in the right frame of mind to calmly handle her and i was feeling terrible for tapping her hand, though it didn't hurt her, she just laughed.
DH then started ranting about how I'd made a rod for my own back, it was my fault for spoiling her, now he'd try it his way.
He picked her up and slammed her down on the bed. Twice. She just thought he was playing but I could see her was actually trying to hurt/scare her.
I was fucking furious. Grabbed dd and said what the hell did he think he was doing! The doctor at the hospital (she'd had to have steroids the day before) said to try not to let her get upset or cry, it could make her breathing worse.
He laughed. In my face.
I called him a cunt ( yes terrible I know) and took dd downstairs. That was the last time we spoke. We have just been passing by in the house ignoring one another.
The problem I have is this, there have been many problems in our relationship before. But he always says I cause them, I think we both cause them. He says I gaslight him, that I always twist his words. If you were to ask him what happened that night it would sound completely different. It always does.
A really big problem for us has been drink. A few months ago I got so desperate I gave him an ultimatum (I know, I know you shouldn't do it. I just didn't know what else to do!). That it was the drink or us.
He stopped drinking, but I've felt the resentment just building up so much. There are literally waves of it coming off him. I knew the ultimatum was a mistake but I just couldn't go back to living how I did before.
Some of you may remember me from a few months back. Mine was the DH that got drunk and verbally very abusive pretty much every weekend. He accused me of giving his sisters bf a bj in a toilet Christmas Day when I was six months pregnant. He got completely wasted and ranted at me, refusing to help carry dd upstairs two days after my csection. He called me a slut and a slag after finding beer cans (his) in the bedroom.
But again I don't know who is in the right. He says I'm lazy, which is kind of true. He does the washing. I do the cooking and pretty much all the looking after of dd. but I'm not overly stressed or in a rush to pick up toys etc. He isn't exactly tidy at all.
He is always sick when I am. I had postnatal depression, he said he had it too. But if I say anything he says it's the opposite, that it's me who pretends.
I just don't know my arse from my elbow anymore. Either I'm the biggest bitch on the planet and if only I'd stop everything would be ok or we are both twats who just shouldn't be together.
I'm sorry. This isn't very articulate is it. I'm just feeling quite emotional.
I really thought everything would be ok after he stopped drinking.
I've been trying, I swear to God I have. To be extra nice, to try to spend time talking to him. I might get a brief conversation if I'm lucky before he disappears on a computer/play station.
But every time I do try to talk to him he gets a dig in or will say something horrible. When I tell him he's upset he tells me it was just a joke tole he was being sarcastic and I just don't 'get' his humour.
And then we just end up back at the beginning because I think why the hell should I keep trying this?! There is no intimacy left, by that I mean we don't hold hands, cuddle on the sofa, kiss etc. except very rarely when I try to instigate it. I stopped doing that because he would want to move the second I tried to cuddle him.
It's fucked isn't it? We used to be best friends before we got together. I just don't understand what happened.
So am I a just a stupid arse or a stupid arse who's in the wrong?