Dont know whether I should accept this or not

[zas1]

Hi
Probably the wrong place to post but never mind. My DS age 23 formerly the nicest teen in the world now the nicest young man is about 6 weeks into his first job, a very good one but I'm not sure exactly his natural home. I work but have had a few gaps so still have a mortgage but I manage ok. So anyway DS just wired £1000 into my bank account and this out of his first proper pay cheque. I know he won't want me to refuse it and always says how much I have done for him etc but this might be a step too far. He is just so so good natured I also don't know how he will get on in this job which seems so cutthroat to me.

What a lovely young man you've raised! Can you accept it gracefully but mentally keep it aside in case he needs it again in the future?

Well he should be paying his keep but like you say, this is a lot.
Bless him, he sounds perfect.
So you don't offend him, why not open a savings account in your name but for him.
So keep £400 and put £600 into to the savings.
Keep doing this. That way, when he needs a deposit etc..., you can swoop in and give him the money you have saved for him.
That's what I would do.

Well yes keeping it on deposit seems sensible. He doesn't live at home he lives with friends in a shared house so doesn't need to pay his keep. He is good with £ but I think he may have given some £ to my sister as well and she is very bad with £. He is lovely and kind in every way, yes.

Blimey! Could we just mix up my boy and your boy to get a more balanced mix? My boy is champing after his inheritance, prodigal son style.

I'd be worried about this excessive generosity. Perhaps not so much towards you but to your sister - who's she to him? She didn't bring him up I assume, no 'debt' to pay.

But £1k out of his first pay cheque sounds all wrong. £100 maybe, but £1k? Far too much. I wouldn't be comfortable accepting it. Perhaps buy something nice for £100 but put the rest aside.

In your shoes i'd be googling excessive generosity. Kids eh, such a bloody strain

He thinks the world of his aunt who lives in S. Eu rope where there is currently a financial crisis. But still I don't think he should be doing this. He is so so so nice and kind I don't know how he manages with the kind of colleagues he now has.

Maybe asked if he really meant to send 1,000? He may have only meant to send £100!

I would thank him and tell him you've put it aside for a rainy day and he can ask for it back at any time. You've raised a lovely boy. I'd also tell him that if his aunt needs anything more, she should ask you, not him. He shouldn't feel he has to give her anything.

Oh wow, I didn't realise bank transfers could be made FROM children? (Also not bitter...)

Bank it for him, but also have words with him about setting up his own savings account with the understanding that if you were ever in dire straits you would ask him for help?

He might have intended to pay £10.00!

No he meant £1000 definitely. I know this for a fact

Oh what a lovely, lovely young man! You should be very proud of him. I agree with just setting it aside in case he needs it later. Shared housing can always be a bit unsteady, so he may need it to move at a later date.

Good kid!!! I'd just tell him THANK you.

springydaffs, that made me laugh.

I am proud of him. You wouldn't believe the awfulness he witnessed as a child. I find it hard to believe how utterly lovely he has turned out. It is like he personally is on a mission to counterbalance all the bad things his father did to women.

How lovely for you op

No, I mean it. How lovely that some sons of hideous men make an effort to even the balance

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Well throw him a curved ball, even though you put it aside. Tell him you blew it, just blew it on pampering and girls nights out. If he wants to approach gifting you money in different ways then, well yes he is truly a remarkable young man.

My DD did something similar, and I told her that whilst I treasured the thought, I could not accept her money. I kept the little card that she wrote with it though.

My son, on the other hand, is a taker not a giver. That's life.

I think you should keep it and use it as you need or want to. He didn't offer it to you or write you a cheque that you might or might not cash. He made sure you had it. What a wonderful and generous son you have raised. I have a tear in my eye.

Did he tell you why he was giving you this money specifically?

I remember when I first started earning full time, I bunged a load of money at my mum and my little sister, bought everyone in the family big Xmas presents. I think it's a natural impulse for a lot of people to just want to spread it around.

You've clearly done a great job with him :) Maybe you could pay it as a lump sum off your mortgage, on the idea that one day the house will be going to him? Or as others suggested, put some or all of it in a savings account or bond.

He didn't tell me specifically but his usual answer to questions about his many acts of kindness is "because I love you". Main concern is he won't fit in in his financial services job and will need the £ if and when he leaves but will cross that bridge when we come to it. He gave half his 18th birthday £ to a women's refuge charity I don't know how he got the idea to work in the City though..

My dad gifted me money, along with my step siblings.

I accepted the gesture but when they moved house, I ensured I project managed much of the referb and met many of the bills so they inadvertently got it back again!

I was so grateful for the gesture but I would never have kept it as they needed it more than I do.

It is a lovely, kind thoughtful gift that will have made him feel amazing to be able to help you our in the way you have helped him over the years.
Please accept it with thanks and good grace.

I think it would be rather patronising to do anything other than accept it.

I'd also put it to one side, just in case, but he gave it to you because he wanted to.

He's probably just enjoying that feeling of earning and being able to make decisions like this and having the ability to be generous to you.

If he makes a habit of it, or becomes a target for e.g. your sister, I'd address that then, but not before.

He's 23, not a kid!

Oh gosh his 18th birthday women's refuge gift has made me feel quite teary. Surely that shows a pure heart motive? I have been struggling with cynicism so far but that has blown me away.

Yes, maybe accept this one gift [gift at a time...] with grace and enjoy it at face value - he is an adult (albeit a young adult). Though it's hard to accept a role-reversal in a way? Perhaps it's your time to accept some goodness in your life . and perhaps there really are some good men about sob