Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friendship rejections

14 replies

Leaveaspace · 20/10/2015 22:46

Maybe I'm questioning this too much but here goes-
Since having dc I've made some very nice new friends and reconnected with older friends that have dc similar age.
However a few times now I've met up with people old and new and even though we've had a nice time and they said we should do it again- it doesn't happen they are suddenly unavailable.
I've made more friends than not but the couple of times it has happened has knocked my confidence- (sorry to sound like a child) but why don't they want to be my friend.
Don't know where I'm going wrong.
Am I dealing with this all wrong do I need to say 'oh well I liked them but guess I'm not their cup of tea'?

OP posts:
springydaffs · 20/10/2015 23:26

Oh op, people these days think it's perfectly acceptable to behave extremely badly and to not be questioned on it. Nope, never to be questioned on it bcs it's their RIGHT.

Rant over! If you've had more success than not then, really, would you want to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends with you? I certainly wouldn't. I'd go off them in a flat second.

Plus they may have stuff going on. Whatever the radon they are not available. So move on. Their loss whatsoever way.

Fastcargirl · 21/10/2015 02:12

Try not to let it worry you. In August I realised I was making first contact with many of my friends, they would be v nice back and we are would even meet for coffee. Then silence until I made contact again. So I stopped. And they haven't contacted me. I don't mind although I did have a wry smile when another friend assumed I'd been invited to a party....and of course I hadn't. I feel so much stronger as I knew deep down they weren't that into me and now I have taken control it has been liberating in many ways as life is fine without them.

ScribblerOnTheRoof · 21/10/2015 10:21

I wouldn't worry too much. People have things going on, perhaps they're busy, or having personal problems?

OnceAMeerNotAlwaysAMeer · 21/10/2015 10:45

Making more friends than not, is a good sign.

even if it was the other way round, it may just be that they are simply busy. It's not always a thing about you, it's often that they have their own lives.

You're coming out ahead :)

Original poster
Leaveaspace · 21/10/2015 11:08

Thank you all food for thought just feel dejected ATM but will move forward just hoping I'm not doing something subconsciously or giving off bad vibes that is putting people off without realising- I know I shouldn't be analysing myself and just chalk it up to life but its hard as its happened twice recently and I am feeling a bit vulnerable in general. Going out with some actual friends tonight so that should cheer me up.

OP posts:
F0xglove · 21/10/2015 11:12

Try not to worry. I sent a woman a FR and she accepted but I recently noticed that we're not friends any more. At least that seems kinder! weird but kinder! I do notice that some people only have about forty friends and I think they are very fussy about who they let in. I'd feel more rejected if somebody with 384 friends rejected ME! but the other 381 made the cut!

RiceCrispieTreats · 21/10/2015 11:27

Rejections happen. Sometimes you're less important to someone than you would prefer to be. It hurts, but it's not a reflection on you.

People are completely allowed to have their own priorities. In most cases they are probably perfectly fond of you, but they don't think of you as someone they want to make that special effort for. And that's ok.

The painful moment is when you realise that your level of interest is not returned. Once you adjust to that, and focus on the activities and people where there is an equivalent return on investment (so to speak), then it won't feel so painful.

OnceAMeerNotAlwaysAMeer · 21/10/2015 12:55

I am feeling a bit vulnerable in general

this might well be the core of the problem. If you're feeling vulnerable, it's hard to brush stuff off that you usually can

Laura0806 · 21/10/2015 13:30

From a different perspective. I think people may think what you are saying about your friends about me. I am really busy and extremely disorganised. if someone asks me to meet for coffee I do and have a lovely time but then don't get round to returning the invite but its not because I don't want to, its just because I have a lot on and know a lot of people. I would hate to think people thought I just wasn't bothered about them as 99% of them time thats not the reason at all

springydaffs · 21/10/2015 23:17

Don't we all have a lot going on?

I do think people can be cavalier about friendship. If you had no friends, Laura, you'd magically become more organised. I personally would give someone like you a wide berth ie someone who can't be bothered to do the legwork.

naitimum · 22/10/2015 14:52

OP I feel the same. It's tricky but I am slowly learning to accept that it hurts and then to move on, as carrying it with me is scaring other people off too I think. I agree springydaffs, it would be nice to find people who care about the friendship and want to invest in it some too. Laura you are very lucky to have so many people who want to see you and I hope you show they are important to you in other ways as I would feel like you were not interested.

RoobyTuesday · 22/10/2015 16:01

I wouldn't take it too personally. Sometimes people like you, enjoy spending time with you but just do not have the time to invest heavily in friendships due to work or family commitments. I find this particularly the case with friends I have made through having babies/dc. You spend a lot of time together when the kids are small then everyone goes back to work etc and it becomes hard to find time to see all your oldest friends never mind the newer ones. I'm pretty sure it won't be anything personal.

MatildaTheCat · 22/10/2015 18:33

If you still have a decent quota of friends I wouldn't worry about some others being unavailable. If they are in the lucky position of having 'enough' friends to meet all their needs and are busy anyway then perhaps it's just not on their agenda to invest too much in new friendships iykwim?

I've known a few women that I've met through mutual friends that I know I would like to see more often but they haven't returned the interest. I'm almost certain it's nothing personal, just life overload.

Enjoy your night out tonight and keep making the effort because true friendships really are precious jewels. < sorry, sounds way too netmumsy Grin >

CherryPicking · 23/10/2015 10:35

I've developed a theory that some people have a 'friendship window' and once it closes, you may be friendly together but you'll never be friends. So if you miss it, you miss it.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page