All over the place.

[bananamilkshake1]

I'm feeling sad and lonely at the moment & am struggling with trying to identify the root cause. I think if i could do that, then I might be able to try to make myself feel better. However, there are a number of issues in my life at the moment & I don't know which is the cause if that makes sense.

one - I'm in menopause having had cancer & total hyster earlier this year

two - my mum has stopped talking to me as a result of how I dealt with my illness and my need not to be mothered by her.

three - my 7 year relationship with my aspie partner seems to be going seriously downhill (not helped by his seeming withdrawal of any kind of affection - not to mention being sexually rejected as a result of my surgery)

four - unresolved issues with my exh around ex marital home & joint mortgage.

So all of this is swirling around in my head & I'm struggling - really struggling. My partner was supportive at the weekend when I broke down over four (above), saying he'd help get this sorted, but then afterwards it seemed like he just wanted to make sure I was financially secure in my own right which to me translated into the fact that I'm pretty much on my own & he doesn't see a future with me.

I realise my self esteem has been knocked - rejected by exh (he had an affair & left), rejected by my mother & now rejected by my partner. I'm teary a lot of the time & because I'm feeling pretty low, I can't seem to do anything practical to help myself.

My partner's aspergers isn't helping my feeling of isolation & even though these issues aren't new, they are getting on top of me & I'm just not resilient enought to deal with them. It's pretty pointless trying to talk to him about this as previous experience tells me he's unlikely to really engage & will probably think I'm attacking him. He can go from being lovely to being totally ambivalent about me. I realise that a lot of my sense of self worth at the moment is linked to how he is with me. I know this is ridiculous but I can't seem to stop how I feel. I flit from thinking "sod this" then being scared of not being with him.

I'm just lost at the moment. Please be gentle - can anyone help?

Banana

I recognise your story banana. It is heart-breaking you are still with him tbh. He gives you mouldy crumbs at best.

Have you had any therapy? Sounds like there's a lot to work on.

You have mountains of heartbreaking shit in your life and it's rather pointless to ask 'why do I feel so down?' - it's OBVIOUS why you feel so down! Why do you think you wouldn't feel down with all the heartache in your life?

You need at least one person on your side right now. Any chance of reconciling with your mum? You say you were rejected by her but also say that you couldn't cope with her mothering you when you were ill. Just maybe, its time to clear the air and find a way back into the relationship.

And your partner isn't helping is he?