Actually, I don't think this just sounds like bickering between two tired parents.
From what you have written, it sounds like you are trying to discuss aspects of your DH's behaviour that bother you, and he is responding with the classic diversionary tactic of a list of your apparent short-comings. If you feel his criticisms are unjustified, you start to defend yourself against his accusations and hey presto! - attention is successfully deflected away from his behaviour and onto yours.
As to why he does it, there is a certain mindset that perceives any attempt to challenge their behaviour, however well-meaning or non-judgemental, as a personal attack – and also perceives counterattack as the best form of defence. It seems to go with low self-esteem – their ego is too fragile to withstand any criticism.
The question of whose opinion of the other person’s behaviour is “valid” is one that I have wrestled with in my own situation, so I think I recognise where you are coming from. You believe your DH’s behaviour is not reasonable, you think your opinion is justified. Yet he seems to believe that your behaviour is unreasonable and thinks his opinion is justified. So who is "right"?
I think there are two ways of looking at this. The first is to look at motives and methods. Why do you tell your DH that his behaviour is unacceptable? Is it to explain to him that something he is doing is having a negative impact on you, or is it just to gain the upper hand in an argument? How do you discuss his behaviour? Do you talk about it in terms of how it makes you feel, or do you choose words that are insulting or put-downs? Do you twist or exaggerate what he says to suit his purpose?
Now ask the same questions about him. What do his motives in bringing up your behaviour seem to be? What language does he use when he discusses this?
To give an example from my own situation, if I try to explain to my H how his behaviour impacts on me, I try (!) to stay calm, use relatively neutral language and quote his words back to him as said if he says something unreasonable. He, on the other hand, tends to rapidly become annoyed, and uses provocative language like “Only an idiot would…” or “No-one of normal intelligence would...” when referring to things I say or do. Rather than taking what I say at face value, he “inflates” it to make it sound unreasonable e.g. he will turn “The evening would run more smoothly if you came home from work earlier” into “MrBuster doesn’t want me to succeed at my job”. Does any of that sound familiar?
I think my opinion of his behaviour is reasonable because I am not trying to attack or hurt him, I am trying to articulate my needs. I think his opinion of my behaviour is unreasonable because he seems to view our interactions as a power struggle that he has to win.
The other approach to this question is to recognise that, actually, you are both allowed to have an opinion of the other’s behaviour, and both opinions are equally true for the person who holds them. So no-one is wrong but if these are your true opinions, then they’re not mutually compatible. In other words, if that’s really what he thinks of you, then fuck ‘im. It’s not your job to defend yourself or change his opinion. (Easier said than done, though, I know.)