Advice from people who chose to stay or go?!

[Confusedcake01]

Hi, I'll try and keep it as short as possible. As the title suggests, not sure whether to stay with DH or not.
We've been together for 13 years, married for 5, got a DS (3).
I have lost 3 stone over the last 2 years and, although, back in the day I used to get quite a bit of attention from men, I feel like I have a new lease of life now.
DH is a lovely lovely man, he's very kind, he is a brilliant dad. I'm able to go on girly holidays, out with friends and he's happy for me to go while he hangs out with DS. He gets his fair share of time with friends too so it's not all me! He's very laid back, which is obviously a bonus at times, but there has always been part of me that wishes he has the same drive and ambition that I do. I feel like I do everything to drive our little family forward and I just wish that he could have the urge to want to achieve a bit more in life.
It's even me who initiates things in the bedroom, he admitted that he does wait until I give him the nod! How un sexy!! I get annoyed by him not making the move so don't for ages and it makes me feel resentful.
It's not the first time in our relationship that I felt like this, but somehow I've managed to overcome the feelings and lead a happy life. I feel now though that I have more confidence to not carry on this way. I feel frustration a lot of the time. When I talk to him I feel like he's not registering what I'm saying, and he has a REALLY rubbish memory, he often asks questions about plans we literally just made, I end up snapping at him which I feel bad about but I'm sick of spending my life feeling frustrated. I'd love him to be more assertive, and outgoing and to challenge me.
The thought of leaving him really upsets me. I know he loves me and that it would break his heart. I don't want to break up our family, but I can't help how I'm feeling. I change my mind about staying or going a thousand times a day.
I have spoken to him about how I feel, and he made slight attempts to make things better but I don't think it's in him to make the changes I want. I obviously can't and won't change his personality.
Sorry for going on a bit in the end!
TIA

OP, would you and your DH be willing to go to relationship counselling? It could help.

I left my DH (for reasons much different to yours) and I have never regretted it. However it was costly and traumatic and DS was very sad. He still sometimes get sad about it after all these years.

I think its easy to get stuck in a rut. I have felt a bit meh about life recently - and I am wary of blaming DH for it. Its actually more to do with where my head is at.

ANyway DH and I are discussing some challenges that we can sign up to together - we both like cycling - so perhaps a 100 mile sportive that we can train for and ride together. I just want SOMETHING that involves us as a team, being challenged, working together, with a shared goal.

I hope it'll reconnect us - and give us something new to think about and focus on rather than just going through the motions of every day life.

Dione, yes, I did suggest that it might help us and he would be willing. I have looked into counsellors in our area and almost got in touch with a couple. I can't bring myself to book anything though. I'm worried that if he knew how I was really feeling it might actually be the beginning of the end and it scares me.
I've really been thinking the last few days that I might actually be taking my own personal meh-ness out on DH and that actually just because he is my husband it doesn't mean that HE has to make ME happy, in some egotistical way on my part. He is a very happy person, nothing really makes him angry, he is very patient, he is content and I've been taking those qualities for granted.
I think I need to work on myself, stop thinking the grass is greener and wondering what else is out there. We have a lovely home, lovely friends, my family is nearby and very supportive. I need to focus on good stuff not the bad.
The bedroom action is something we both need to work on. It feels as though he has become a bit nervous maybe of making the first move, not sure why but for me to feel more like a team we need to be more connected in that area.

Confused, I understand your fears, but the fact is you feel how you feel. Not talking about it means that the situation doesn't change and your feelings of dissatisfaction grow.

This can make you vulnerable. There are men out there (particularly the Alphas) that can sense dissatisfaction and exploit these feelings by honing in, being dazzling and exciting and persuading women to have affairs with them. This always ends badly.

I know that it is scary, but the purpose of relationship Counselling is to help the couple talk and listen to eachother. And then help them find a way to a better marriage. If talking about your feelings does lead to the end of your relationship, then it is best that it is done as cleanly as possible and Counselling can help with that too.

Yes it may be the beginning of the end, but it could be the beginning of a much improved relationship. Marriages are easier to save when both parties are willing to work and there still exists love and respect.