DP can't cook. WWYD?

[sparklejumpropequeen]

DP is 26. Before I met him, he had literally never cooked a meal in his life. He is not stupid but has no idea how to cook. It's a problem for me because I don't like having to do all the cooking, all the time. He can put a ready meal in the microwave and make toast, but that is about the limit of his cooking skills. He doesn't know what to buy at the supermarket or how to make a meal from fresh ingredients. He would probably be living on takeaways and pot noodles if it wasn't for me. I'm honestly miffed at his mum for not showing him how to make basic stuff before he left home.

Has anyone had a DP or DH who was useless at cooking? How long did it take for them to get up to an acceptable standard? Any suggestions?

[Mintyy]

Presumably he can read? How can he not know what to buy at the supermarket when every single item down to salt and pepper is listed in a recipe book?

Buy him Delia Smith's How To Cook Book One. It starts with boiling an egg. Tell him to stop being embarrassed and just get the fuck on with it.

[fiverabbits]

Until my DH was 62 he could only cook beans on toast, yes we had a smoke alarm because he would burn the toast. If you asked him to look in the oven at say roast potatoes he would look and then say I'm not sure what they are like, you need to have a look. Then when I got arthritis in my knees and could only stand for a minute he started to make cakes using a mixer. For the last 6 months since joining watch watchers he now does all the peeling, chopping etc, making all the meals for 4 of us. He already did all the shopping and is the king of the dishwasher. He now does all the washing and housework so it is never too late to learn. I do remind him that I did it all for 40 years so he has a long time to use his new skills. He wasn't lazy just busy working and doing other things for his family.

[Jakadaal]

Agree with all other suggestions and add in some of the numerous cookery programmes that are on. Some of the techniques may be advanced but it's one way of getting used to the 'language' of recipes. Sunday Brunch tends to show quick recipes.

Take him step by step through a recipe - chilli or curry is a good one. Help him plan it, but the ingredients and cook it. Then incorporate into the weekly meal plan so that he cooks 1 night a week until he has 7 days worth of recipes. This might be a good starting point

[BlackeyedSusan]

Well you are already half way there as he want's to learn.

teach him a simple meal. write it out in detail. let him learn and practise once a week. then teach him another. after a while he will have the skills to find his own recipes.

he needs to own the process though or else it is not going to work.

[stealthbanana]

I just don't understand people who say they "can't" cook. If you can read, you can cook. The fact you might not want to cook is an entirely different matter.

I think this is a case where you simply cannot entertain the idea of learned helplessness. I would be very unimpressed if any man I co habited with was unable or unwilling to teach himself to cook.

[Verypissedoffwife]

If he's 26 it can't be blamed on his Mum.

I left home at 18 and I couldn't cook either but as it's really not difficult to follow a recipe I soon learnt how. It's even easier now with the internet and so many cooking shows on tv.

In out house my father did most of the cooking but as he wasn't that good at not burning things I had no desire to learn from him.

Yes the father in this case may be dead but I've read it time and time again on here - people complaining that the mother in law didn't teach their son how to do menial women's work like cooking and cleaning. I've never once read the phrase "I blame his father". And anyway - do people really need to be "taught" how to mop a floor or shove a jacket potato in the oven? And does it have to be someone with a vagina who teaches them this complicated task?

[Seriouslyffs]

Nigel Slaters quick books are fantastic. DH couldn't cool and is now very competent, having started there.
Don't get into the habit of showing him- it's appropriate for a mother/ son dynamic but IMO not in a relationship.

[Dulceetdecorum]

He needs to get himself Jamie Oliver's Ministry of Food and Delia's Complete Cookery Course, both aimed at beginners. Delia's especially will teach him all the basic skills he'll need to cook well.

[Mintyy]

I'm utterly bemused by all these suggestins that op should "teach" him how to cook. Really? Why?

[BertrandRussell]

"I'm utterly bemused by all these suggestins that op should "teach" him how to cook. Really? Why?"

Me too.

[taeglas]

How about www.thephotocookbook.com/
or as a book frame by frame cookery www.amazon.co.uk/Frame-Cookery-Quick-Easy-Love/dp/1407578049?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21
You can see what each step looks like which would be helpful for someone not confident at cooking.

[expatinscotland]

He's never heard of YouTube? Why is it your job to teach him? It's not exactly rocket science. I taught myself with books and trying it. I never assumed it was anyone's responsibility but mine.

[PerspicaciaTick]

I've got a box of filing cards in the kitchen, where I write down our favourite recipes. The ingredients go on the front of the card, the instructions on the back and if it doesn't fit then it is too complicated. DH is better about trying to cook new things now, because he will have eaten everything at least once before and knows what he is aiming for.

[PerspicaciaTick]

Surely people like helping their DPs learn and try new things? Boggling that anyone goes through life refusing to help their DPs (and presumably never accepting any help themselves).

[expatinscotland]

'DH is the same. his parents were extremely "traditional". any sign of dh helping his mum in the kitchen and he was called a pussy by dadhmm

result now is an almost 40yo who doesn't know how to peel or chop an onion and even asks how to turn the oven on and how to cook the pizza he has in his hand with the instructions printed on the back.
all down to laziness and being too "busy" on his part to bother remembering as i have spent the last 15 years either showing him how or saying "look in the cookbook" "read the packet" "look up how online".'


Also down to being enabled by a partner who puts up with someone who assumes such work is for someone else to do.

My DH has such bad dyslexia he struggles to read anything. He learned nothing at home.

He learned to cook with YouTube and a DS game about cooking.

And is left to it. I had to live with our daughter in hospital for 8 months and he had to stay home with our other two.

And get the fuck on with it.

[ScarletRuby]

My partner can't cook, and doesn't want to learn. That's absolutely fine by me, I enjoy cooking and he makes up for it in other ways. I'd be livid if someone bought me a course on something I had no interest in as a gift just because it's something they think I should do.

[Verypissedoffwife]

Exactly expat and mintyy

My son is 15 and can't cook anything beyond cheese toasties. I expect that's all my fault.

Not his father's or his step father's or his step mother's. Or school (he does food tech and gets As and Bs for his pretty looking food that doesn't get tasted). It's all my fault because despite me working full time in a professional job and being a mother to 3 children it's also my job to keep a clean and tidy home with wardrobes full of clean ironed clothes and impart this domesticity to my children. Especially the male ones (my daughters will probably be genetically disposed to cooking and cleaning anyway so probably won't need as much guidance).

What if they don't know how to mow a lawn or take the bins out? Will that be their Dad's fault?

[expatinscotland]

'Surely people like helping their DPs learn and try new things? Boggling that anyone goes through life refusing to help their DPs (and presumably never accepting any help themselves).'

I didn't go out with men who needed shadowed and taught like my 6-year-old in the name of 'help'.

The OP's DP wants to learn. Okay. So why hasn't he got on with it already? Of his own initiative?

I wanted to learn to knit. I didn't wait for my husband to teach me and shadow me like a child. It's not hard to learn.

[Verypissedoffwife]

I expect the OP I'd going to come back on and sat his Dad's dead and then I'll feel a right twat for my 3 ranting posts.

If that's the case I'm sorry OP I'm taking out my anger in the injustice of the way society expects women to be responsible for EVERYTHING on your one comment of "I blame his mother "!

[popalot]

Cook together, so he can learn the basics. Then, when he feels more confident/interested, he can make you a meal one day. He will probably use every utensil in the kitchen, all the pots and pans and take a couple of hours to do it, but each time thereafter he will become more practiced and efficient.

[PerspicaciaTick]

But when I wanted to learn to service my first car, my DP showed me how. Some of it was learned from a Haynes manual, but it helped to have someone to show me how to use the tools, give me some handy tips and point out where stuff was when it didn't look like the picture. And I rather enjoyed learning how to mix concrete and cut slabs for that patio. Having said that, there is plenty that I've taught him too.

[popalot]

ps I do think it is a symptom of how girls grow up being taught to 'get on with it' and be self sufficient, whereas boys seem to get the message that they are more entitled. Both parents (mum and dad) and society as a whole are responsible for this.

[dratsea]

Age 15 I got invited back to girlfriend's for lunch, beans on toast. From the tin, and cold. Probably her father's fault? He was ex-SBS, canoe/dive/blow up a bank, fluent in Arabic and could catch skin and cook anything that moved.

DS has cooked for the family from age 13. DD (and DW) drive big ships. I (bloke) use the sewing machine, used to sew for a living (well... sort of, surgeon).

I blame David Cameron

[Verypissedoffwife]

"Sew for a living" used to describe beimg a surgeon

[dratsea]

Paid at least half the mortgage well, most months.