DP can't cook. WWYD?

[sparklejumpropequeen]

DP is 26. Before I met him, he had literally never cooked a meal in his life. He is not stupid but has no idea how to cook. It's a problem for me because I don't like having to do all the cooking, all the time. He can put a ready meal in the microwave and make toast, but that is about the limit of his cooking skills. He doesn't know what to buy at the supermarket or how to make a meal from fresh ingredients. He would probably be living on takeaways and pot noodles if it wasn't for me. I'm honestly miffed at his mum for not showing him how to make basic stuff before he left home.

Has anyone had a DP or DH who was useless at cooking? How long did it take for them to get up to an acceptable standard? Any suggestions?

[JoeMommuh]

Why are you not miffed at his dad?? What a ridiculous statement to say you're cross at his mother!! He's an adult he can teach himself. Nobody showed me but fortunately I have a vagina so picked it up fine once leaving home

[BathtimeFunkster]

I shared a house with a guy in his fourties who, although had a PhDs, didn't know what a 'pre heated oven' meant!

Unless he didn't speak basic English, that is bulllllllshit.

This dude is a 26 year old adult, if he's prepared to learn how to live as an independent adult he will.

Don't make that your project.

He should be embarrassed to have lived in the world for more than a quarter of a century without figuring out how to feed himself.

Not very manly, is it?

[TokenGinger]

What's amusing is, you're all jumping on her for blaming mum and not dad... What if dad is dead or hasn't been around?! Back off!

OP, for the winter, invest in a slow cooker and explain what vegetables are good with which meals. Teach him how to peel potatoes. Casseroles and stews are so easy to make.

[WhatALoadOfOldBollocks]

He's embarrassed that he cant cook eh? He's certainly not stupid is he, he's had other people cook for him for the first 26 years of his life! Anyway, has he tried Googling things like "how to boil an egg", "how to chop onions", "how to cook"? There really is no excuse these days because the internet is packed full of tutorials and information; pretty much everything he'd need to know is on it! I'm assuming he learned how to use a phone or computer and browse the web? He could Google "recipes for complete beginners", pick one (many will be mainly opening tins of pre-cooked food and chucking them all in a casserole pot) and if he gets stuck on a phrase or technique he can simply Google it can't he.

[WorldsBiggestGrotbag]

To be honest Token I'm not really blaming anyone except himself. No one taught me to cook, but as I have common sense and can follow instructions I taught myself. I had to, my mum left when I was 16 and my dad worked away Monday to Friday so no one to cook for me.

[namelessposter]

Delia or Jamie basic books (why wait for Christmas?) and he is assigned three nights a week as his cooking nights. On Sunday night, sit down together with the books and meal-plan, and he writes out a list of ingredients for him to purchase (don't let the purchasing always be your job - he is not the chef on a tv program with all the sourcing, prep, and clearing up as a 'skivvies job'.

Then on his night, leave him to it. Don't hover or micromanage (this is the hard part). Be ready with lots of praise when it's edible, and a sense of humour and eggs on toast when it's not.

We used this when I stopped being willing to cook every night when DH was around 36. It worked, and he has a bit of a repertoire now. I still cook a lot more than him, but when he knows it's his night to cook, he no longer looks at me in a wild panic.

[BikeRunSki]

Mil is a superb cook (unimaginative though, no prizes for interesting flavour combinations, but her classics are excellent). She is also a complete control freak and as a result neither DH or BiL (FiL) can cook. Over the years DH has mastered:

Pasta, pesto and brocolli
Baked salmon fillets, boiled new potato
Jacket spuds, beans, cheese
Stir fry and noodles
Egg fried rice
Pasta and veg sauce

So he can deal with a few meals. If he's got the DC to feed, it'll be beans on toast or tortellini.

Although last night he made tuna mayo for jacket spuds and used an entire (medium) jar of mayonnaise to a tin of tuna. Despite adding the other two tins we had and a tin of sweetcorn, it was still horrible gloop.

[BikeRunSki]

Fish finger sandwhiches too, he can manage them.

[moopymoodle]

I do all the cooking in my house as I'm a SAHM. DH rarely cooks and if he does its convenience food mostly, feel like ranting at him now to do more!!

[ThreeFrazzledFandangos]

XP was a terrible cook. I taught him, he learned.

XBiL used to scream at us that it wasn't his fault he couldn't cook when we refused to cook every single meal for him when his mum was away.

When he moved out SiL point blank refused to cater to him. Him learned.

Start with the basics - rice, pasta, jacket spuds and make sure he can make staple meals that you wouldn't mind eating regularly. Shouldn't take long until he can cook a good few days worth of meals.

[ThreeFrazzledFandangos]

Also prepare go eat some rank food when they go off piste and decide to cook you a surprise tea!

Pasta bake with unboiled pasta, hot cucumber and NO CHEESE TOPPING, anyone? WTF is the point of pasta bake if you don't bake cheese on the top? I was glad the pasta was raw in the end!

[Chippednailvarnish]

Why is it his mum's fault he can't cook? Why not his dad's?

Well looking at my DH who can after many years of trying just about do simple stuff, I most certainly do blame his mother. If you go to his parents house she basically chases you out of "her" kitchen or follows you around making passive aggressive comments.
I wouldn't mind so much but her cooking is pretty grim.

[annandale]

Dh is a sahd. Before meeting me he was microwave man. Neither of us is a great cook but putting meals together is not hard and he is pretty good now. His specialities are soup and jam (not together). Quite impressive for his previous level of operation.

Ask him what he would like to eat then he should go and find out how to cook it. And buy the ingredients.

I did teach him how to make a white sauce so that he could do cheese or mushroom sauces, and how to stew fruit. Otherwise he would have tended to see each meal he learned as a unit that couldn't be altered. Ringing the changes on a set of basic techniques is important.

[Sanchar]

DH is the same. his parents were extremely "traditional". any sign of dh helping his mum in the kitchen and he was called a pussy by dad

result now is an almost 40yo who doesn't know how to peel or chop an onion and even asks how to turn the oven on and how to cook the pizza he has in his hand with the instructions printed on the back.
all down to laziness and being too "busy" on his part to bother remembering as i have spent the last 15 years either showing him how or saying "look in the cookbook" "read the packet" "look up how online".

drives me mad as he mostly does remember, he just wants me to do it so puts on the thick as mince act.

[Tarzanlovesgaby]

ministry of food is good. very basic and step by step.
and youtube is also a treasurs trove if he needs a bit more visual instruction.

[LeChien]

Neither dh nor I could cook, but we bought books and learned.
It's not rocket science.

[FullmoonHalfmoonTotaleclipse]

I literally didn't know how to boil an egg when I left home. Started learning from scratch using Delia's complete cookery course book and am now known for being one of the better cooks amongst our familiy. Probably took me about six months to learn enough to be able to cook a small repertoire of meals without having to refer to a book and a year to become confident.

[Joysmum]

Teach the basic skills he'll need to be able to follow a recipe.

A recipe can't be followed with those basic skills. So teach temperature control and why it's breferable to either flash cook or braise slowly.

Cooking is a science. Good cooks understand that the same ingredients taste and textures differ according to how they are cooked and what technique to use to get the desired result.

So make cooking a time to be together, don't necessarily treat it as a structured lesson, more explaining what you are doing and why.

That's how I learnt to cook from my dad and how my daughter learnt from me. We never had cooking lessons, we just soaked it up like a sponge.

My DH also could cook but simple things like developing the flavor in mince by fully browning rather than lightly browning before turning by into chili makes all the difference.

[BertrandRussell]

It might be remotely logical to blame someone's parents if they couldn't cook at the age of 18.

But if they still couldn't 8 years later there's only one person to blame, really!

Op. What's his favourite meal? OK- whatever it is, that's what's for dinner tonight. He's cooking it. Just let him get on with it. Maybe help by checking that the recipe he finds online is a sensible and easy to follow one- some of them are rubbish. But after that it's up to him. Cooking is not, as they say, rocket surgery.

[happybubble4]

I couldn't cook when I left home, didn't blame my parents and then taught myself.

[waitingforcalpoltowork]

my dad taught me to cook (and my mother) sorry for dad bragging

anyway cooking is easy anyone can do it basic pasta dishes are a no brainer he would have done something in school

i think he is having you on you should become "ill" and watch him cook (with helpful suggestions along the way)

[Phantomquartz]

My DP was like this at the beginning of our relationship, he could cook but only stuff I never wanted to eat, that used every pan in the place and took 3 hours. My solution was to take him through a couple of his favourite meals that I make regularly and get him to cook them with me. Now these are "his" meals and he is the one who makes them.

[magiccatlitter]

Have him look on youtube as there are many many how to cook things on there that show step by step in detail.

I had a BIL who couldn't boil water and my DSis got him a cooking class. 10 years later, he is a professional chef!

[LieselVonTwat]

Can he fry meat? Because that's really easy and a gateway to loads of meals. If he can do that he can make a fry up, or steak and salad. He can then use those skills to make a stir fry. That's nearly half the week's meals sorted already.

[junebirthdaygirl]

Came on to say utube.. See lm beaten to it. When my ds went to college he could cook a bit but when he wanted to do something else he popped his laptop up and literally followed the steps. That way you don't even need to know the lingo. When l went to college l couldn't even use a can opener. Came from a large family where we had lots of chores but my sisters loved cooked so l let them get on with it. Soon learnt as l went along.