DP can't cook. WWYD?

[sparklejumpropequeen]

DP is 26. Before I met him, he had literally never cooked a meal in his life. He is not stupid but has no idea how to cook. It's a problem for me because I don't like having to do all the cooking, all the time. He can put a ready meal in the microwave and make toast, but that is about the limit of his cooking skills. He doesn't know what to buy at the supermarket or how to make a meal from fresh ingredients. He would probably be living on takeaways and pot noodles if it wasn't for me. I'm honestly miffed at his mum for not showing him how to make basic stuff before he left home.

Has anyone had a DP or DH who was useless at cooking? How long did it take for them to get up to an acceptable standard? Any suggestions?

[shadowfax07]

If he does want to learn, I'd second the suggestion of Delia's How to Cook.

My parents divorced when I was young, and my mother couldn't stand anyone in the kitchen with her when she was cooking. All I learnt from her was how to put jacket spuds in the oven, make an omelette for myself and how to make a Yorkshire salad. I taught myself to cook with Delia's books and DP now says I make certain meals better than his mum.

[Trills]

If he's embarrassed and wants to learn why hasn't he done something about it already?

The internet exists. Presumably he knows how to search.

He clearly doesn't actually think it is important.

[HormonalHeap]

My dh can't cook but I couldn't care less! He's the most supportive, capable of partners pulling his weight in every other way, clearing up after I've cooked, bringing me coffee in the morning, emotionally and financially supporting my children (who aren't his), the list goes on. But no, he can't cook. And?

[AKAmyself]

If he wants to learn, he will- 1 or 2 cookery books, plus a million YouTube videos with step by step tutorials on everything. Let him experiment and perhaps watch you cook a few times?

My dh can feed himself and he's quite good at certain basic things (eg omelettes). But he's never progressed past the basics nor does he realise quite a bad cook he is. His stuff is do bland and though he claims to like it like this, I can't believe it!
Tonight for example he'd bought some expensive mushrooms and despite me offering to make them he insisted he would do it. They were inedible, soggy, undercooked, no salt. He then got very pissy when no one would eat them. Or one day he said he would make chilli con carne - which consisted, I kid you not, of stirfried minced meat + a chopped onion. Literally nothing else.
It was worse than dog food and we had a massive argument over it - I couldn't touch it. but I mean, he's seen me make chilli a million times plus, look it up on the internet!

I get really wound up actually and I made him promise that if I die he has to take cooking classes to feed the kids!

[Wondererer]

I could have wrote this myself. Drives me insane

[sykadelic]

My DH can't cook. He could survive without me but he's definitely no chef, so he doesn't cook at home. I didn't do anything to "fix" him because he's an adult and if he doesn't want to cook, that's his choice and I married him in spite of his failure in the kitchen, just as he married me even though I know nothing about fixing the cars (and he does).

So on the days I don't want to cook, we eat left-overs, or he "makes" us a pizza or we get take out or something.

I agree with Scarlet who said I'd be livid if someone bought me a course on something I had no interest in as a gift just because it's something they think I should do.

[OurBlanche]

Way back in 1986 I got DH. He couldn't cook and didn't like 'all that fancy shite' that passed for herbs and spices that were available back then.

So, in a tiny galley kitchen he started to learn, browning mince, grilling meat, making stews and even microwave 'pinging'.

He soon decided that ready made meals were more expensive and tasted foul compared to made at homes. He branched out to Sunday lunches and on to making bread.

His worst effort, sustained over about 20 years, was after he learned to caramelise things. Oniions: check. Apples: check. Leeks: check. Cabbage - hold the bus!

It took a proper "Stop feeding me that burnt crap" conversation before he admitted that it didn't matter what he did, it wasn't going to work

Nowadays we share the cooking. He tends to do weekday stuff. All sorts, lots of herbs and spices. I tend to make more complicated dishes, weekend feasts, etc. It works well.

All you have to do is sit back and let him get on with it. He may surprise himself!

[tictactoad]

I could barely cook when I left home. Could barely run a washing machine either. Soon learned.

Necessity is the mother of invention, OP. If he wants to learn to cook (and shop for said cooking) all he needs to do is read a recipe book and make a list.

[ChilliAndMint]

FoodWishes on youtube..it's brilliant and compelling to watch.

[Sanchar]

Also down to being enabled by a partner who puts up with someone who assumes such work is for someone else to do.

err, no actually. he quite often lives on cereal or toast because i don't pander to his incapability. if he asks how to cook a pizza he is told to get a grip and read the packet. how is that enabling

actually i can see how you came up with that conclusion, i haven't spent the whole of the last 15 years showing him how to do stuff, i showed him when we first met but after a year or so i would give him the face and tell him to read the packet/book/website.

[Verypissedoffwife]

Reminds me of a conversation between my daughter and her friend:

"Mummy does adding and taking away. She doesn't do it herself though she uses a calculator"

"Wow that's cheating! I'm going to do that when I grow up. It's really easy"

They're not wrong...

[dratsea]

Paid at least half the mortgage well, most months.

[Verypissedoffwife]

"Sew for a living" used to describe beimg a surgeon

[dratsea]

Age 15 I got invited back to girlfriend's for lunch, beans on toast. From the tin, and cold. Probably her father's fault? He was ex-SBS, canoe/dive/blow up a bank, fluent in Arabic and could catch skin and cook anything that moved.

DS has cooked for the family from age 13. DD (and DW) drive big ships. I (bloke) use the sewing machine, used to sew for a living (well... sort of, surgeon).

I blame David Cameron

[popalot]

ps I do think it is a symptom of how girls grow up being taught to 'get on with it' and be self sufficient, whereas boys seem to get the message that they are more entitled. Both parents (mum and dad) and society as a whole are responsible for this.

[PerspicaciaTick]

But when I wanted to learn to service my first car, my DP showed me how. Some of it was learned from a Haynes manual, but it helped to have someone to show me how to use the tools, give me some handy tips and point out where stuff was when it didn't look like the picture. And I rather enjoyed learning how to mix concrete and cut slabs for that patio. Having said that, there is plenty that I've taught him too.

[popalot]

Cook together, so he can learn the basics. Then, when he feels more confident/interested, he can make you a meal one day. He will probably use every utensil in the kitchen, all the pots and pans and take a couple of hours to do it, but each time thereafter he will become more practiced and efficient.

[Verypissedoffwife]

I expect the OP I'd going to come back on and sat his Dad's dead and then I'll feel a right twat for my 3 ranting posts.

If that's the case I'm sorry OP I'm taking out my anger in the injustice of the way society expects women to be responsible for EVERYTHING on your one comment of "I blame his mother "!

[expatinscotland]

'Surely people like helping their DPs learn and try new things? Boggling that anyone goes through life refusing to help their DPs (and presumably never accepting any help themselves).'

I didn't go out with men who needed shadowed and taught like my 6-year-old in the name of 'help'.

The OP's DP wants to learn. Okay. So why hasn't he got on with it already? Of his own initiative?

I wanted to learn to knit. I didn't wait for my husband to teach me and shadow me like a child. It's not hard to learn.

[Verypissedoffwife]

Exactly expat and mintyy

My son is 15 and can't cook anything beyond cheese toasties. I expect that's all my fault.

Not his father's or his step father's or his step mother's. Or school (he does food tech and gets As and Bs for his pretty looking food that doesn't get tasted). It's all my fault because despite me working full time in a professional job and being a mother to 3 children it's also my job to keep a clean and tidy home with wardrobes full of clean ironed clothes and impart this domesticity to my children. Especially the male ones (my daughters will probably be genetically disposed to cooking and cleaning anyway so probably won't need as much guidance).

What if they don't know how to mow a lawn or take the bins out? Will that be their Dad's fault?

[ScarletRuby]

My partner can't cook, and doesn't want to learn. That's absolutely fine by me, I enjoy cooking and he makes up for it in other ways. I'd be livid if someone bought me a course on something I had no interest in as a gift just because it's something they think I should do.

[expatinscotland]

'DH is the same. his parents were extremely "traditional". any sign of dh helping his mum in the kitchen and he was called a pussy by dadhmm

result now is an almost 40yo who doesn't know how to peel or chop an onion and even asks how to turn the oven on and how to cook the pizza he has in his hand with the instructions printed on the back.
all down to laziness and being too "busy" on his part to bother remembering as i have spent the last 15 years either showing him how or saying "look in the cookbook" "read the packet" "look up how online".'


Also down to being enabled by a partner who puts up with someone who assumes such work is for someone else to do.

My DH has such bad dyslexia he struggles to read anything. He learned nothing at home.

He learned to cook with YouTube and a DS game about cooking.

And is left to it. I had to live with our daughter in hospital for 8 months and he had to stay home with our other two.

And get the fuck on with it.

[PerspicaciaTick]

Surely people like helping their DPs learn and try new things? Boggling that anyone goes through life refusing to help their DPs (and presumably never accepting any help themselves).

[PerspicaciaTick]

I've got a box of filing cards in the kitchen, where I write down our favourite recipes. The ingredients go on the front of the card, the instructions on the back and if it doesn't fit then it is too complicated. DH is better about trying to cook new things now, because he will have eaten everything at least once before and knows what he is aiming for.

[expatinscotland]

He's never heard of YouTube? Why is it your job to teach him? It's not exactly rocket science. I taught myself with books and trying it. I never assumed it was anyone's responsibility but mine.