Narcissistic Abuse - Moving on...

[sleepingwithenemy]

I never, ever thought I'd get out. I exhausted myself trying so hard to make it work. For the children, for the grandparents, for everyone but me. Then one day it got too much, the children sobbed their hearts out as he enacted the old 'man of the house' scenario. I have no idea where the strength came from but I just snapped and thought, enough! We are no longer together, I am healing daily but wanted to talk to others who have been through a relationship with the 'narc'. I am weary posting on the net but I need to reach out and speak to others who have been through it. It's hard but we are getting there. I can't articulate just how much I love being with my DC right now. He always had the last say in everything. It was awful. I wanted to fix him, to help him. I swore I was everything to him but he had issues. I was so very wrong.
A now single parent who did the right thing. No matter what anyone else says. Thanks

Well done . I have limited experience of narcs, but yiu'be done the best thing there.

*you've

I've been there, done that, have the t shirt! I didn't have dc, but it was a huge relief when I finally saw what was happening and left.

I don't know how long you've been out but my crazy boy tried a lot to get me back, while also ripping up all photos of me (I want supposed to see that but had sick back into the house to get some things)

Good on you, and you've done great!

Yes, been there, done it and left in the same way (my dc were 10 and 8).

How long since you left?

It's a long, long, way back to yourself after being abused by a Narc. It's longer than you think because you need to fix that bit of you that made you put up with it so long, the bit that allowed it to let nearly destroy you.

But the journey is sweet, very sweet.

Thank you for the replies, really appreciated.

Handywoman - it's been almost a month since he was taken away and haven't seen him since. Do elaborate if you can on the journey to healing. You sound like you've done well for yourself and I so want to too.

You can count me in I had a 5* olympic-gold narc of an ex. -Oscar worthy performances.... I am SO detached now I'm practically on another planet. Go me!

Oh sleeping well done, very well done. Do you have a thread on here? Presumably you have a whole load of logistical/legal stuff to sort out? Are you ok for money etc? Do you have a solicitor?

I've made a lot of progress by:

1. the sheer, daily, heartfelt joy of having the fucker out of my house
2. not letting him so much as come to my front door, initially (he is permitted to the front door now that I no longer give a shit about him)
3. being 'me' again with friends/family instead of living with confusion at the contrast between the private and public versions of him
4. meditation - there are lots of apps out there!
5. laughter
6. trips away and building a new sense of 'family' just the 3 of us that we are not broken but are ok - more than ok as a unit
7. freedom program (can't access face to face here but did online - do it face to face if poss)
8. counselling - was ok to a point
9. psychotherapy (amazing - my psychotherapist got me to look at how my relationship fitted into my childhood experiences - and gave everything the clarity and inevitability that was there all along
10. slinging out every. single. thing that made me think of him (took some time as he was a lazy eBay hoarder)
11. redecorating the house - such very fond memories of pulling down his shit DIY

I started out feeling very damaged. Now when I think of him I just think 'meh' and I'm a far better person than when I met him.

For some you need guidance and proper help, for the rest you just need time, friends and

Look after yourself

Thanks again, and well done to you Fuckingsickofhackers...brilliant name.

OMG, the being me part...I have been sat looking at that line for a while now! Now to get on the other points... being ME again, wow.