still wanting sex with long term partner. aibu

[TheGreatReveal]

Here's the deal I have been with my partner for a long time and I get the impression DW would like less sex than me as apparently I want it all the time (which is not true). What i am trying to understand is at what length of time in a relationship should the sexual desire of a couple dwindle to near extinction? I do not want to become a couple who only have sex once a month as I am highly driven in that department. DW is a stunning woman who works hard at keeping herself in tone and has lost a significant amount of weight and I worry sometimes that maybe I am no longer fully satisfying her or she has a new impression of herself to which I am not up to standard. If there is anybody on here with advice because I feel like I am the bad guy for wanting relations to which is a very natural instinct.

What a shitty, passive-aggressive title for your thread, OP.

I really don't know what to say to you - if you're this passive aggressive with her 'I feel like I am the bad guy for my natural instincts blah blah' then I can see why she doesn't want to sleep with you.

I don't want to be in a relationship at any age that does not include sex but we are all different and tbh if my partner said I was wanting sex all the time I'd find even than hard to deal with, sounds like you are being rejected.

Talk to her and if she still isn't on your page you either accept it or decide it's not for you.

I didn't notice a passive aggressive title?
Anyway. You need to talk to her. Nicely and calmly. Don't be petulant, accusatory or sulk.
And then what jan45 said.

I don't think the OP has been passive aggressive??!! What a weird thing to say ForChina

I agree with Jan45

Sex is a very important part of a relationship (unless both parties are A sexual). And, if she's lost a lot of weight, I think it would be natural for her to be feeling more sexy!

Are you 100% sure she is being faithful? Sorry to plant that seed, it's just that I once knew an overweight lady, who wasn't sleeping with her DH, but she started to see someone else and became a fitness freak shedding stones! Hopefully this is not the case.

I think 2-3 times a week is a good amount to aim for.

Surely you should be telling her how you feel.

How is it passive aggressive, no wonder the OP hasn't returned.

What age is she? I know the approach to menopause can be the death-knoll for libido in a lot of women - it'll come back, but will take time. And yes, talk to her in a non-pressury sort of way. It's never going to improve if you're being stroppy and sulky about it - no-one wants to shag a man who's being an entitled arse. And think about other areas of your relationship - do you go out and have fun together? Because that'll help.

Agree Jan45

magiccatlitter - have you been a nob all of your life?

A woman would never be asked that question on here. Fucking ridiculous.

I don't think it's fair to immediately cry "cheater" as much as infidelity is the main topic of conversation around here.

Why do you want sex with her? You don't have to answer here but think about it... If it's because you want the intimacy, find her hugely attractive etc that's one thing.. If it's because you think SHE is being unreasonable by whotholding sex from you, because you're horny and she's supposed to... That's quite another.

Menopause, difficult birth trauma, contraception choices, stress... All contribute for not wanting sex.

I think your OP gives a clue to your own low self esteem actually, and maybe you should look at making some positive changes in your own life... Are you stuck in a rut while she's taken the initiative to make changes and you're feeling resentful of them? Just a thought.

Your thread title is perfectly fine. Barring an actual physical inability to do so, I expect that my husband and I will keep making love until one of us dies.

It will likely stop at that point, although if one of us is a secret necrophiliac, who knows?

Why do you feel the need for sex all the time?

It seems to me you have self esteem issues you need to address.

No one on this planet ever died from lack of sex. It's a biological fact.

He says he doesn't feel the need sex all the time. Elendon And even if no one has died from lack of sex, it makes life a little less interesting without it.

I wouldn't be happy with sex once a month OP, and I can't see that ever changing.

I agree Jan45

No one may have died from a lack of sex, Elendon - but plenty of relationships have.

OP what do you count as sex? Is it just piv? Or do you include other forms of intimacy? Because you may want to think of it from your partners point of view - If sex meant getting f**d every time you might not be up for it as often. Incorporate other things and you might get more of what you want.

That said you need to use your words and talk to your partner in a loving, nonaccusatory way. And if it sex has dwindled don't expect to jump in to the deep end when you resume ease into it.