Waiting for my dp to move out heavily pregnant and need some hand holding

[whohasnickedmyvodka]

I am waiting for my partner to move out this afternoon he has been told by ss that he has to because of his previous history of dv ( I didn't know this ) his drinking and concerns over his mental health. I'm currently pregnant c section due on the 17th December I also have a 9 year old dd .Ss have said my children will be put on a chin plan , they where looking at child protection but I said I would get him to leave before they asked me . He is making me feel so guilty and says I have thrown him under the bus for agreeing with ss all I'm doing is protecting my children I'm sitting here a sobbing mess because I feel guilty :( :( :(

You are doing the right thing. People who drink too much need to fix themselves before they can live with others- because they are always getting drunk and behaving like ... drunks. And, definitely no child should have to be around a drunk. Unfortunately, a lot of drunks don't see it this way. Alcohol really seems to impair the alcoholics ability to see what their behavior looks like to others, I think.

My DS's father is an alcoholic, and he even came by to pick up our son, driving, and he was drunk! I to buy a breathalyzer, and I said - DS is not getting in the car with you - you are drunk - and if you don't think you are, just blow in this! I mean, it really impairs their judgement.

Don't feel guilty - because it is too easy to end up enabling him. If I've learned one thing - you can't fix an alcoholic, they have to fix themselves. Unfortunately, not all of them do fix themselves.

Be strong, and try not to focus too much on the negatives in your life. Force yourself to look at/find/create the positives.

Hope that helps.

You have done the right thing, has he gone now?

Oh please do not feel guilty.
As a mother you have to protect your DC's and in doing that you have to protect yourself. SS often get bad press due to their actions but believe me as much as it may hurt you and make you feel guilty you are doing the right thing.

He presents a danger to your children. Protecting them is more important than his hurt feelings. The fact he doesn't recognise that is a warning sign in itself.

He threw himself under the bus by failing to tell you that he had a history of DV. He should have been honest before starting a relationship with you never mind getting you pregnant. You need to put the children first, social workers will intervene.

So sorry you're in this situation. Please don't take on the guilt he is trying to lay on you.

For SS to have intervened like this, he is most certainly minimizing his historic involvement with them. They do not dish out those kind of restrictions lightly.

You are quite rightly protecting your DCs, and will no doubt continue to do so.

I know I'm doing the right thing it's just hit me that I'm going to be on my own again at 39 with a new born a 9 year old and I'm having a c section a week before Xmas.I am still waiting to see what ss say about contact hormones are really not helping and also today is the anniversary of losing my dd eve at 18+3 last year :( :( :(

Today must be very difficult for you. So sorry for the loss of your little DD.
Don't feel guilty - feel proud that you've done what is necessary to safeguard your DC.
And your DP can still be a part of his child's life, but don't allow him to bully you into agreeing to anything against your better judgement.
As to Christmas, do you have family or friends who could host you? Or (and maybe even nicer) could you get some lovely ready to heat meals and just have a fabulous day with your DC in front of the TV and enjoying new Christmas presents? Get as organised as possible beforehand so you don't have last minute wrapping etc to worry about.

You're doing the right thing. In the really hard moment, just keep repeating that to yourself. You are doing the right thing. You're putting your children first.

As chair suggested, is there family you can stay with over Christmas? Or can anyone come to you to help you with your recovery after your c section?

I have had to give up my job as my partner was doing the child care so I have had to apply for benefits . I don't have the best relationship with my mum so me staying there is not the best idea she is going to have my 9 year old for me so that's one thing less to worry about

Why have you already given up your job? Could you not find wrap around care , SW would probably have assisted your search. Working Tax credits could assist with cost. Even just to tie you over for a few weeks until you can take ml.

I was what was classed as a casual worker and was told I wasn't entitled to any ml I think my boss had been doing something dodgy the plan was to have 6 weeks off and go back I was going to work a week up until my due date

SMP is based on your actual wages so no, doesn't sound right. Can you claim MA instead?

Oh you poor love
Your partner has behaved extremely badly by hiding his history of DV. I can tell you it must have been serious for SS to say he has to leave. Has he been abusive to you? What steps have they suggested he takes - perpetrators program?
Did you have concerns about his alcohol use or mental health?

I do have concerns about his drinking he does drink a lot and has been depressed I have done the freedom program before due to past issues with my son . He has signed up for and alcohol abuse course and starts on Monday