How do i make up with my mum ( Long - sorry )

[pinkranger]

wondering whether any one out there could give me any advice on this situation that i want sorted out before Christmas, i love the festive season and hate to think that my mum wont be part of it!

I have not spoken to my mum sine the middle of August when i had a miscarriage and lost my baby at 10 weeks. She didn't come to see me for a few days ( which is not why we fell out) but did moan at me for going to see my sister first and not her, even though i can talk to my sister alot easier and we are also very close.
The reason that she made me so mad was that she took this awful situation and made it about her! At that point in time of my life i couldn't really give a shit about how anyone was feeling except me, Ds and Dh , that may sound selfish but no one else mattered. But she seemed to think that i should considered her feelings about not going to see her first !! _ this was 5 days after the scan had told us the sad news.
Anyway we still have not spoken , i kept thinking that after this fall out over the phone that after a couple of days she would ring and she didn't , and i know that in some ways i should have rang her but i was so mad that she was meant to be my mother and she was not there for me that i couldn't bring myself to do it.

Dh went to see her and my step dad last month talk try and sought things out, to " offer an olive branch " if you like, tell them how i felt and also his feelings about this, my they just started saying that the ONLY reason we are drawn to my sister is because she recently has come in alot of money - which was totally unfair as we had become really close about 4 months before her " win fall" when i got married. My Dh kept saying what a load of rubbish but they was saying that it wasn't , we have never asked my sister for nothing and anything she has done is because she wanted to do it! ( also add that my mum didn't do bad out of it !)
Anyway we still have not heard nothing and i just want to try and get on with it. In some ways i want to stick to my guns but i know that she is my mum and i do still love her and want her to be part of my sons life. My dh thinks i should not contact her but HAS said he will stand by me whatever i decided to do.

Just do not know how to go about it really, and i know that i need to tell her how she made me feel....
Sorry if this seems really rambled.......

bump

I don't think you should throw away the relationship with your mum over this if it has always been good. I won't have my mother in my life with good reason so I do see how you feel.

I would send a card and write how you want to make up, you were so distraught at the loss of your baby that you had to focus on your immediate family. I would leave your sister out of it. If your sister is happy to share her good fortune with you then it is up to her.

thank NAB3 - My relationship has never been fantastic with my mum but not that bad i would want to throw it away. I thought of texing but writing a card seems more peronal.... thank you x

I also don't really get on with my mum, but she's the only one I have after all.

I think you should write a card as well. Or even phone and just ask can you put it behind you.

Say you know you were both upset at the time, but it's not worth falling out forever over and see what happens. At this stage, it's not really worth going over the old ground about who was upset why, so don't start that conversation and don't let her draw you into it.

Is you mum menopausal by the way? It's not really a valid "excuse" by my mum got really narky during the menopause and as it's in her nature to "brood" over things anyway and never forgive, it just made her impossible.

mum has been meonapausle for years!! (sp) - does make hard work but most of the time i normally take what she says/does with a pinch of salt this time i just couldnt. i am going to build up botttle to go see her this week - it is right to feel nervous??

Have just changed to christmas name - sorry if any confusion

I completely understand you feeling nervous. I would be on the verge of being sick. I HATE doing that sort of thing.

BUT, I think you will be relieved that you did.

Just make sure you both focus on "moving on". It's not like with your DH/DP and you have to sort out the nitty gritty in order to be able to live together. I think with your mum or other family members, you can "gloss over" more things in order to keep the family together IYSWIM.

thank you 12days xx

hi , just to let you know that i did go and see my mum on thursday. Said what i needed to say and she did aswell but it really cleared the air. Am taking ds to see her this afternoon as she hasnt seen him since august.
Thank you for your advice x