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Relationships

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Original poster

Do you & your DP celebrate 'anniversaries'?

33 replies

PeppasNanna · 15/10/2015 22:16

Tomorrow it will be 16 years since dp & i met.

I always bought him a gift & card to celebrate but stopped as he didn't return the gesture.On our 10th anniversary he didn't even bother to open his gift. Hes never acknowledged it.

Am i being silly? We're middle aged now, dc etc. We will never marry so this wont change.

Do other cohabiting couples celebrate their anniversary?

OP posts:

SkandiStyle · 15/10/2015 22:28

We have been together for 24 years. We still celebrate big anniversaries on a fairly formal footing, usually with cards and a special dinner or a weekend away.

Smaller anniversaries, which are only known to us, are usually just acknowledged with a smile and a bit of nostalgia. This weekend it will be 24 years since the very first time we met. I expect I will get a cup of tea in bed and DH will play some of the music we listened to at the time. Nothing dramatic, but meaningful to us.

Your DP refusing to open his present is just ruddy ignorant though. How very rude.

kittybiscuits · 15/10/2015 22:29

Gosh - he sounds joyful. Does he usually pull passive-aggressive stunts like not opening cards/gifts?

AnnieKenney · 15/10/2015 22:32

I like to. DP not so much. Decided eventually that I wanted to mark them so I would irrespective of his engagement with it. I kept it low key (ie would cook special meal and toast him happy anniversary / make sure we spent 'us' time together but not much more). Oddly enough he started to (tentatively and not at all reliably) join in a few years ago (around 15 years). Go figure.

Would have annoyed me more if his lack of joining in had extended further but it didn't - he just has a 'thing' about anniversaries, finding them a bit contrived. He doesn't 'do' Valentine's Day either (although has a further blind spot about his birthday 'not counting' as an 'anniversary'!)

Shakey15000 · 15/10/2015 22:39

We exchange cards on our wedding anniversary and have a meal if it's a "special" one (5/10/15yrs). We also, exchange smiles etc on the anniversary of the day we met. But I think that's purely because it was a memorable day (Good Friday), not sure we'd remember otherwise to be honest

Original poster

PeppasNanna · 15/10/2015 22:42

Thanks.

It was the only time he didn't open a gift but i never bothered after that. He tries on my birthday but normally its something like vouchers.

I was just wondering if i was over thinking it. Everyone i know is married.

OP posts:

Kim82 · 15/10/2015 22:47

We celebrate our wedding anniversary by going out for a meal. We don't celebrate any other anniversary though, to be honest I don't know the date we met (it was in February at some point) and I only know the date we first slept together as it was the day after my birthday and it never gets mentioned really.

Original poster

PeppasNanna · 15/10/2015 22:54

Thats what i meanKim82, we dont & never will have a wedding anniversary so am i being unrealistic expecting dp to remember the date we met?

OP posts:

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 15/10/2015 23:00

We met at work, didn't get together for a couple of years so no idea of the exact date. As for our first date, it was one of the May bank holiday Mondays but by the time a year came round we couldn't remember which one it was so it's never been mentioned again (18 years later). We did get married but don't really do much for our wedding anniversary either, usually just cards because it's the done thing. However we are in agreement over this minimal level of celebration, if one of us wanted to make more of it we would.

Original poster

PeppasNanna · 15/10/2015 23:32

I would celebrate a wedding anniversary if i had one!

It seems im overthinking it.

I feel sad we've no marker or celebtation of our time together...

OP posts:

HormonalHeap · 15/10/2015 23:42

I think if you're not married then yes, it would've normal to celebrate the day you met. We'te married and i have to admit I made a point of NOT buying dh a card/present on the anniversary of the day we met (as we now have a wedding anniversary); only for dh to buy me a present. Hopefully next year he won't as i felt bad! But if we weren't married then yes that would definitely be the day we remember/celebrated.

peggyundercrackers · 15/10/2015 23:53

Neither of us know when we got together, we worked together for a long time and the date we actually went t is lost in the midst of time - we have never celebrated the day we got together. If we were married then yes we would celebrate our anniversary.

Qwebec · 16/10/2015 00:37

Not married, but we celebrate theday we met. Some years a few days late 'cause we forgot. A special meal or outing. But we are pretty relaxed about it. I'd do the same if we were married. I happy with this.

But you seem disappointed. Have you talked about how you feel with your DP?

NoodleNuts · 16/10/2015 00:43

I'm not married ( together 7 years) and I remember the date we met/first got together and try and arrange a meal out or something on our anniversary. My DP hasn't got a clue what date we met or got engaged and no anniversary would ever be celebrated if it was left to him

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 16/10/2015 01:15

DP and I won't be able to marry for 10+ years due to DC commitments, so we celebrate the date we met/went out/slept together (all the same one!)

If we do marry then maybe we won't celebrate both, but it's nice to mark the passing of time together. We've been together 3 years last month, without remembering the date as significant I wouldn't know that, and that feels odd!

Perhaps if the start of a relationship is a bit less specific then it's not as significant to some people? The gift thing is shit though, no wonder you stopped bothering.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 16/10/2015 05:15

I generally wouldn't. I didn't when I was married. I wouldn't really remember when I'd met someone and wouldn't really think of celebrating it.

Mind you, I don't celebrate my birthday either.

I'm always a bit about adults getting hung up on exhchanging folded card and cliched 'romantic' gifts.

I don't think that makes me 'right', but equally I don't think that makes me wrong.

I find gift giving/receiving very stressful and not at all pleasurable.

winchester1 · 16/10/2015 05:40

Were not married, been together 6.5 yrs and have never celebrated the day we met. Although we've vaguely talked about celebrating when its ten yrs but I think that's more because the kids will be 4 and 5 so old enough to leave with their aunty who won't have them both at the same time at the moment.

nooka · 16/10/2015 05:56

I am married, but we have never really celebrated any of our anniversaries. dh has talked about doing something this year (20 years) but I'll be a bit surprised if we actually do. He's just not one for what he thinks of as artificial celebrations. It took years for him to understand that celebrating my birthday was important to me, and a while to get him to even really enjoy Christmas. It was his birthday last week and he got quite irritated that me and the kids wanted to do something for it as he had other things he wanted to do. dd made a cake and he was more concerned about the washing up!

We've talked about our different approaches and reached a compromise that we will go out for a meal and do small presents, so fairly low key, but he is clearly quite uncomfortable about celebrations. Which is sad because I like them!

OP have you talked to your dp about why he hasn't reciprocated? Is it because he thinks a 'when we first met' anniversary is meaningless, or that he doesn't like anniversary type celebrations, or maybe even celebrations at all? For my dh it was to do with some childhood dynamics.

Original poster

PeppasNanna · 16/10/2015 11:27

Dp said he just doesnt remember.

I am disappointed as i think its lack of effort or thought on his part. He just cant be bothered to do stuff.

For me its not even about gifts, its acknowledging the other person. Doing something thoughtful.

I dont know why I'm still bothered about it. Maybe its my age. The realisation, this is it. Nothing to look forward to but more of the same.

I organise everything all of the time so im being daft to expect anything different after all these years!

Thankyou for all the replies.

OP posts:

BoboChic · 16/10/2015 11:30

Yes we do. However, DP and I met on what would have been his 10th wedding anniversary with his exW so it's a bit

NameChange30 · 16/10/2015 11:31

It might not be important to everyone, but it is important to you, and for that reason I think your partner should at least try and make an effort. Not even opening the present you gave him is extremely cruel. Does he make an effort and show you he cares in other ways?

Original poster

PeppasNanna · 16/10/2015 11:34

He makes an 'effort' for my birthday & Christmas. But in saying that he will buy something like vouchers.

For my 40th i got a new phone
He thinks hes very generous!

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 16/10/2015 11:39

Hmmm, vouchers is NOT an effort! Have you heard of the 5 love languages? Gift-giving is one of them. He might be one of those people who prefers to express his love in other ways. But you should both be making an effort to speak the other's languages, so to speak.

Original poster

PeppasNanna · 16/10/2015 11:41

No I've never heard of the 5 love languages.

OP posts:

Original poster

PeppasNanna · 16/10/2015 11:46

Just looked it up on Google...

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 16/10/2015 11:58

What does mean?!

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