Online dating

[spankingnewme]

Ok keep it brief, i gather from advice on here u should keep a few on the go, talk to lots, go on lots of dates. I find it all quite stressful! But have talked to a few I liked and narrowed it down to 3, then met one, amazing attraction didn't expect it and met again next day started sleeping together I know I know.... But enjoy his company but think he's keeping me at arms length still, fair enough it's early days, should I still be meeting up with the others? I really want to meet one he's always msging and we get on well through msging...but feel guilty and am actually lying to first one about what I'm doing! Why is it so difficult? What to do? Or I'm guessing I shouldn't have slept with the first one?! Advice would be great but gut instinct is I need to atleast meet other one maybe?

Sleeping with the first one is fine, if that's what you wanted to do.

I was recently in the same situation and decided to hide my profile and see how it panned out with the first guy I met.

That turned out to be the right decidsion, he is ace. I can't be doing with the 'keep a few on the go' mentality.

Concentrate on the one you're attracted to :)

Why string someone along? It's not nice.

Until you have the exclusivity talk, anything goes, apparently.

I really am not stringing anyone along tho,feel guilty as yes it feels like that! I literally really like one on paper he's great and just through msging feels like he's supported me through loads recently, then met the other one in person and boom! Thought he was amazing! feel I need to meet other guy so I can atleast know I made right choice but then it might get more complicated if I like him too....plus conversation is definitely towards the sexual side with him now, so if he's anywhere near as attractive as he is lovely I'm going to be in trouble! So typical isn't it, haven't had any sign of action for ages and can't even enjoy it now!

Do what you feel is right for you. If you want to concentrate on one man, then you do that.

However, be aware that he may be operating differently and be seeing you and other women too. Until you have a conversation about being exclusive (which I wouldn't expect until at least 6 weeks or so at the earliest) you're not going to know. Use condoms!

Yes it could get complicated and before the days of online dating have you ever started seeing someone but then dated someone else at the same time? Would you be happy if your MR Attractive dated someone at the same time as you?
Do what you like, it's your choice.

Be careful about bearing your soul to strangers online that you've never met. As a person who's been there with online dating for three years you can have experiences of people that come across as someone they're not.

It gets very stressful if you start seeing more than one, I did this for a while and ended up seeing 3 at the same time, liked all of them ( they were all different from each other, nothing alike ), I ended up getting really stressed, worried about choosing and letting them down gently. I have ended up not seeing any of them and am now seeing someone else.

I think you probably have worked out that maybe you would be in a simpler position if you had stopped short of sleeping with the first guy, that way you may have felt less guilt about meeting the others.
Fine to multi-date while searching, OD is time consuming enough without sifting through one at a time, that doesn't mean it's ideal to sleep with them all.
If first guy is keeping a distance somehow though, I'd go with your gut and I think that I'm reading that you would like to meet the nice guy that has been supporting you.
Be clear to yourself about what you want from OD, whirlwind attraction does not necessarily make for a happy relationship, though if you are valuing the fun, then that's ok. If you meet the nice chap and the attraction is there, but less strong (and he's not as keen to DTD asap), that might be no bad thing. IME attraction grows with respect and admiration for who the person is whereas, the instantaneous draw can fade quickly if turned off by their subsequent behaviour.

I think I'm now put off online dating forever. Seeing 3 at once and hoping one pans out? How can you put any effort or sincerity into a possible relationship if you have multiple partners on the go? If this is what normal dating has become now, I'll just stay single. Or do you now have to have an exclusivity talk six weeks into any relationship and accept you're not the only one?

knights pretty much, yes.

When I did OD, I didn't seriously think I'd meet someone, it was more about just meeting people and getting my head round it all again. I think a lot of men still carry on 'browsing' even after the chat.

As for you, OP, I'm baffled. Someone you are chatting with online on a dating site has supported you through loads? I'm sorry, but why are you discussing your problems with men you are chatting with?

If I was chatting to a man online who needed supporting through some life stuff, and who was choosing a stranger as his source of support, I'd be wondering why he didn't have anyone IRL to do this, or that he was a bit of a drama/sympathy seeker and that he would always need supporting through some crisis or other.

That is just bonkers to be honest. You have no idea who he really is.

The chatting stage of OD is supposed to be about lighthearted getting to know you and working out if there is enough there to be worth meeting up. It's also best to meet up within a couple of weeks so that you don't get to the stage of becoming emotionally intimate with a complete stranger.

Thanku for the replies, yes I agree I should not be getting too attached or attracted before meeting which is why I can't not meet this guy, it has only been a few weeks chatting. It does seem odd he's helped me through some stuff but it was totally accidental that something stressful was going on that it turned out he had a lot of experience with himself and his straight talking helped! Maybe that's all his role in my life is meant to be, but anyway it's arranged now I'm meeting him tonight. And no in real life I wouldn't be seeing two men like this...and I wouldn't have more than one on the go in future either but I didn't expect to find one attractive, nice guy who likes me let alone two! But having not met the second one who knows maybe I haven't! Dispite the obvious weirdos on there (and I did meet one who was totally not what he made out) I am surprised by the number of nice decent men on there! And it is really nice to have met someone lovely, it doesn't happen often to someone not doing online dating! The first guy, I don't know if he's still seeing anyone else, think he was disillusioned by it all and about to come off wen we started talking... I'm not going to overthink this anymore just meet up with second one and then can see how we get on. I think the problem is like we all know it takes time wen u are seeing someone to actually find the real person and then figure out if you are actually compatible, so I'd feel stupid ignoring someone who might be perfect for me for someone who might be just pretending to be something he's not just to get his leg over! glad to hear I'm not the only one who's been in this position too, unless I'd only talked to one person and sifted through them one at a time it's easily done, but I know myself the sleeping together was silly when I still wanted to meet other guy...I stupidly got carried away and caught up in the moment, but I am worried like someone said because it was so quick and intense it might fade just as quickly..