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Original poster

Have I creeped her out, avoiding walking past me?

60 replies

Apprac · 15/10/2015 19:28

Im guessing she finds me creepy or similar? A girl seems to deliberatly avoid walking past me. she's done it in the past by which i mean she speeds up to avoid us passing. she also reaches out when passing something almost like a nervous thing so she can turn away quickly and walk away. Another time she walked past and looked down and fiddled with the zip on her jacket then she deliberatly avoided walking past me by going the long way around. Iam attracted to her maybe she dont feel the same obviously lol
somedays she avoids eye contact like looks the other way when i look at her, when I look at her she won't look at me. But then today she was totally different talking with full eye contact but she still looks at this other guy much more and avoids me when in conversation. Anyway later that day I did stare at her a few times, in which I mean I looked at her obviously she saw me but didn't look backend generally looked at the floor. After this she changed. She walked past once messing with the zip on her jacket, then walked the long way round to avoid walking past me. At the end of the day she was around but she was facing the opposite way as I said goodbye, she replied. she moved again i could see her looking at the other guy whilst waving to him, she then carried on the direction i was going waved to me but didn't even look at me, but just looked elsewhere whilst she put her hand up. I find this quite rude? She doesn't seem to have a problem looking at the other guy, but like even in conversation she will very rarely look at me as if I don't exist.
Girls, should I just back away and avoid looking at her completely?

OP posts:
MoriartyIsMyAngel · 15/10/2015 22:52

Don't think of her as rude. She doesn't owe you the same amount of eye contact that she gives to some other person.

You sound like you're taking a lot of notice of every little thing she does. That may look quite intense.

Don't ignore her, but just go about your business and stop looking for her. If she is really interested in you, she'll approach you sooner or later. If she's not, she won't.

lorelei9 · 15/10/2015 23:45

Stop staring at her, you mentioned you have been
Stop comparing her interactions with other men to her interactions with you

If she feels like she's being watched, it's because she is!!

springydaffs · 15/10/2015 23:46

Some vile posts on your thread op.

Iiwy I'd ask her, calmly and gently, if you have offended her. If she still won't interact I'd follow her lead and generally not pay her much attention. It's awkward but you can do it.

My reading of this is that it's her who has the problem. And yes I think it could be that she is shy around you because she is attracted to you.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 15/10/2015 23:58

She sounds really uncomfortable. Whatever the reason, I wouldn't ask her - that is not going to help and she doesn't owe you any kind of explanation. Just leave her alone - if she was interested she would have shown you by now.

You say you look at her to see if she is giving you eye contact - that sounds really creepy. I used to know someone who did something similar. Just leave the poor girl alone.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 16/10/2015 00:05

I think you are staring at her and making her feel either uncomfortable, or threatened.

Perhaps approaching her when she's in a safe and public place, and say 'I think I might be giving off the wrong vibes and making you feel uncomfortable - I just wanted to say I didn't set out to do that and I'm really sorry etc' and then reassure her that you don't pose a threat to her and hope that explaining that will alleviate her concerns...

Or stop staring and break this horrible stand off you've ended up creating.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 16/10/2015 05:37

Wel the very fact the op addressed us as 'girls' highlights part of the issue Might be the way he views/regards women.

As does the fact he admitted staring at her/watching her.

As does the fact he knows when and how she is looking at another man and feels she is being rude that she doesn't give him the same attention.

As does the fact he's memorised all her behaviours on specific occasions.

I think the advice to approach her is dreadful. If she is interested and very shy, she might relax a bit if left alone and didn't feel under someone's constant watchful gaze. If she is 'creeped out' it could really worry her and result in a trip to HR. Which wouldn't help the op.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 16/10/2015 05:41

Op, give her some space. If she is interested she might relax. Just don't do anything that could get you into trouble at work.

lorelei9 · 16/10/2015 12:21

Thisis - totally agree, it would be awful to approach her. if she's already creeped out, saying "have I done something wrong?" will make it worse.

I also noticed the use of the term "girls".

reni2 · 16/10/2015 12:28

I worked with someone like you, and I had noticed the situation early on, it was painfully creepy.

Many years, a few jobs, a marriage and kids later I am still freaked out just thinking about it, it became super-awkward trying to NOT look like I'm interested and having every look/ nonlook/ fiddle with clothing/ freeze interpreted as shy interest. So yes, as you said in your OP, back away.

reni2 · 16/10/2015 12:48

And do not ask her if you have done anything, you have and you know it, that's why she's freaked out. The unrelenting stares of a colleague drooling over her are alarming enough without having that guy challenging her response to the ogling.

mum2mum99 · 16/10/2015 15:17

Starring makes you seem like a perv! Stop! And please stop paying attention to what other think about yourself. Be your own self (without the starring)

morerain4me · 19/10/2015 23:41

This could have been written for me (sure its not!) - I acted in the passed this way to someone that I used to like. My problem was did they like me or were they stalking me (considered a hate crime?!) or taking the piss out of me, as that is what it began to feel like. I later found out they were married with 2 children then also saw them with a baby - enough said! This I now assume was some sort of stalking/piss taking.

themostinterestinglife · 20/10/2015 10:06

This describes my behavior around a man I really like. I do it because I'm nervous and scared about how much I like him. And because I know he has a girlfriend and I don't want to fall even more for a man who flirts with other women when he has a partner already.

Scremersford · 20/10/2015 12:12

OP why haven't you learned that staring at people is wrong?

You need to develop better social skills.

VocationalGoat · 20/10/2015 12:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doje · 20/10/2015 12:27

Sounds to me like she knows you have feelings for her and she doesn't want to encourage you or give you the wrong idea. Sorry OP.

reni2 · 20/10/2015 12:39

I had a stalker once, this was exactly how it started. Anything I did was seen as interest, anything I didn't do was seen as interest. He challenged me eventually asking why I was rude. How dare you call her rude. If she slams a door in your face she is rude. Not looking at a creep is self defence, not rudeness.

He pointed out (like you do) I was looking at xyz without problems for longer than I ever looked at him. He told me he noticed how I avoid eye contact when passing and how I walked the long way to prevent any passing at all.

It went on much longer and got really terrifying, but the start was exactly like this, by the time he really stalked me he had managed to convince himself I was interested but in denial about it. I felt violated even at an early stage because he believed he was entitled to equal attention to people I liked and because in his head I did not know what I want whereas he had an inkling there's more...

I'm not saying this is you, but stalkers can start just like this and she presumably knows this. Back off.

ChilliAndMint · 20/10/2015 12:55

I think she has an almighty big crush on you OP.

I could be completely wrong though.

Instead of staring at her, why not give her a friendly smile when she catches your eye?

NotQuiteSoOnEdge · 20/10/2015 12:57

She's not being rude.

She doesn't owe you anything.

You are not entitled to her eye contact, or her smile, or her proximity.

It doesn't matter how interested in her you are, how creepy and obvious you make your staring, or how much time you give her inside your head, these are all your choices. It doesn't make her owe you a thing.

If she chooses to spend all day smiling, chatting to relaxedly and making eye contact with the other guy, she is allowed to. She does not have to do the same for you.

She is allowed to avoid you if she chooses.

If I were her, I'd already be at HR saying how uncomfortable you were making me.

Stop being a creep.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 20/10/2015 13:03

Stop staring at her! Id be creeped out if someone was looking at me every time we walked towards each other. It's not very British. You should look at your feet and at the very last minute flick your eyes up, mutter hi, and keep going.

reni2 · 20/10/2015 13:03

NotQuiteSoOnEdge managed to say it much more clearly. That is all there is to it.

themostinterestinglife · 20/10/2015 13:07

I'm with ChilliAndMint. I'm behaving like this because I have a massive crush on the guy. Reporting him for making me uncomfortable would be a total overreaction. It could be argued that my behavior is also inappropriate as sometimes I will be coming across as impolite and rude. It's because I am scared of liking him and falling for him was a totally unexpected thing to happen and I am trying to work out what to do about it.

lunar1 · 20/10/2015 13:14

Maybe the other guy doesn't creep her out!

Scremersford · 20/10/2015 13:19

I now sometimes call men out if they do the weirdo staring thing. It happened last night, walking from my car to the supermarket. Some old goat stared and stared at me as I walked past and when I glanced at him, made some sort of odd clicking noise. I said "stop fukcing staring at me you fukcing weirdo". The previous time was when I parked my car in a busy car park and the young guy sitting in his car next to me stared at me unblinkingly while I moved things around in my car boot and changed my shoes for a good 10 minutes. Exasperated, I told him to roll down his window, explained that not only was his staring rude and intrusive, it made me suspect that he was a potential rapist. He was most apologetic, but seriously, what kind of man stares at a woman like that?

I certainly wouldn't want to put up with staring in a work setting, although I'd feel more constrained in being able to say what I really feel, which is to tell the creep to fukc off.

How anyone could mistake the obsessive, invasive OP as anything other than creepy, I don't know. The comments about how he has observed this poor woman's interaction with another employee and his strange idea that he is entitled to eye contact from her is hardly the stuff romantic fairy tales are made of. More like nightmares.

If he must do, the OP could ask the other male employee why he thinks she is avoiding looking at him. That would be preferable to stalking this poor woman.

KitZacJak · 20/10/2015 13:51

Either:

A, she fancies you and is shy.

B, she thinks you are strange because you stare at her so much so tries to avoid you.

C, she doesn't really register you are there because she doesn't know you very well.

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