Getting fed up with DB and SIL, don't know what to do

[GourmetGold]

I spent quite a bit of time knitting a jumper for my nephew's birthday. I posted it (we live the other side of the country from them) 'signed for' and I know they received it after checking the tracking number.

This was 2 days ago and I've still not heard from them, not even a text to say thanks.

I guess I wouldn't be so hacked off if it was a first, but it's not! I usually end up texting days later asking if the present was okay.

One year my gifts for 2 of their birthdays (sent first class recorded) were delivered exactly 10 days late...because Royal Mail in their area was having big problems...DB even told me this was the case & not to worry..all their post was late. A few months later it was my birthday. They apparently "forgot" to post my present...they eventually posted it... exactly 10 days after my birthday!!

We're not really close, but have never fallen out. Due to living quite far away, we don't see each other much. They just don't seem that bothered about being in touch and I'm not sure I can be bothered anymore!!

I've sent expensive 21st birthday presents before, and never got an acknowledge, until several months later when we saw them in person. I wasn't best pleased.

I know a lot of people don't do thank-you letters nowadays, but a telephone call or email isn't too difficult.

I do think it's rude not to acknowledge a gift.

However, it's been two days. Maybe they are going to get your nephew to write a thank you card, or haven't got around to phoning you. Or busy with parties etc. I think you should wait a few more days.

Thanks Rivercam. That's terrible, no excuse for 21 year olds not to able to say "Thank you"!

Seems such a shame if people don't appreciate the effort someone has put into a gift.

You are right, I need to give them more time, I guess I just think how I do things and would always send just a quick text at least, if I was too busy to phone or email for a while.

I sent my 21 year old nephew money in his card for his birthday. He never thanked me. I called him a week later to make sure he had received it and he said he hadn't bothered to open the envelope. Git.
Last card he ever got from me.

!! Sorry, I'd have loved an aunt who was so thoughtful, he doesn't deserve you Roisin!!

Has the birthday happened yet, if you see what i mean? Maybe they're waiting for him to open his presents before sending thanks. Maybe they're getting him to write a note?

I think give them a bit more time. About a month really!! People lead such busy lives these days but I'm sure they were delighted with gift received and it coming from you.

A thank you card written by your nephew may take a week or two. If you don't get them then maybe don't bother in future unless you want to for the child (not their fault if the parents don't respond on their behalf). Maybe have a chat with your brother to see if it arrived though as I would feel it was my DH's job to communicate over DCs gifts from his family, and I 'do' my family. I guess not everyone places the same emphasis on birthdays or appreciates lovely hand-knitted jumpers- if they don't then I would save your effort for people who do

Really, you're hacked off because you haven't received a thank you 2 days after the gift was sent ?

Honestly I rarely get thank yous out within the month, but I do send them.

Good to know that there's someone like you silently seething and keeping score.

In future if it troubles you so much I wouldn't bother sending presents, that way you won't have the chance to inadvertently slight you and you won't get upset.

Yes the birthday was a few days ago. I'm not expecting a handwritten thank you note! Just a text is fine.
I really like my nephew, so wanted to knit the jumper, but he does get a lot of knits from another relative, so it might not be as appreciated as I'd hoped!

Sorry I probably sounded a little harsh before. It's nice that you knitted a jumper. perhaps you could email in a few days to make sure they received it ( I know you know they did but still) and see if you could get a photo of your nephew in his new jumper when they get a chance.

Sometimes people need prompting - particularly if you want your gift acknowledged in a certain time frame or way.

Given their non thank you card/text/email history, why are you still expecting them to. If not getting a thank you card/text/email bothers you so much, don't send a present. Quietly seething is pointless as it can not evoke the change that you want.

It's particularly galling not to get a thank you of some kind when you've knit a jumper - it's a lot of work (btw do post a photo of the jumper here if you have one so we can admire it!). I quite often have to chase to make sure the present has even arrived and friends rarely appreciate the hand knit gift as much as I would (some do, I have had the 'oh my god THIS IS SO AMAZING' reaction on occasion). I think the lesson of that is either only knit for people who really will appreciate it or only do it because you want to. You wanted to knit your nephew a jumper and now you have - that's good. I do normally follow up with a photo request because I put my projects on Ravelry - of course I always offer to pixelate the child's face or crop it off entirely, Ravellers want to see the garment on a person, they have very little interest in the person :)

People genuinely don't know how much work handmade stuff is. And yes, given their history they are exceptionally unlikely ever to be gracious or appreciative. I would stick to book tokens and low expectations.

By the way, Woolly Hugs is always properly grateful for stuff and are currently running a campaign for refugees if you wanted to pitch in.

Wow, it's only been a couple of days, give them a chance!

I think if you aren't close and they have form for this I would stop making such an effort.

If he's a child, children don't get excited about clothes as presents. And if he's a young adult/teenager a hand knit possibly wouldn't be his thing.

I also think the ten days thing was a co-incidence and to think otherwise is a little bit paranoid!

Did you call him on his birthday? You could have wished him happy birthday and asked if he got his present?
Or give him a call to ask if he had a good birthday and if he liked his present.

It was drilled into us from a very early age to send thank you cards. I admit it was a dreaded task and as a child felt like such a chore (because people are incredibly generous to kids we had so many to write!!). I still write them now and will do for/with the children too. It's a really lovely gesture. I'll only do them for people I don't see in person to thank verbally though these days. We had to do them for every one as children even if we had seen them and said thank you!

CrfumbledFeta - well you sound delightful. I am probably old fashioned but i would expect a thank you for the thought, time and money spent on a present. I don't think I'd bother a second time with you tho!

OP - I send a card and money for my neice's 21st; I know she got it as DMum phoned to tell me my other niece and nephew (birthdays the following day from DNiece1) didn't get any money in their cards...(not their 21st).

I'm kind of with crumbledfeta.

I genuinely appreciate it when people give DS presents, but ugh it's such a pain getting him to write the thank you notes and I think it's kind of ironic these days that a card and a stamp probably cost at least £1 but yet you're sending them off for £10 gifts - kind of defeats the purpose of giving a gift.

Then there's all the nonsense about how thank yous should be given. Some people think it's crass to email/text/phone or FB thanks, only a written testament will do.

I sent a thank you email with pictures from DS's party to those who attended a couple of years ago, but this apparently was not good enough.

I like to get acknowledgement that the person has received the gift when I give something, but I don't have a deadline for the timeframe and I don't care what medium the thank you comes in.

Also dare I say it the receiver's level of thank you should not be dependant on the effort that the giver put into making the gift. The OP chose to knit a garment, yes a lot of effort for her, but presumably something she gets pleasure from - she may or may not know if SIL like dressing child in knitted clothes and SIL may have been happier if the £xx spent on yarn and postage could have been sent as an Amazon voucher instead.

In this case a little prompt like ringing up to see if the jumper fits, should elicit the appropriate response.

Tribpot I am on Ravelry . I learnt to knit about 18 months ago and this is my first completed jumper & I'm quite proud of it...so I'll definately be posting a picture (I've not posted any projects yet..quite a few hats waiting to be put on!). Thanks for the refugee charity info, that looks a good idea.

He is only 3, so not expecting phone call. Luckily now I have had a response, which is good! He really likes it.
Now feeling a bit bad for moaning on here. I wanted to knit something because I really love knitting and it was good practice.

I think it is just me getting annoyed because I would like to be closer, I have always wanted to closer to my brother and he doesn't seem to want to be.

I've always felt ignored by him (I think he's a bit ashamed of me because the first time I met SIL she didn't know who I was...he hadn't told her he had a sister, they had been together 6 months) even when I used to live nearby.

They don't ask after us, whereas I am genuinely interested in them and get in touch and sending things to help when they are ill etc. It is my problem, I can't make them like me, I just need to expect less!

Thanks for everyones advice.