We have a baby on the way, I don't want this to ruin things but...

[JennyC520]

Trying to make this short and to the point:

1. I’ve told my fiancé from the start that I’ve cheated before, but he’s never mentioned that he has.
2. Whenever he goes out with friends, he’s always reassured me that ‘hes never cheated and he’s not about to start’.
3. we talked about past relationships in conversation today and he said he’s cheated twice in previous relationships. He insists that he’s told me before but I’m 100% certain it’s the 1st time ive heard this information. I mean, Cheating is not the kind of information you forget about your SO + refer to point 2.
4. I told him that he’s always said hes never cheated and isn’t about to start. He said he’s never said that to me before.
5. One of the people he cheated on was his ex-wife (before they were married) and he never told her about it. He said he was drunk and horny and not happy in the relationship, but he married her anyway?

Anyway, I’m not upset because he’s cheated before, I have too, and it’s in the past so it doesn’t matter, I can get over it. We’ve all been there. I’m more shocked and upset because a)he didn’t tell me till now, even though he insists he did. b)he’s always told me he’s never cheated and not about to start, which is obviously a lie, which he denies ever saying to me. Now I feel Ive lost trust in him. C) he never told his ex-wife that he cheated, said he was unhappy that’s why he cheated yet he married her anyway.

I believe 100% that he has never cheated on me. But now I doubt things he’s ever said to me now. We’re engaged and our baby is due soon so I don’t want this to come between us. I’ll get over the past cheating but I just feel like I’ve been lied to, there’s pain in my heart now. I know he hasn’t cheated on me… but in my mind, he’s lied. I don’t know how I’ll ever trust him like I did before.
Does anyone get where I’m coming from? I’m trying to be normal with him but my heart just aches every time I think about him or talk to him etc. I feel insecure now, especially with a baby coming.

I'm not even sure what I'm looking for by posting on here. Guess I just wanted to vent..

Massive, massive overthinking which will ruin what you have. You're mentally dragging him over the coals for something that happened before he met you. Deep breath and focus on the baby.

Why does he reassure you he's not going to cheat before he goes out? Is it something you bring up a lot in conversation?

I'm not annoyed at him for having cheated in the past, Ive done the same too so I can't judge or have any opinion on that. I was upset that he lied to me saying that he hadn't cheated before, the lying part is the part that hurts.

He always reassures me cos we both kinda do the same thing, we both like to tell each other nothings going to happen etc.

But anyway we've talked through this, and I realise he is more important to me than his past, than him unintentionally/unknowingly lying. His actions throughout our relationship has shown that I can trust him, that he loves me and he'd never hurt me like that. So I guess I did over think it too much. I tend to be a worrier...especially now with the baby. But I think things are good between us now.

It's really not usual to go for a night out and tell your partner you won't be cheating tonight .

It seems you spend a lot of time thinking about the subject. Do you have anxiety issues or similar? Honestly, this isn't quite right. It sounds as if the subject has been raised over and over and perhaps he's told you whatever satisfies you quickest. Ok, lying isn't good but more importantly, there are trust issues here which you should be considering.

Good luck with your new baby.

It's really not usual to go for a night out and tell your partner you won't be cheating tonight.

This^^

Why so much discussion of cheating? I've never told my husband I won't be cheating on him, and neither has he told me - it should be a given that doesn't even need to be said, it's all very strange

Something is absolutely wrong if you're both reassuring each other before you go out. I'd say it's the unconscious making itself clearly known.

I have never reassured dh that I won't cheat and tbh if he was telling me how he wouldn't cheat on while out I would be thinking 'wtf?'

This does sound like a relationship littered with insecurity.

I don't think I have ever even thought to ask DH if he has cheated in a previous relationship, and he has no idea if I have, because he's never asked me! I don't know why it would come up, especially so often, and so long into a relationship.
If you told him you cheated, why would he lie if he has done the same thing? He can't have been afraid of what you would say, as you have done the same thing. I might be pursuing why he decided to marry his x wife if he was unhappy enough to cheat, when he is about to marry you!

I get where you're coming from. He said he has never cheated and would never cheat - then it turns out he has cheated, twice, and insists he told you. But he didn't. He cheated on his ex 'because he was unhappy' (and horny ) then went on to marry her!

Bloody hell, op, I don't think you're overthinking this AT ALL.