Need help please

[LadyLu87]

Hi all.

Feel a bit daft posting this. But I really need some support. So I'll list issues one at a time and try and keep it concise.

I have a court date for repossession of my council property as I am behind on rent. Mental health issues mean I am incredibly bad at things like paying bills and such. My mum, now passed, used to hide from debt collectors. That was my only lead in terms of responsibilities. She committed suicide age 29, when I was 13. I am now 28.

Got another letter, court date for council tax, funnily enough on the date of my mum's death.

Got another letter my neighbour (who was caught out before making false claims I left my dogs alone for two days, he constantly makes complaints for anything I do) because I have no money to remove my old cooker and door out the back,and saying I leave my dogs alone for hours on end and they bark the whole time. Not true. I spend a fair bit of time at my other neighbours directly above me, they don't make a peep and he never hears them either. I also don't leave them for hours on end. Now the council are calling out the rspca.

Got a letter today about my smear test. I have abnormal cells.

Also severe addiction to painkillers. Only things that keep me calm.

I'm really not coping. Nan mum and best friend are dead. Not much support really. Don't know where to start?

It's all such a mess. Like mother like daughter. She was addicted to drink and ended up dead. I can see why. I just can't do it. My brother is so normal I don't understand? Then again I shielded him from a lot of it, the domestic violence from my step dad etc.

Help? I need to get a job, get off painkillers, sort out finances, I don't know. So much but what do I prioritise when it is all urgent?

Everything is being attacked. My home, my dogs, my finances, My health. How much can a person take? Why haven't I got it together I'm nearly 30?!

My neighbour above me said I can stay with him with the smaller dog as she's good with people but I would have to re home the big one (I need to anyway to be honest) as he is very hard to manage. If I give up my flat (I may lose it any way) we could stay there and I can save up, pay off my debts, and start again in the future. Seems to me to be wise although halt ground borrowing a couch. Would you suggest that? I could sell my possessions and keep the necessities, and stay on a sofa bed, pay the gas and electric and food. Save etc. Start fresh when I am able to do so.

Shaky ground*

I don't have any answers or advice, but sending you lots of hugs and strength.

You have a lot on your plate right now. Coming from all directions as you say.

Thank you. I honestly don't know whether to laugh cry or kill someone. Alternate between rage tears and thinking its rather amusing. Except of course it isn't. Not at all!

Feels like lodging with my neighbour would be respite. No sky, tv license, council tax etc. Just what I already owe along with gas electric and food. The thought makes me sigh with relief and then cry because I would have to re home my baby and lose my home. It's my home. But I can't cope

First of all I'd call the number back regarding the smear, and also make an appointment at the gp to discuss painkillers and tell them you need support for that and your MH issues.

lodging with your neighbour sounds ok, you need to put a time limit on it so say three months - and visit citizens advice for help with debt plans and bills.

How will you save for another place though? You can't sofa surf forever.

Ps: you sound like you have done ok under the circumstances, I'm sorry for your losses.

I would see your priority now as your health. Why is the big dog unmanageable? And if by your own admission it is, could the person complaining about your dogs have a point?

You've dealt with a lot in your life and my heart goes out to you. But you need to try not to dwell on the past as it will only create a self fulfilling prophecy. Your mum had problems and you have suffered. It does not mean that you are doomed or that the present can't be swapped for a better future.

I think you are jumping the gun a bit. Lodging with the neighbour could leave you in a very vulnerable position and it might be very hard to get 're housed. Your not necessarily going to be repossessed. If you can come up with a offer of repayment you'll probably be ok. I would contact citizens advice urgently , they'll help you and come with you to court. If your not working you should be getting full housing benefit and could apply for discretionary housing payments to help with arrears.

If the council tax letter is for a liability order it's not terribly serious, there is no hearing and it's done on mass. Again if you are not working you should be getting help with this. I've had terrible debt problems and once you get some help it will be a real weight off.

Put the Cooker and Door on Gumtree "Free to anyone who will uplift". Chances are they will be gone by the end of the day.

Clean up your house and garden (lift all dog poo) before he RSPCA visit. They will be checking to see if your dogs are neglected. They will also expect to see a clean home environment for them.

Regards your debt, you sound eligible for an IVA (England) or a Trust Deed (Scotland). I know w few people who have done this. Basically you get a company to work on your behalf (it's free) and they contact all your debtors and make an arrangement for you to pay back what you can realistically afford every month, for 3 years. After that the rest of the debt is wiped off.

www.iva.org/?gclid=CMHH05GzxMgCFUK7Gwod5mEEyA

I would also ask your Brother for help.

Hi LadyLu

We're really sorry you're going through such a tough time at the moment.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We think it might be a good idea if we move your thread over to our Mental Health topic - would that be okay with you?

Sorry for hijacking your thread, and we really hope things start to look up for you soon.

1. Make a GP appointment. Get those abnormal cells looked at. You cannot leave this!
2. Call the council and advise them you are experiencing financial difficulty and offer to make a token payment. Even if it's £5.
3. Get down the job centre and make sure you are getting any benefits you are entitled to and for help with employment/courses.
4. Draft a CV - xmas roles will be available really soon if not already. Go down to your local high street and hand them into the shops.
5. Stick the unwanted items on gumtree like an above poster mentioned - they will be gone in no time!
6. Do not give up your flat - you will be making yourself voluntary homeless and the council will not re-home you in a hurry.
7. Throw the pills down the toilet.
8. Get an early night and wake up tomorrow and tell yourself you will beat this shit!!
9. You are not your mother.

Keep posting. x

Yes feel free to move it I didn't know there was a mental health section. Thank you.

I can't call to sort out colposcopy until phone bill is paid as I have been cut off I can only connect to my WiFi but I will use phone box tomorrow.

Yes I went to housing today and she said the council tax hearing isn't serious as long as I make payments once they are set. If I do not it will go to enforcement but she said I'm a long way off from that.

The big dog is unmanageable for me because he has behavioural issues which mean he is incredibly hard to manage and although I CAN cope, it would be better for him to be somewhere where he can have a really good life,not just 'coping'. He can't be around strangers so I can't do anything with him as he jumps and jumps and barks and he doesn't calm down. There is no dog mess anywhere however. The neighbour I would hold my hands up and say he had a point IF he did, however he doesn't. My upstairs neighbour doesn't work and he never hears the dog's, and if I'm ever out its usually to his upstairs for company and I never hear them either, plus I'm simply not away from them for hours on end as I don't work. This man is known for this I had to threaten him with the police once as he would mention hearing me have sex and constantly come round and complain day in day out telling me things such as 'I heard you out a plug in the socket at 3am' he had me a nervous wreck. Although I appreciate why you would think that. But I don't have visitors precisely because he barks and causes nuisance.

Today I tackled the housing and council tax benefit.

Tomorrow the colposcopy and benefits.

Then I need to make payment to council tax and housing benefit, and attend court.

Find a job.

Oh I need to remove the old cooker and door and call the council with regard to the complaint. Dogs are totally healthy by the way so I anticipate no issues there. Fully vaccinated and flead etc etc. Fed well.

Sort my flat out once I'm on track as some rooms still need refreshing in terms of decorating.

Does this sound about right in terms of priority?

How can my brother help? Sorry to se stupid but I never ask for help and he has no money. I find it embarrassing.

Thanks all for the advice and kind words. All a bit of a mess. Thanks mnhq and don't worry I'm not topping myself at this point haha. An easy option yes. But I can't help but feel I have something to live for x

As for the tablets they cause severe withdrawals and have me out of action for a week and then after those pass all the previously numb feelings return and I become crippled with grief. I need a good month put aside for that so that will have to wait. Because like I say there's no way I can claw my way to normality whilst being first physically ill and in bed and then becoming mentally ill for a good while. I need to keep going so for now its not an option. I do prioritise it however

How about if you asked your brother for help with sorting out the debt. Not paying it but helping you stay in control.