Pandora's Box and my finger is on the latch

[eternallflame]

I am a man in my early 40s. I post here from time to time as part of what I hope is a healing process from depression and because I enjoy the interaction. A female MN poster recently wrote about having feelings for her male therapist. Amongst the many replies was mine admitting to the same feelings for my female one. I have had a further conversation with the person in question. A reasonably forthright question was asked and I turned the colour of beetroot. I am afraid of rejection by women because I was single for an eternity and this is what we have talked about among other stuff. I don't feel I am complete without the validation of a woman finding me attractive. I will need to approach this question properly in the next session however for now I just feel like I am handling an emotional time bomb. Please help me with your thoughts as I am a terrible mess at the moment. If you are sick of men posting here on a woman's site by all means delete this and my profile. Please feel free to PM me the person with the similar dilemma if you wish.

Why do you feel that you are incomplete without the validation of a woman finding you attractive?

Sometimes when we feel starved of affection and attention we become emotionally attached to anyone who shows us consideration and kindness.

We are all afraid of rejection.

I hope this might be of some help to you.
www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-therapy/201206/clients-guide-transference

Tell your therapist. It's perfectly normal and very common - transference. A good therapist will work through this with you. No therapist who isn't a charlatan will act out transference. It would be unethical, stupid and possibly illegal.

Why not just say what's happening next time? Remember that your therapist is not rejecting you, just working on your stuff.

Yes I need to say something. I don't feel complete without validation from a woman as I had assumed before I was unattractive when my biggest problem was and is I just cannot tell a woman I find her attractive. I would feel like a sleazeball and be terrified of that person's negative judgement of me.

In the kindest possible way, stop worrying, we all do it and no one wants to be rejected. If your therapist is a worthy one they will know it is just part of your healing process.

People often forget that at the bottom of Pandora's box was hope but you have to let all the bad things out first to find it.

Annie that is true. I had forgotten that. Behind the veneer of confidence and swagger that many men feel society demands of them there is more often than not a frightened and insecure creature who is lonely and desperate for love and approval. We men have lost our way and if as I hope the collective destiny of women is to become equals of men in the workplace and in leading the world of tomorrow that you will make a better fist of it than we did as so many bad and unnecessary things have been perpetrated everywhere.

...I will need to approach this question properly in the next session...

Yes - I think you will. You seem to beat yourself up eternal by going over and over things in your head when you can't do anything about them at this precise moment. Is there any merit for you in 'parking' some of your thoughts for discussion at the next session and relaxing for a day or two?

What is your relationship like with her? Perhaps she needs you to say this in order that she can treat you properly? I cannot see that it would be a problem anyway