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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Giving up a FWB

12 replies

Reese123 · 14/10/2015 18:53

I was dating someone who was in a FWB relationship. It has since come to light that he was still sleeping with her whilst seeing me. We went out for 2 months and I slept with him after 1 month.

So although we weren't going out for long he cheated on me really early on in the relationship and lied continuously when I found out.

My question is could I have done anything to stop this from happening? I would have understood if he ended it with me if we weren't sexually compatible, but he didn't.

For those who have been in FWB situation is it hard to let that person go? Maybe he has deeper feelings for her, although she is sleeping with other people and it doesn't seem to bother him.

OP posts:

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 14/10/2015 18:55

This is nothing to do with a general FWB situation, and everything to do with the fact that the guy you were dating thought it was fine to sleep with more than one person at once, without telling you that was what he was doing.

nameschanger · 14/10/2015 18:56

Are you looking to make excuses for his behaviour here? Because that's how it reads.

No, you definitely couldn't stop this from happening. It's 100% his choice and decision to continue to have sex with a friend whilst he was developing a relationship with you.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 14/10/2015 19:16

Sorry to hear this. No, it's nothing to do with a fwb set up and everything to do with him being an arse.

Well done for getting out of it. Did you dump him?

And no, there's nothing you could have done.

I stopped having sex with my fwb as soon as I met a man I wanted to go out with. I wouldn't have even considered sleeping with my friend once I met someone i wanted to date, even before we had sex.

Original poster

Reese123 · 14/10/2015 20:25

Yes I dumped him - I just don't know if there is anything I could have done to stop this.

Right now I'm just fed up of going out with guys that end up being arses - and am starting to wonder if it's me that attracts these type of guys

OP posts:

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 14/10/2015 20:52

Good for you for dumping him!

Seriously, there isn't anything you could have done. Really.

I know what you mean though. I don't know how old you are, but it seems to me that as a I have reached an age where I'm willing to take absolutely no shit or arsiness, the only men available/interested are grade A tossers.

QforCucumber · 14/10/2015 20:57

Nothing you could have done at all - his attitude stinks. I had a fwb wgich was on and off for about 4 years if either of us ever met someone, even just a date, the deal was off. Always knew if it had gone wrong or not with a text a few months later from either one of us. Been with current dp 5 years, saw old fwb the other day and he is settled down too. Respect for each other and the people you're dating is what matters.

OutToGetYou · 14/10/2015 22:32

'No sex before monogomy' - (c) The Millionaire Matchmaker!

You tell them. No sex until we're exclusive. Then, when you get to that stage, you tell them you want them to confirm they are not seeing anyone else.

Original poster

Reese123 · 15/10/2015 08:46

I'm not sure it would have made any difference if I asked if we were exclusive as he lied a lot.

Yes I did dump him.

I just wonder whether he did this just to me???

OP posts:

MissApple · 15/10/2015 20:42

Friends with benefits cant be cheated on - thats why it is 'friends' with 'benefits'

Anitadobson · 15/10/2015 20:57

He is just a lying arse. Pure and simple.

There are a lot like him out there and a lot of decent ones. You were honest in what you wanted and he lied. i don't think it's a case of you attracting the wrong men it's probably just bad luck.

OutToGetYou · 15/10/2015 22:43

If he's a liar, he's a liar. So it's less about you making sure he has exited a FWB thing and a lot about him being a lying arse.

You don't need to avoid men who have had FWB relationships or wonder if he only did it to you. More you have to avoid dating liars and fuckwits.

When you work out how, let me know.

Isetan · 16/10/2015 08:44

Why do you think there's a possibility it was within your power to stop the deceitful behaviour of another adult? It really is quite simple, he didn't tell you because he wanted to sleep with you and if you knew about his ongoing 'benefits', you wouldn't have. Don't waste anymore headspace on this prick.

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