Am I paranoid? Please Help.

[ConfusedLlama]

So I posted a couple of days ago about finding out DP was seeing someone else. Previous thread linked:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2483337-Feeling-relieved-Told-ex-DP-where-to-go?

I have had enough of him, he doesn't seem to get that he's been caught and should stop lying now. Except now he's going further saying that I'm losing it, I'm paranoid and worse one that I've been smoking too much. I'd like to make it clear here that I smoke cigarettes but thats it, the only reason he has for saying this was that when I was with some friends a couple of months ago I had a few puffs and that was all. Not touched it since. I have a history of depression and anxiety but this has been under control and fine for well over a year. He did not try and prove me wrong, or prove I had nothing to worry about. In fact the opposite he's been very accusatory and seems to defer everything as something wrong with me.

I know in my heart of hearts that this is the oldest trick in the book but now my head keeps spinning round. What if I am getting sick again? What if he keeps pushing the subject and everyone else start believing him?

I thin i'm going to need a lot more hand holding than I originally thought.

I read the first few lines of your original post and then gave up, whey are you even talking about him now?

Please stop caring about what he thinks or says, trust yourself, that's your best friend, he is no friend of yours.

Stop engaging with him please.
He's a cock and knows exactly what to do to get to you.
Don't let him and don't dwell on anything he says.
You owe him nothing.
Cut him out right now and get yourself back!

ConfusedLlama this is classic Cassandra Syndrome. Your gut instinct is correct, he is using emotional bullying tactics to defer the blame. Please don't start doubting your mental health again. Do you think it might have been his behaviour that caused your difficulties previously? A few puffs of cannabis will not cause paranoia. stay strong (((hugs)))

thank you to all that replied. I simply want what is best for my DD right now, she's been through so much already. He's changed so much in the year and a half since we split but I never thought he would use my past against me. I had pretty severe PND when I had my daughter and struggled with my weight after that, damn anti depressants.

cheapskate I don't know if it was him or myself previously, I became a lot happier when I started working again, which he was originally didn't want me to do. Our relationship became so much better after that as I was more confident. Then out of the blue he said he no longer loved me and we split. I shamefully did the pick me dance and we got back together only for me to find out he was seeing this OW. I contacted her to let her know that I had no idea he was still seeing her and that I felt that she should be informed. I heard nothing back, I didn't expect her too. I felt guilty Id done that to her, ironically. we got back together had some ups and downs but were working through them. then came the news from my friend. I'm not proud of it but I did in the heat of the moment say some pretty nasty things to him.

And now this. I manage to hold down a job, look after myself and DD with no problem so I don't think I'm mentally ill. It's just been a bit of a rollercoaster emotionally, I can't help dwelling on what he said, second guessing myself. I don't drink apart from socially and really that one time was exactly that, a one off.

I think he has made himself dispensable in the relationship: you say you manage to hold down a job and look after yourself and DD no problem. The problems start when he comes into the equation. I doubt everyone else will believe him over you, but even if some do, you can manage without them too. Then all the energy you're wasting worrying over this EA philanderer can be spent making lovely new supportive friendships.

He's done a job on you hasn't he? You're second guessing everything, worrying yourself to pieces about what he's said and quite frankly, attaching far too much importance to anything he says or does. Why? Why are you conforming to his expectations and not your own? Indeed, why are you even giving him the time of day?

If I were you I'd laugh at him and his idiotic announcements, pathetic behaviour and call time on this relationship completely. He can only hurt you if you care about him you know. And if you do care about him then you need to look in depth to your own motivation. Do you see yourself as a victim? If you do, then you need to get some power back and use it.

I think you need some counselling as to why you believe this cheating lying man. You know he is gaslighting you too, yet you still doubt yourself. He most certainly has done a number on you. Stop talking to him, his opinion is of no value to you. Him trying to paint you as mentally ill is the lowest of the low.