Has anybody lived happily ever after after having doubts?

[Lotsofponies]

Has anybody in a long term relationship, particularly if they have had a down/rough spell ever doubted their love? If so have have you managed to work through it? Or is it the beginning of the end.

I have had a wonderful 19 year relationship, never a worry or doubt, however the last 2/3 years were so hectic we seemed to loose each other. Long story short my partner ended up getting drunk at a wedding and snogging and groping another (much younger) woman (14 Sept 2014, D Day was 1st Nov). Amongst many other things he wondered if doing 'tha't meant he didn't 'love me enough'. When we were trying to work things out and I was having epic meltdowns he wondered if he had enough love and strength to help me get through it.

The last 6 month things have improved, he says he loves me and his doubts are long gone, but I just have a niggling feeling he is trying to fake it till he makes it. In the past (very distant past), if I have gone off someone I can't bear to be near them. Am I just being paranoid? Am I frightened to let go and believe we can be happy again? I will be logging out in a mo but will be back after school run. Would love to know your thoughts

My parents went through a really dark spell about 10 years ago. We had all left home and my mum was off trying to enjoy her new found freedom and she was frustrated and depressed that my dad wouldn't do anything with her. They didn't have any sort of physical relationship (I am aware I shouldn't know this!!) which extended to even hugs/hand holding and she said she couldn't live the rest of her life with a partner who wasn't a partner.

I don't know all of the details about how it got better, I know after a couple of miserable years, she packed her bags and moved out for a couple of weeks and they had long talks about whether they continued the marriage. I think this served as the shock my dad needed to realise how unhappy my mum was.

The upshot is that they're now happier than I've known them to be my entire life. They seem to have actual fun together and do hobbies and stuff. Mum still goes off travelling without him sometimes but I think that's her choice as much as his. It's really nice, we are all really happy for them - they seem to function as an actual team which I've not known with them before.

That said, I don't think either of them have ever had an affair, I don't think there were trust issues at all. I think they both had to get to rock bottom and then decide they wanted to continue together. They have both had to change aspects of their behaviour to accommodate the other. They still snipe at each other occasionally, but I guess no one is perfect. They've been married 45 years now...

Your comment about OH being drunk when he groped the younger woman interested me. Alcohol (which I don't disapprove of at all, don't get me wrong) acts as a disinhibitor. So the question I would be asking myself IIWY is does OH still have a suppressed desire to do the kind of thing he did and if so, why, bearing in mind he is with you? Once you can get to the root of that the future may become clearer to you, one way or the other, IMO.

Fredamayor - He said his desire was to feel wanted and attractive, he said at that time he believed I no longer desired him. He was flattered that a such a young attractive woman would want him. Weirdly he said the most exciting bit was the just before and the start of the snog. As it proceeded it became less exciting and felt wrong.

I don't know what to do. I swing from believing him and forgiving to blind rage, jealousy and distrust