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Relationships

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Original poster

Anyone had a big age gap?

19 replies

HelenaTee · 13/10/2015 20:11

I'm 38 and seeing a guy of 30 and while the relationship is new and really fantastic and enjoyable I find myself worrying a bit about the future.

While I would still like more children I am not sure that would be very easy and with him being childless I am maybe over-thinking.

Has anyone got any experience with this?

Probably the reason I am worrying a bit is that I'm falling in love and completely didn't see that coming. He's a very old soul and he doesn't feel younger than me at all

OP posts:

miaows · 13/10/2015 20:27

I am 40 and my partner of 5 months is 27. For me I just go with the flow. No one knows what the future holds so no use worrying about it. I have 3 children and have no intention of having anymore. I have made this very clear to him and he for now is adamant he wants no kids. I was with my exH for 20 years so this is all new to me too. For us right now it feels right so we are prepared to work at it.

TooSassy · 13/10/2015 20:33

Can I drink what you're both drinking please???

Have fun ladies. You're both unattached. You're consenting adults. Go for it I say!

Pheobe1 · 13/10/2015 20:45

I married dh when I was 36 and he was 26. I already had one dc. He said he wasn't bothered about having children but after much discussion I decided go ahead. If I'm honest a part of me was worried that years down the line he may have decided he did want dc and I would have been too old. So I had DS when I was 40.

We've been married 17 years now and every things great.

If it's right for you both it can work.

Hollyoaksfan · 13/10/2015 20:47

My dad is 60 and my step mum is 34. She has no children, he has 4. They've been together 15 years.

Original poster

HelenaTee · 13/10/2015 21:11

Maybe just go with the flow and keep an open mind then! I was so against the idea but it feels so normal

OP posts:

ApplySomePressure · 13/10/2015 21:18

H is 11 years older than me. I'm 29 and he's 40.

ajmc67 · 13/10/2015 21:51

I'm 47 and my partner of 6 and a half years is 25. I was previously married for 20 years like a previous poster. He says he does not want children, but who knows, he might change his mind at some point and disappear. There's no point worrying about it. We've already been together longer than a lot of marriages last. I say just go with the flow, live for the day and enjoy yourself.

stuckinahole · 13/10/2015 22:02

I'm 38 ..... OH is 62

magiccatlitter · 14/10/2015 07:00

Another big age gap here. 19 year age difference. I'm in my 50s and he's in his 30s. We've been married 10 years.

I thought this was going to be the person I spent the rest of my days with. It seemed so good.

I told him that from day one that I couldn't have anymore children without medical help and I said if he wanted one then we should do it while I was in my early 40s. He swore many many times that he had no interest in having children and he was adamant about that until about 6 months ago.

About a week before our wedding anniversary he tells me that he now wants children and proceeded to outline his 5 year plan that didn't seem to include me in it! I offered adoption or surrogate and he said I was too old.

Things got really ugly where he started criticising me calling me old and disgusting.

It was devastating to be blindsided like that and my confidence as a woman is in the toilet.

Now I'm not going to say not to go ahead with your relationship because it's your life to live but don't be surprised when he hits his mid 30s he changes his mind and dumps you off.

squidzin · 14/10/2015 08:05

magiccat, how awful .

15 year age gap here. Im the younger one we have a 10mo baby and planning for more. Works brilliantly we both enrich each others lives.

Age gaps were on recent thread, and it came up that sometimes power/control can be more of a factor in relationships with a big age gap.
So just take care that feelings are genuine, and it's not that someone is after a relationship where they have the upper hand iyswim.

Have fun!

EsmetheWitch · 14/10/2015 08:12

I am 36 and my DH is 29.

We have been together for 7 years and have 2 children. He was the one who wanted children, although everyone assumes that I pushed him into it.

He is an old fuddy duddy really and I'm an immature idiot so the age gap doesn't matter much.

The only thing that can be a bit annoying is that we don't always get each other's cultural references. But he is so pretty I'd forgive him anything

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 14/10/2015 08:20

In my last LTR my ex was 11 years older than me. Not going into detail but I would never, ever date someone that much older again. Great for the first few years when I was late-20s and she was late-30s but went downhill when she turned 40 and I foolishly stuck it out for some years. I have a female friend who has just had two disastrous relationships (a few months in each case) with guys who were 11 years younger than she is.

Conversely, I know a couple (she's just died, sadly) who were 92 and 72 and it worked brilliantly and they were devoted to each other.

In my experience of other friends with large age gaps, so I appreciate that this doesn't necessarily mean it's the norm, they've been longer-lasting and more successful where the man is the older partner, not, as in my case, where the female was the older partner.

penguinplease · 14/10/2015 08:40

I have a younger man too, he is nearly 30 and I am nearly 39. Against the odds of which there has been many we have just celebrated being together a year.
No one has a problem with the age gap except me, he's everything I could wish for and I think if you are happy then that is all you need.

ComeDownToMe · 14/10/2015 09:07

DP is nearly 20 years older than me and I can honestly say it has not been an issue. Having a similar outlook and interests in common are more important than what it says on your Birth Certificate.

Jeffreythegiraffe · 14/10/2015 09:42

Dh is 4 years younger than me, we are married with dc. I can't say I even notice a difference.

lemonade30 · 14/10/2015 10:06

I'm seven years older than my DF.
Can't say we really notice it.

My ExH was eleven years older and I didn't notice that either.

Perhaps when age gaps are large enough to necessitate partners being of different generations then the differences become apparent.
A decade or so isn't much to write home about in my opinion.

As for the OP I wouldn't give it a second thought. Even if you were a decade younger you wouldn't be guaranteed to conceive easily, he isn't guaranteed to want children.
Eight years is absolutely nothing between adults

CatThiefKeith · 14/10/2015 12:36

Dh is 30 and I am 42 in a few weeks. Can't say we really notice the age gap unless we are discussing kids TV, 80's films or 70's/80's music.

pizzaeatingmonkey · 14/10/2015 13:59

I'm 57 he's 37 we've been together for over 16 years.

peanutnutter · 14/10/2015 18:54

Me 47 and him 65 works for us. Together 25.5 years.

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