Why does my mum put a dampener on things?

[OiledBegg]

It's getting frustrating and upsetting.
It's only small things, but for example I've recently gone through a breakup and lost quite a bit of weight unintentionally and mum feels the need to say "yes you are smaller, your boobs have gone down and everything!" (I'm small chested as it is and self conscious about it) Then yesterday I was sent flowers to my work from another man I met recently, I was so happy and shocked as never receive things like that, I showed them to mum and said "well they aren't a proper bouquet or anything but still nice, probably cost about £15 odd quid"

Typing those out examples out it doesn't seem bad but in reality it feels like she's always trying to pop any type of little glimmer of happiness I have with a comment.

No shit HellKitty that was the point I was making, you've just reiterated it.

Yes indeed Attila

...My mother managed to find fault in the village war memorial for being too well kept...

Goodness.

I do think women who hold resentment in for whatever reason and become bitter over the years are almost self programmed to automatically react negatively as being nice is giving up ground and that's very hard for a universally bitter person to do.

I know Cosie, that floored even me.

You can put her in any situation whatsoever and it is as if she is earning points for every fault that she can find. I think that she is mad.

On the bright side, I do a mean impression of her.

On that visit to me when she slated the war memorial, she left the handbrake off her car and it drifted across the (farm) yard and knocked down the front wall of the cottage opposite.

I was crying with laughter inside as she had to go up to the landlord and confess. In fact, remembering her saying, sharply, 'I didn't park my car there', looking to criticise and then realising what she had done, plus having to ring Dad and explain all over again is one of my happy place.

Bad me.

Fishbones

My mum is similar OP. Like others described on here she is full of bitterness and envy. I no longer have contact with her. Once I realised that the only thing contact with her gave me was a reduction in my joy in various things, it was an easy decision.

Confronting her behaviour never worked for me. Either she would burst into tears, literally put her hands up as if to ward off punches from me and sob "I'm a bad mother!" or she would say "Have it your own way" and then make PA comments such as "Hmmm." "What mum, do you like it or not?" "Well I do have an opinion but I'm not allowed to say my opinion, am I, because you get eggy."

(Also, "Eggy"? This was slang for "angry" for about 5 minutes in 1986 but has persisted for 30 years in being used as code for "you are angry and I don't want you to feel your feelings, especially if it's my bullshit that made you feel them".)

Sounds like my mum too, she's bitter and angry at being unwell, and I get it taken out on me. She's jealous of everything I do and tries to tell me how to do it. She can suck the happiness out of anything.

Think you are all right - it's jealousy and lack of control. I guess I need to learn to just ignore and rise above it!