Finding the courage to leave

[Gingerpig50]

I've been hovering around
these postsfor a while feeling in
Awe of so many people brave enough to leave their husbands. I've wanted to do it for years but the pain I would cause to my child and my family and friends who think he is wonderful is hard to bare. We run a business together although he is the managing director and I am finance director. We have 45% each and 10% owned by one of his friends. Heis so rude to me and the way he dismisses me in front of others with his 'whatever' comment is so humiliating. I often find
porn sites left open on the family computer. Haven't had sex since Feb and it was several years before that. I just can't bear the way he speaks to me. Had a call from DD's gym club tonight saying the she had hurt her elbow doing a flick and the coach thought it ought to be looked at hospital. I phoned my husband as he was going to be the one picking her up anyway and also told him that I was on my way too as I was concerned. I got there first and was just leaving the gym when he pulled up. He looked at the elbow and dismissed it as nothing and then proceeded to lay into me about why I was there and I had overreacted. I was concerned that the coach had phoned me and wanted to check -
Why shouldn't I be there?! We took her to hospital and turns out nothing too much wrong but husband hasn't spoken to me since and I've just come to bed
He thinks I Molly coddle our DD but I think the way he speaks to her sometimes is appalling - he's very intolerant of 11 year old behaviour
He makes me feel so sad and I feel like I'm walking on egg shells most of the time, but the other times he's perfectly fine.
I just don't know what to do - I know I would be happier without him but I'm worried about the business and getting my fair share and I'm so scared to actually tell him. He can be very vicious with his words and it frightens me.
What should I do?

It's best that you leave with DD. he sound like an arsehole that you do not need around you both it isn't healthy. Seek financial advice and give women's aid a call for help.

It definitely isn't healthy but I'm stuck in such a rut it's hard to see a way out. I feel sick about initiating a conversation with him about it. He would never the home - that would need to be me and DD . Don't know where to start with it

*leave the home

Sorry you are going through this and im not the best person to offer advice as im going through a similar situation and feel like I dont know whats the best way to deal with it.
just wanted to let you know you're not the only one going through this and it hurts. We had a business together too, I have chosen to walk away because its easier for me to go no contact (as much as you can when you have kids) than try to sort it out right now, maybe its something I can deal with in time but not right now. Although its wierd and lonely, I am so much better already without him (only been a matter of weeks so far) I dont feel anxious all the time or unhappy that I am accepting behaviour I wouldnt want my daughter to accept, I feel positive for the future I can shape for me and the kids and can only advise that if you do leave, take time to be kind to yourself, see friends (if he hasnt isolated you from them) and keep busy. Everyone thinks my ex is wonderful too and I wont badmouth him because it would damage the business (which I want to do well for the kids sake) but I know what he is like and I know im happier on my own, and the kids will be too in time, they actually havent taken it as bad as I thought they would.
Good luck whatever you decide, but remember we are only here for a short time and you deserve to be happy as much as anyone else xx

He humiliates you,is rude you, dismisses you with "whatever"! This isn't how to treat an equal loved one in marriage, partnership. He's taking the piss horrible git. He's demanding and draining you. Put you and DD first and try not to think about upsetting others. They are not in your position, you are. It can be scary and not easy to leave. But be brave put plans into place slowly.

Get out. He's a prick.

Thank you both, it's good to know that I'm not the one being unreasonable. I do have to sort out some finances - I will need to find somewhere for me and DD to go and all my money is tied up in the business, which I'm sure will disappear if I leave work. I"
I'm not sure what he can do legally with it, but he's very sly and cunning.
Not sure how to even bring up the subject of leaving....

You need a plan to leave this arsehole. You will need to copy all paperwork relevant to family finances and the business, but first you need to see a solicitor for proper legal advice about protecting yourself and your dd .

Seeking legal advice re the business is a must first. I would not tell him you are leaving until you are sure of the situation. This is because he is already verbally abusive to you and he could behave in an even more frightening way. You sound like you have some measure of him being cunning so gather up all information that you need financially and do not let him try and fuck you over. Knowledge is power! You will be a lot happier without this oxygen thief around you and DD.

probably talk to womens aid and get some support whilst planning the practicalities of leaving, although having said that, thats what I planned to do but once I decided I had had enough I just blurted it out as I couldnt bear it any longer.
whatever way you say the words, it sounds like they need to be said and you will deal with whatever happens next when it happens. Women are very strong and resilient especially when they are fighting for a better life for their kids, I thought it would be impossible to walk away but knowing in my heart its the right decision gives me the strength to take all the crap he tells me about how awful I am and not let it get to me as I am focused on a better tomorrow.

I can also empathise completely w your situation as I too have been running a business w my husband for over 10 years we r 50:50 partners and although he hasn't spokn to me in such a rude way has unmind me with ideas, decisions, management of stsff and it has taken its toil big time especially as we have also had money worries. You need to do what is best for youband your DD. It doesn't sound from what you are saying that it is a v healthy happy environment to bring up a child. Although the mood swings and behaviour you report maybe indicative of another problem underlying medical condition e.g. aspergers or drink problem which has gone undetected
In my own situation it has taken me to confront my hisband and ask him to move into spare room for him to realise there is a problem
I hope you can sum up the courage to lesve and have a much cslmer, happier life with your DD. Remember you have rights as a partner and you are entitled to receive your share even if it means tsking him to court
Hope that helps

Only you can do it OP, go get advice and arm yourself with some control.

The thought and the initial aftermath will be traumatic but staying with an abusive arsehole for the rest of your life surely millions times worse, not to mention the detrimental affect on your children.

You are currently teaching your child that it's normal for a partner to abuse their wife - so wrong, and you will regret that later on at least when you look back no?

Just do it, it's surely better than staying.