Feeling alone

[Bloodywellhowmuch]

I posted recently about my DH telling me he was leaving me and I feel very raw about it all.

He told me on Thursday of last week and I insisted that the children were told first (21, 15 and 13). He didn't know what to say to them so I did the talking and he added bits about its nothing to do with them etc but it was my conversation with them.

I told our best friends (they called in for coffee) who both said not a lot and left quickly, DH wasn't there so it's not as if it was a strained atmosphere, and our male friend asked out DH to go for a bike ride to talk to him, female friend went shopping and hasn't contacted me.

I told my dad who asked me what had I done to make him want to leave. That was a short conversation.

And then DH told his parents yesterday who have offered to support him in any way they can (that's what he told me last night) but didn't ask after me but did ask after the kids.

I can't get my head round anyone not calling me/texting me to see if I am alright? How I am dealing with it? As if no one cares. I haven't done anything wrong, I am the one who was cheated on, I'm the one who has spent the summer trying to repair our 23 year marriage and move on past the hurt, whilst he has been getting his head round moving out and detaching from us.

I know people don't know what to say but to say nothing? I already feel low and unworthy and this is adding to it. I know I can call people and ask for help but I just want someone to ask me if I'm ok.

That's bloody awful. . As for your Dad what the hell? Have you siblings more sincere other friends to talk to?
Not that you should have to but perhaps helping them with how they can be supportive (...so that's happened, i really need someone to say / do / listen to ...).

And. I realise I also missed the point. How are you today?

Try not to worry too much. You may be just feeling incredibly sensitive and reading into people's reactions. Try and give them (aside from your silly father) the benefit of the doubt for now - they may just be feeling really awkward about the situation and not know how to react. Have you tried contacting your friend?
What is the public line that has been put out for the split?

Sighing - thank you for asking - I'm feeling very raw and burst in to tears for no reason and slightly hungover from the bottle of red I drank last night.

Long story but I am now an only (my younger brother died in 1996 aged 20) and my mum passed away 10 years ago, dad is very self centred and can't see beyond his next whisky bottle. He did say that he would normally go and ask his dad how to advise me but as my grandpa is dead he can't. I felt pretty shite when dad left.

I have a very small social circle due to being a bit introverted and there are not many people in my life to have a real life conversation with.

Asteria - sorry I feel like I'm drip feeding now.

DH had an affair earlier in the year but claims he isn't leaving me for an OW.

The kids have been told it's because we don't love each other enough anymore although I suspect that after they all see each other this weekend they will call BS on that and demand to know more.

Everyone else who has been told knows it's because the affair damaged our relationship.

Oh Bloody, sorry you are going through this. I know it isn't easy when you are naturally introverted, but try and keep contacts going with your friends. Dynamics change with separations unfortunately, but you will soon work out which friends you get to keep!

Can you get emotional support from your children, at those ages they may be mature enough to cope.

I suspect the female friend of the couple you mentioned is either 1) giving you space, or 2) feeling caught in the middle.

I would send her a text.

Of course you're raw. This is a horrible betrayl. It's hard to present a 'reasonable' line that you don't love each other. Don't hold it in though. As you are usually introverted your friends probably believe you to be strong / self contained. Just a 'and I'm finding it near impossible to keep my calm alone on this one' will hopefully shake someone from realising the usual dynamic needs to adapt for now.
Take care of you.

I'm sorry you don't have anyone supportive around you. People can be shit sometimes and let us down in our time of need. It's terrible to have to deal with that feeling of betrayal on top of the original source of pain.

A lot of people just don't know how to deal with other people's emotional pain, and are clumsy or just avoid you instead. It's shit but it's not their fault, in a way: they just aren't equipped to be the people you need right now.

I would suggest not adding to your suffering by trying to squeeze blood from a stone. Instead, can you find a professional? Counsellors are people who are good at empathy, and who want to provide a listening ear and a safe environment for people, like you, who are suffering. If your RL network is failing you, a professional counsellor can be worth their weight in gold.

You need and deserve support right now. I think you should seek it from people who are able to give it.

I'm really sorry to hear you are having such a hard time.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I have felt the same after a different event where no one, just no one 'heard' how distressed I was, what a crisis I was in, how my life had been turned upside down and would never be the same again. They cared how what had happened would impact on their lives and looked at me baffled, didn't know what to say or do so did nothing. They will now have to deal with her for years, I don't. I walked away, for good.

In a crisis some of us find we are alone with it. It's such a shock to feel so let down, takes a lot of coming to terms with...and I look at many people differently now. Here, in distress, the Samaritans office is open for face to face talking. It helps a lot. Also e mail them, they will reply...or of course phone them in the lonely moments.

My personal way of dealing with it all has been to distract, get busy, leave them to it, find new activities, get on with my own life knowing that the person who hurt me will never have the chance to hurt me again.

Find a good counsellor, do things which soothe you, look after yourself, eat well, exercise, not too much smoking or drinking, look up social activities where you live. Maybe ask your GP is there is a course/support group for you to join.

Things will change, someone kind will help you, probably someone you would not expect to. I feel for you, and I hope things get better very soon for you.