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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My partner left his wife and kids for me

15 replies

AdviceColumn · 03/12/2006 19:06

I knew he missed his kids terribly, but I thought we were happy. Then one of his children refused to see him if he was living with me. Tha family came up with an ultimatum - the kids or me. He said if leaving me was the only way to be with his boys, that's what he'd have to do.

He also said that if he had to make it work with his ex-wife he would. I told him that I loved him and didn't want him to leave. I left it a week, then sent a text. Eventually, he texted back, saying he loved me. The confusing thing is, he also says he needs his boys. It isn't clear where I stand. Its breaking my heart. Should I just let go?

(problem from the SUnday Times Relationship column .... what's your answer???)

OP posts:
kama · 03/12/2006 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

laneydaye · 03/12/2006 19:10

Not sure you want to hear this but he should choose his kids.... (not sure about him working it out with his wife though wouldnt that be blackmail?
Why would the kids not want to see him if he was with you?
He needs to sort out a lot of shit with his wife...

ClementClarkeMoore · 03/12/2006 19:12

Try and make it work with your wife would be my advice. Whoever 'wins' him is on a loser imho.

I find it slightly sad that just serious issues are discussed via texting.

lulumama · 03/12/2006 19:12

let it go.

he should put his boys first.

and find a single man next time.

or accept the sh*t that comes with a father and husband leaving their f family....

lockets · 03/12/2006 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SnafuOutOfHiding · 03/12/2006 19:13

Aaaaah, fairs warms the heart, does it not?

MerryChristmasfromQV · 03/12/2006 19:15

Let it go.

It would be his decision to weigh up the situation, or resolve it appropriately. No-one else could fix this.

ChristmasMoneypenny · 03/12/2006 19:16

Yes, just let go. Act with generosity and grace, and walk away. Give the man a chance.

Glassofwine · 03/12/2006 19:18

why do you want to know?

whensantagotstuckupAITCHimney · 03/12/2006 19:18

i was an agony aunt in a previous life... and my answer would have been simply 'WHOSE partner?'
god i miss that job...

zippitippitoes · 03/12/2006 19:19

yes..is it you by the way

SantasFattymumma · 03/12/2006 19:24

he is a father and his ultimate responsibility is to his children.

he should be with them. if he realy has finished his relationship with his wife he should work on heloign the children deal with that, so that when he next meets someone WHILST HE IS SINGLE they will understand

ChristmasMoneypenny · 03/12/2006 19:24

Whose partner? is a good answer.

Twiglett · 03/12/2006 19:46

no zippi .... I changed my name just to post it so nobody would think it was me by default .. just read it in sunday times and thought wtf? I wonder how a whole big bunch of parents would react to it as a problem

joelallie · 04/12/2006 12:54

She can get another bloke. Sorry don't buy the argument that there's only one partner for anyone - just ask his wife whether she felt she'd found her 'one and only' when she got married ! The children can't get another father.

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