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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Need an outsiders view please

50 replies

jennilou2 · 11/10/2015 23:09

I've been with my fiancé for 18 months but i don't think I should stay with him. For the first 9 months he txt, sent rude pics, continued if single even planing meet ups with other women behind my back. This devastated me when I found out but he believed lying to me was the answer and the lies continued each time I'd find him out. He has changed but upon changing has turned controlling wants to know who I'm texting who's calling me, where I'm going, how long will I be and he always wants to go everywhere with me. I have told him I hate this behaviour as it seems he has trust issues with me when I have never done anything wrong.
Today I have said that if by the end of this month things haven't improved he has to go.
any advice please

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 12/10/2015 21:04

I thought he likely was - for a variety of reasons.

All the best then.

AnyFucker · 12/10/2015 21:31

No big surprise there

Good call, op

Get this tit out of your life.

AnyFucker · 12/10/2015 21:32

He goes tonight, I presume ?

Allalonenow · 12/10/2015 21:34

Stay strong Jenni you know you can do this, and dumping his sorry ass will be the best for you in the long run.

Ignore your foolish Mother. Who would give their beloved daughter such crap advice?!

Forget about worrying about where he will stay, he will stay with a mate, he sounds like a well experienced manipulator, so he will have no problems conning people into helping him.

Also the advice about the Freedom Programme is very good, I think it would help you get a more balanced view about life and your place in it.

All the very best jenni Thanks

Allalonenow · 12/10/2015 21:38

Ah AnyFucker you are always so much more wonderfully laconic than me Thanks

MissApple · 12/10/2015 21:58

Out out out. Tonight.

ChilliAndMint · 12/10/2015 22:13

Get shot of him asap and break this awful cycle that perpetrates your dysfunctional family.

At least you have the good sense to see that leaving this joke of a bloke is the only way forward for yours and your children's happiness.

cozietoesie · 12/10/2015 22:32

How did he react when you told him to go?

Original poster
jennilou2 · 12/10/2015 22:45

He kept protesting his innocence saying that he has changed for me and how much he loves me but when I put in his email address he always said had been hacked into forgot password on the site it was registered. I seriously think he believes his own bs. The site had all his up to date info which if old it would not have and why would anyone go out of there way to register an account in his name with his apparently old email address?

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 12/10/2015 22:49

Is he away putting his stuff in bin bags then?

cozietoesie · 12/10/2015 22:50

PS - it's your house isn't it?

Original poster
jennilou2 · 12/10/2015 22:58

It's my house I never put his name on anything to do with my house luckily, he left no idea where he is but then again why should I worry. Just got to stay strong now , my mother asked me what will I do for company when my kids are with their dad I said I'd get a pet as they are far more loyal funny enough she didn't like that either !

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 12/10/2015 23:23

Get a budgie Grin

AnyFucker · 12/10/2015 23:25

Seriously, I would rather converse with the tiles in my bathroom than have to pretend I didn't have this cock's number

You will get more truth from a budgie.

cozietoesie · 12/10/2015 23:34

He's gone? Excellent! Smile

Remember to change the bedding and have a good long shower or bath. (And if you can't sleep, go through the house and collect anything he's left behind for a bin bag or two. (Or stuff that's yours but you don't want to keep because of him and can be eg charity shopped.)

It sounds as if your Mum isn't too keen on you being strong and independent?

lorelei9 · 12/10/2015 23:47

Good for you. Now you can enjoy the relief.

hellsbellsmelons · 13/10/2015 08:16

Well done OP. You know you deserve better and you have taken action.
You will have wobbles, no doubt about it.
But come on here and vent away and get the lovely 'vipers' on here to tell it like it is to refocus you.

Happyinthehills · 13/10/2015 08:23

Tell your mum that you would be happier on your own.

Original poster
jennilou2 · 14/10/2015 14:16

Update - my kids are over the moon and happy now he's gone esp my 16 yr old who said I could do so much better than him. He is claiming me or my kids have broke his laptop ! We never touch it prick !! My mother is being nicer now my dad told her off lol she has accepted everything .

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 14/10/2015 14:37

Very pleased to see your kids are happy about this.
That will help to keep you focused.
Also very glad your dad is on side as well.
Well done!

myown2feetaregreat · 14/10/2015 14:53

Well done OP, you have shown your children the very best lesson on boundaries. Ignore your mother, you, your children and your budgie Smile will be just fine!

cozietoesie · 14/10/2015 16:39

Well done, jenni. Smile

lavenderhoney · 14/10/2015 20:03

Your dm was so wrong - and your df sounds a sensible bloke. Perhaps run the next one past him early on? My DM was like this, but she wasn't the one getting into bed with him and putting up with his bullshit.

And when your DC are with their dad, you can see friends, go to the gym, and even go on dating sites:) anything is better than being with your ex.

Just ignore him. It's all histrionics and hopefully he will go away. Ignore his texts as well.

Get busy, and don't let on to your DM if you do feel a bit lost. It's normal. Make like a tourist in your home area, check out places to take DC, contact old friends - or stay home and watch nice happy TV and eat crisps:)

HatFullofStars · 14/10/2015 21:24

Well done you, and to your happy kids and to your dad for pointing out that your mother was very wrong (I was going to call her an idiot, but since she's realised her error I'll let her off)

I love that all the people that love you are all delighted this idiot has gone Grin

Original poster
jennilou2 · 15/10/2015 09:07

I'm so much happier, some of my old friends that disliked him and I lost contact with are talking to me again and one of my best friends he is male that my ex didn't like is back in my life. The kids have decided we are getting a dog lol can't believe how much relief I feel, thank you to everyone giving me advice and helping me find the strength to kick him out x

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