I posted on here a few weeks ago under the three Broken Hearted. The simple version is that 3 weeks ago, my boyfriend and I split up. Not because we didn't love each other, but because other issues made it difficult.
I picked myself up, wrote him a letter, and amazing man that he is, he came and talked to me a week later at my house. Again, he was very upset, said his feelings hadn't changed, but that I hadn't been fully committed to the relationship, which I know was true.
I had been terribly hurt, destroyed in fact by a FWB situation, and took over a year to recover, which when I met my bf, had only been a few months. I pushed forward, and went along, and it took time but I did develop feelings for bf. He has given so much, and the only difficulty was that I could not allow him physically into my space, i.e., my home, and was very guarded so as to protect myself.
I did let him come over a few time, and he stayed overnight once, which writing this, for a nine-month relationship seems ridiculous.
I have wanted to let him in and came to that conclusion on my own, before we split, but I never got a chance to show him as he was away for a month, and then another weekend away in September. Then this all happened.
I gave him space, and he messaged on Friday and said he thought we both still had a lot to say to each other. So yesterday he came over, and we went through it all again. I was optimistic he would give me a chance, but I knew in my gut he couldn't.
I'm absolutely gutted. He admitted that it was too much of a risk to be hurt again, which I do understand, but also feel so disappointed that I'll never have the chance to show him how I have changed. His thinking is that it's a knee-jerk reaction to us splitting, but I already knew I wanted to let him in before all of this.
I felt pretty suicidal this morning, but he reassures me that we'll still see each other, and have made plans to meet in half term in a couple of weeks. He's planned to go home to NL for xmas, and I asked him, had this not happened, would he have invited me to go with him. His answer was "hell, yes".
I'm not sure what I'm looking for here. I feel every time we talk I come away with more questions and feel very confused. Do you think it's understandable not to want to give me another chance, or is he just protecting himself? Ive tried to put myself in his shoes, and think what I would do, but I don't know.
Please no blunt messages, I'm not feeling particularly strong or resilient today.....