Will l ever be good enough?

[Whenwillitbeme99]

Feeling so upset and depressed today. Every single relationship l have ever been in has ended because he "didn't want a relationship" and every single time they have been in a new relationship within weeks of ending things with me. What is so wrong with me? Why am l so unloveable? If they were at least honest with me and told me what was wrong with me then at least I'd be able to change but a vague "don't want a relationship" when they clearly do is just leaving me heartbroken and clueless to what is actually wrong with me!

Split up with ex last year after 2 years when l discovered he was cheating, he said he did it because he didn't want a relationship and didn't know how to tell me, he just wanted to be single apparently. 3 weeks later he had changed his relationship status on fb to "in a relationship" with new woman, have heard through friends that a year later they are still sickingly happy.

This summer l started a relationship with lovely new guy, he seemed great, always telling me how happy he was with me and how things were going. Then very suddenly after 3 months he dumped me completely out the blue because "he didn't want a relationship" Now a few weeks later a bit of online stalking has revealed he is already seeing someone else I rather embarrassingly asked him what had been so wrong with me but all l got was vague contradictory remarks about how l wasn't very good at showing my feelings and how he just didn't want a relationship with anyone.

This is just 2 recent examples but there are a couple more including the love of my life ending things for the same reason and then going on to marry the girl he started seeing a month after ending it with me.

I just wish l knew what it was about me that is so repulsive sorry this is so long, I just don't know what to do anymore.

You aren't repulsive you spanner. You just haven't found someone worthy of you yet. These are just practice runs.

Op I could of wrote this post myself.
Depressingly this has happened to me in nearly every relationship.....been happy for some time with someone,they have then gone on to cheat,got the same as you not ready for a relationship crap then have found out a week later they are in new relationships which seem to go the distance.
I to feel that I am never good enough because if I was why do they need to cheat with someone?
No real advice but you are not alone in this,as bad as it sounds it would be nice for me to dump someone for a change instead of always being the one dumped!

I'm sorry you're going through the same thing happyandsingle it's just so hard isn't it? If they would at least give me a proper reason, something concrete that l could work on instead of leaving me wondering and fearing it happening again.

Have spent all day crying my eyes out, l just can't bear this being my future. A constant cycle of investing in relationships with men for them to just dismiss me with a vague "don't want a relationship" I genuinely wonder if there is something missing from me, nobody else l know seems to have this problem holding onto relationships

Hmm When. Maybe it is you, in a way? How are your friendships and family relationships? Any issues there? Have you a best friend who could be brutally honest with you?
If you can form happy and lasting relationships with others, you can do it with a man.
Are you carrying any angst from previous romances that is affecting your behaviour with a new be? Too clingy? Too full on? Sloppy kisser? Picking your dc's names after a first date?
Maybe you have just met the wrong ones and fate is making you wait for the right one? It will happen.

I agree with you when. I to look for an answer why so at least I know where i am going wrong but most men are to cowardly to give real reasons.
Don't beat yourself up about it-i try and reason I just haven't met the right match yet and no doubt it's the same for you.

You're good enough right now.

It sounds like you have crushingly low self esteem. This can permeate into all areas of our lives and really hurt us, it can make relationships especially difficult.

Is there any way you can have some counselling? There are also lots of self help resources out there for raising your self esteem.

I would take a break from dating if I were you, say 6 months/a year, and really work on making yourself feel good, get fit, have counselling/do self help, take up a hobby, have a good declutter and get your head straight. Confidence and high self esteem are essential to a happy life.

Also check out some mindfulness stuff online, it's all about not letting your negative thoughts take hold and being self aware, great stuff.

There's nothing wrong with you, save for low self esteem. You know, that voice telling you right now that you must be unlovable.

Low self esteem IS a relationship-killer, though. It makes people do all sorts of neurotic things, and enter all kinds of unhealthy relationships that are doomed to fail.

So the only thing you need to remove is your belief that you are unlovable and unworthy. Underneath that layer of bullshit beliefs, there you are, perfect just as you are.

Have you ever thought maybe it's just the men you go out with, why do women always blame themselves. Some men are just assholes - it doesn't have to be anything you have done.

Trust me I'm in a similiar situation to you and have got to the point where I refuse to blame myself. For example, last guy I was with cheated on me as forgot to tell me about his FWB buddy that he refused to give up. He's the screwed up one not me - and for once I refuse to blame myself, just see it as a lucky escape.

Please stop blaming yourself - the right one will come along and he won't go anywhere and you will think about all those idiots you went out with

You could just be choosing the wrong men for you. We obviously do subconsciously choose who we fancy and not always well.

You only have to think about how the children of alcoholics choose alcoholics as partners.!

I lacked self esteem until I had counselling. What I did was go on a counselling course. I thought I was going to just take notes. However, when you take a Counselling course you also receive Counselling. It was a real eye opener. In that way I got very reasonable counselling.

I became much more congruent and less of a people pleaser. I also realised that I was attracted to unsuitable blokes. I then met and married my dear DH.
The rest is history.... As they say.

I never became a Counsellor as I also realised that I was far too judgemental. ( A smelly client would have finished me off)

You can't change what has happened to you so far, but you can change your future if you are not sure how you appear to others.

So put together a plan and implement it and don't get too intimate too soon with the next bloke. It is a good start to look at his family IMO.
Best of luck as you actually sound lovely.

Whenwillitbeme99 Sorry to hear this willitbeme but it does seem from many other posters that this behaviour is getting par for the course. Dammed if i know what causes it, perhaps its just a sign of the times it's a sort of selfishness I reckon. I'm sure some will disagree and say its always like that but it seems to me the that on-line dating and the effect of the internet are behind it somewhere. It's like a throwaway society we've become:(

Unfortunately, horrible men are gifted at spotting a woman who has low self esteem. They say all the right things, make you feel like you're really building something whilst continuing to look elsewhere.
These are the men who are intimidated by strong women who can honestly say 'I want what I want and I won't settle for less. I deserve love, respect and to be treated accordingly'

Honestly, it's not you. I agree with pp, take a break from men. It's obvious that you want to meet the one, to love someone and be settled. This is only going to happen with the right man, and you need to be able to firstly spot him and secondly, put strong boundaries in place to protect yourself.

Also, take this from me and all the other posters on this thread - There is NOTHING wrong with you You are a nice person You are worthy of a loving respectful relationship