I honestly don't know where to start.
I'll apologise now for 'drip feeding' if I do but I've known 'D'H for almost 30 yrs. Met when we were about 16 and been together properly since we were about 18. We're now both mid forties.
Anyway. We've lived together for over 20 yrs and married for 19yrs. Have two gorgeous children.
Hand on my heart though, I can't say it's been a particularly great marriage. Bits have been good but loads has been rubbish.
'D'H's parents split when he was small and I honestly wonder if he knows how to actually love someone.
I'm waffling. Basically, we've had problems for ages now but still muddle along for the sake of the kids (15 and 10). We are married with a mortgage. That's where the problems lie.
We clearly both hate each other but try to tolerate each other mostly. He'll often raise his voice to me though in front of the kids even though I ask him not to. I'm not blameless but I do try to shield the kids when I can. They're clearly not stupid though.
He is self employed and supposedly has a super flexible job. When it suits him. (He actually went self-employed when ds was small because he didn't want to miss the important milestones). His super flexible job should mean he can work how much he wants/when he wants. Within reason.
Anyhow. Things have been awful for a long while. I can't possibly go into every detail because not only does it cover years and years but it also might make me quite identifiable.
Suffice to say, ive asked H to look into getting a 'standard' job where he'll get to spend time with us all plus paid holidays but he's point blank refused. Point blank. Says he can't earn the same money 
Anyway, it's got to the point where he generally goes out of the house around 6am before we get up and comes home at around 10pm when we're in bed. He does show up when the kids have activities ect and when he feels like it and we try to tolerate each other as much as we can.
Well, we're married, have a joint account and a mortgage. We are in debt. I've tackled him and asked why he isn't earning more bearing in mind how long he's out of the house 'working'. I asked for weeks and weeks for a run down of his hours worked/money earned. After lots of nagging he'll produce a week of 'figures'. Several weeks later I then need to ask AGAIN!!!!
Today he's presented me with figures from the past 10 days. He rarely works more than 10 out of ghe16 hours that he's away from the house.
I know he comes back when I'm at work to have breakfast/shower which takes about an hour but when I ask what he does in the other countless missing hours he says he can't remember!!!!!!! Really????!!!!
I honestly don't think he's cheating but I just feel such a mug that I'm with working or at home looking after OUR children and he can't even tell me what he's wasting his time on!
He tries to turn everything around and says he'll get me to write down how I spend my day too ...... errr that'll be working and then coming home and sorting everything in the house!
There's so much more but I can't write 20 odd years down in one go. I give up 