Leap year/women proposing to men

[JohnnyB123]

Why do people say "February the 29th on a leap year is the only day when women can propose to men" when they know full well that women can propose to men on any day they want? The people who quote this tradition don't usually really have anything against women who propose on a different day, so why do people keep quoting it?

I find it offensive that anyone would DARE tell women when they can and can't propose. I don't want to get married so I have no personal stake in this. It's the sexism of it that offends me.

I also find the tradition of the father (or anyone else) "giving away" the bride offensive. She's not anyone's possession. I wouldn't try to ban it, because they have a right to do it as long as all parties consent to it. But I have a right to say I find it offensive.

Oh for smegs sake. My wife asked me almost 25 years ago and she did not wait for any weird 'social permission' day. Get with the times and bury this archaic 'special snowflake' thinking that women eternally wait or, worse, hint and pester the manly man to exercise his manly manliness... because Man. If my daughters were in such an archaic mindset would be mortified.

In reply to DadWasHere: Well said! I wish more people thought like you.

My dsd said at the dinner table yesterday that I shouldn't start eating until my DP picked up his cutlery as he was head of the table - I told her that if I ever needed a mans permission to eat then she could shoot me. I'm also not being given away by my DF. My 4 sons will walk me up the aisle because I want to share it with them.

It is a silly tradition, though I do admit that I proposed to DH on leap day, simply because the time was right. If it wasn't, I wouldn't have waited another 4 years or for him to make the move, though. It was something we'd already been discussing.

And a wedding proposal should be a proper conversation, really. I find the idea of a man proposing out of the blue and a woman acting all surprised and flattered just as silly as the idea of women only being allowed to do the same thing on one day, every 4 years.

I know women who still wanted that; that their fiancé to be talk to their father first. And they'd consider themselves modern and all. They'd see themselves as feminist because they keep their own name and earn their own money but like, is it a class thing? My fiance knows how to behave.

What about your mum and dad walking you up the aisle!?

"And a wedding proposal should be a proper conversation, really. I find the idea of a man proposing out of the blue and a woman acting all surprised and flattered just as silly as the idea of women only being allowed to do the same thing on one day, every 4 years."

I agree with this. Women can't sit around passively waiting to find out if a man wants to get married. Is she supposed to just figure it out really slowly??????

In reply to SmillasSenseOfSnow: Why did you find the coincidence cute? Why aren't you angry that there's a tradition that would dare tell women when they should and shouldn't propose?

Switch the word 'cute' for 'mildly interesting' then.

The only way I would get so wound up about the fact of there having existed a tradition whereby women could/should only propose as an absolute exception would be if I were a man for whom this was one of the very first introductions to the shower of shit that is the patriarchy and women's centuries-long oppression.

Welcome to the issue. Go do some reading instead of trying to accuse women of not being angry enough at the first minor (and arguably historical rather than current) manifestation of sexism you happened to stumble across.

In reply to SmillasSenseOfSnow: "Welcome to the issue. Go do some reading instead of trying to accuse women of not being angry enough at the first minor (and arguably historical rather than current) manifestation of sexism you happened to stumble across."

I've been studying feminism for over 30 years. Radical feminism, socialist feminism, liberal feminism, libertarian feminism, post-modernist feminism, pro-porn feminism, anti-porn feminism, sex-positive feminism, anti-censorship feminism, lesbian separatist feminism, you name it. The reason I get wound up about the "small stuff" is because other people don't. Loads of people get angry about the "big stuff". Maybe it's time to get angry about the "small stuff" as well.

I have a vague memory of a second part of the tradition of women proposing on the 29th Feb, that if the man declined he had to buy the woman a silk dress. Equally proposterous.
I agree Johnny - sometimes is good to sweat the small stuff as the big stuff is just too damn big.

Yep DPotter. The "big stuff" already has lots of people angry about it, so I've decided to fill in the gap and get angry about the "small stuff"!

There's nothing wrong with 'sweating the small stuff'.

You've decided to get angry about 'the small stuff' AND to try to police other people's reactions to 'the small stuff' when they don't match your expectations...

I'm amazed anyone proposed to anyone, why is it necessary? Just discuss it like adults and agree when is the right time.

In reply to SmillasSenseOfSnow: I'm not policing people's reactions. Just challenging them. People have a right to think/believe/feel whatever they want, and I have a right to challenge them.

Having said that, I know I can be over-obsessive about the smaller issues, and that's not always a good thing.

I know two women who proposed to their husbands, though both were older and all four people had been married before. Maybe that makes a difference?

My DP isn't a very traditional person but he did say that he wouldn't be happy if I'd proposed to him as he definitely wanted to ask. I was happy with that because I wanted to be asked!

To me, 29th February is special enough because it's my dad's birthday

If you're both happy with it that's fine, but it should never be a "rule" of society.

Don't stop challenging stuff.

I agree that there's something terribly... I don't know... disappointing? in the fact that the majority seem to be all too happy to hold on to remnants of a quite horrific setup of the past.

...if you can call it a setup of the past. I find myself identifying more and more with radical ideas and plan on finding something to read about the idea that the entire marital/pairing construct is a tool to exploit women's labour. Anyone got any recommendations? What do people consider to be the core intro texts of radical feminism? Or perhaps just something easy to get in to, to start with?

The book "Radical Feminism; Writing and Critical Agency" is for sale on Amazon. But the trouble with radical feminists is that they have a tendency to police people's thoughts, feelings and reactions!