Splitting up when I have a 4 month old

[Ddmcm]

Hi, I have been a long term lurker on the site while off on Mat leave with ds1, this is the first time I've posted. I think I just need some reassurance that I can do this myself! I've been with the father of my child for more than 10 years and to cut a Long story short he is a problem drinker, drinks too much in the house and it disgusts me to write it but he wets the bed! This happens after heavy drinking like at a wedding. He has cut down a lot recently but after last time said he was going to stop.. Tonight at a friends house who I haven't seen for years he's got up in the middle of the night, gone in the wrong room, woken her dad up, threatened him (kept on saying who is this in my house) and weed on the way to the bathroom. Now he is back in bed snoring while I'm awake next to my son.
I'm so angry and embarrassed and I know he's never going to stop!!!
I know I have to change something, it's just going to be so hard

It will be hard but you can absolutely do it. I couldn't stay with someone who drank like that and behaved like that, how awful for you :( how are you this morning OP? Hope you managed to get some sleep last night?

If you want to leave don't let the age of your child stop you. My sister split with her partner of 10 years when their d's was 3

Oops

3mo. They are both happier, both brilliant parents and dn will never know any different!

You can absolutely do this. I left my dds dad when she was 6 months old after a 5 year relationship. Never regretted it and now she is nearly 13 and has a relationship with him (although he has now moved to the USA)! I am happily remarried and now have a young son with my new husband. Life is too short to be miserable, in some ways it easier to leave when children are so young as they don't really have a clue what's going on and grow up with it always having been the norm.

I did it. I left my ex when ds was 6 months, the same reasons as you. It's not normal to drink until you fall over or piss yourself. I was always waiting for him to show me up or stumble in.
It's soul destroying and frustrating in the extreme when you've got this beautiful baby, who you would do anything for and want the very best for and his dad's just pissing it all up the wall (literally sometimes) and can't even look after him on his own because you never know what you will come back to.
Ds is 6 now, he's healthy, doing well at school, popular, funny and most importantly happy. I think that's because I'm happy, and all the energy I would have spent worrying and being ashamed and skint, I've used on my ds and building a good life for us both without ex dragging me down.
I'm married to a wonderful man who's a fantastic step dad. ex is better, lots of ups and downs along the way but he's got a good relationship with ds and he is a good dad.
It's not been easy, but I'm really happy and so proud of my son. You can do it.

Gosh, it sounds like your life will be considerable easier without him! You don't need a dead weight. Concentrate on your son and on being the best mum you can. Ditching a man-child who is aggressive and pisses himself is a massive step in the right direction!

Yes you can do it . There's lots of support out there

Have you tried Al anon ? Mu sister found it changed her life , as she no longer felt responsible for fixing the problem and encouraged her to look at her own choices / options

How old is your baby and when do you go back to work ?

Sorry , I ve just seen your baby is 4 Months < doh>

You certainly can do it yourself, OP, and it will be better in the long run for your son not to have too much contact with an alcoholic father.

I would imagine that you will find your friends will be very supportive as I doubt this is the first time he has embarrassed you in front of others with his drunken idiocy.

I split up with my problem drinking exH when my kids were 4yo and 6yo. I SO wish I had got out earlier. He kept promising he'd change, stop drinking, go to AA. He would, for a few days, weeks, even months (once) but he'd always go back to the booze.
Like yours, when he was drunk, he'd embarrass me in front of my friends and family, become verbally abusive and wet the bed. I'm still angry with myself for being such a mug and giving him so many chances.
Don't be the mug I was. Life is a million times better without him.
Good luck to you.

Also, I'd second the suggestion you get in touch with Al-Anon. I found they really helped me to look at myself rather than focussing on exH all the time.

Hi, thanks for the messages
Seldom athleticfc, he is exactly like that, always making promises and I give him another chance, but I'm always on tenterhooks waiting for the next thing to happen...
I will look at al- anon, I think the main thing is I don't want Ds seeing this sort of behaviour

Why did you have a baby with this man when you had known him for years and knew what he was like?

Condaleeza, that is none of your, or our, business.

Condaleeza

well I don't want to speak for the Op , but I'd imagine it's all the usual reasons. Like

She loves him
She wants to believe his promises to change
They've been together for a long time and built a life together
She wants to focus on the positives and the times he is a good partner and father
She doesn't want her child to have separated parents
It's hard to support your children on one wage

Etc etc

Just all the reasons MOST of us have stayed in situations where we should have left . Or are you the only poster on Mumsnet who has never done anything that they later regret ? It must be great to be so perfect

Wow Condaleeza wtf is wrong with you to ask someone seeking help and support an obnoxious question like that? Do you actually think OP should justify her child's existence? To you? Disgusting.

OP - re "being on tenterhooks" - that is exactly what my life was like, constantly on edge, waiting for the next drama. Almost as soon as he had left it was as if I could exhale for the first time in years.

Please please leave him now. 4 months ago I left my husband (yes I was stupid enough to marry him) over a drinking problem.
He will promise you over &I over it'll be the last time. It won't. I had an experience when my DD1 was 5months old where I packed my bags. That was 5 years ago and another child ago. You don't want to spend any more of your life waiting for him to change. I can't tell you how soul destroying it is when it doesn't happen.
You can do it on your own!

When I saw this heading I thought it's better to stay with such a young baby but now I've read your post I agree with the others that it's no use staying with him as it doesn't look like he's going to stop drinking and behaving in this dreadful way. If he really cannot get this drinking under control it's best to not have a child brought up with this type of alcohol abuse. Hope things work out.