Advice on moving on when you are forced to see someone every day

[marzipanmaggie]

I have had a very loose involvement with someone who I work with. Stopped well short of a relationship, very little of a physical nature has actually taken place but its been a bit of an emotional thing. It's been mutually agreed that it can't progress. Leaving aside the fact that we work together which in itself is a big dealbreaker there are numerous reasons which I won't go into for fear of outing myself why it has absolutely no future and can't possibly go anywhere (neither of us is in a relationship or married but there are lots of other roadblocks). On the surface all is fine, there's been no drama or awkwardness and the working relationship has survived. But there is a "situation" in the background and I'm finding it very very difficult to stop thinking about it and its holding me back from moving on.

Has anyone got any positive stories on having dealt with this in the past? I have had one previous workplace relationship a long time ago and that didn't end well at all, ended with my having to find another job. Which is why I'm aware that this is a bad road to go down. This is not an acute situation where I have to get out, its manageable. I like my job and don't want to move and am not sure it would be that easy to move. I need to learn how to get this out of my head. Has anyone else successfully done this without moving on? Any advice? Is it just a case of waiting until is passes?

anyone?

I work with my ex. We met before becoming colleagues and then the most suitable jobs were in the same organisation. It's trite to say it but time has made it normal and I'm careful what we talk about never letting the conversation stay into territory I don't want.

Yes, similar situation but without the "situation in the background" - he started seeing someone else at work, made it much easier to get over him, knowing he was now taken stopped the ruminating quite quickly.

Lesson learned the hard way though, workplace relationship are mostly trouble. Hope you feel better soon.

How big is your workplace? Is there any way of moving departments or roles so that you don't have to have contact with him so often?

Just realised my post didn't actually help at all! Sorry.

pocketsavious it's not big enough for me to move far enough away to minimise the contact, no.

To be honest, being actually at work with him is not a huge problem, that's manageable. Its just the extra-curricular factor. I've tried to limit this to almost nothing but its quite hard in practice because its a sociable workplace and he also got a bit offended that I tried to do this.

I'm perfectly capable of managing it in a professional way day to day in my place of work, its just that at the moment I effectively have to cut myself off from the social side of life at work which is a) impractical and would be commented upon and b) depressing, because I like it and feel cut off from others.

are you expected to be at social events, I know I've worked at places where it was expected and management thought badly for non attendance. Have you children? Perhaps use childcare issues as an excuse until you feel ready?

OneStep yes we are expected to do the social thing and not just for the sake of good work relations, it's part of the business model... Company relies on this for bringing in business.