Ok, STBXH left about 2.5yrs ago. We have a 6yr old dd and 3yr old twins. He wasn't very nice. If you met him you'd think he was gorgeous, a charmer and a Disney dad but he wasn't. He was never abysmally awful. Never smacked us around but he touched on the edges of violence really. He was violent to dts once. He would never consider himself abusive at all and I think would be really hurt if it was suggested. He was pretty controlling - not to the extent of stopping me going out/monitoring my calls. More to the finding something small wrong every time I cooked, not wanting me on the phone, calling me messy, finding something wrong with the way my hair was, the way I'd washed up, not letting me have extra money for anything. The small things really. I didn't want to upset him. So I tried hard not to.
Anyway the divorce has now started, we're about 6 months in from me filing. We've exchanged financials and his was a joke (he got several things wrong). Anyway, now he's had to see a solicitor he's realising the cost and he doesn't want to keep spending money on solicitors. My solicitor says I should get most of the house because there's 4 of us versus one of him so the equity should be split like that. Today STBXH said he isn't bothered about pensions etc and the bits and bobs but he wants 50% of the equity. He wants us to sort it out ourselves rather than through the solicitors to save the money.
I can't stand up to him. I can't say that I want more than 50%. I can't say that. I have wanted my solicitor to do all the confronting for me as I can't confront STBXH. How do I? I am honestly a strong woman but I can't. I go absolutely frozen at the thought of confronting him. I feel sick now several hours later, more at my utter incompetence than anything. He keeps saying how he's telling his solicitor that he and I talk and it's all nice and we can sort it out. He doesn't know he's manipulative. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle him.
Please don't tell me to 'man up'. I need practical advice. Please