Xbox issues - addicted Husband

[Gosling90]

I should start by saying we have a beautiful 5 month old baby, and that my Husband works VERY hard to look after us both... but I hate that blooming Xbox!

It consumes him! Any spare second he's on it, and if he's not playing on it he's on his phone/laptop/tab researching, or nagging me to be on it. He was also staying up late on a night to game rather than coming to bed with me or catching up on sleep, keeping in mind our baby isn't a great sleeper and wakes in the night for feeds.

I didn't want to dictate what he could and couldn't do, so I asked him a few weeks ago what he thought was fair and he said he'd just set aside Friday and Saturday night 8.30 while 12 and I'd see to the baby... but on Wednesday night I went to bed early and woke at 11.20 and he wasn't in bed... he was downstairs on the Xbox! He said he thought that if I was in bed it didn't matter so we put it down to miscommunication and said we would try again.

We are on holiday this week, and when we were packing he asked if he could take it!!! I suggested that maybe he should leave it as it would only be two nights he'd be missing and there isn't a lot of room in the car, so he did leave it behind. Of course day one of our jollies and what is he doing...on the laptop researching weapons or something!

He is addicted, it consumes him and he does admit it. But what do I do?

I'm so so so fed up. I feel like he's a naughty child going behind my back. I feel a bit hurt to be honest. I've told him how I feel and he said he would give it a rest for this week (his choice not my request) but how are we supposed to continue when we get home?

He never puts the game before us (he would stop gaming and come help me if I ask), he works really hard, he does night shifts with the baby, and always helps round the house. Sometimes I think I'm unreasonable, but he gets a whole lunch hour to himself, can go to the toilet on his own and gets both a shower AND breakfast in a morning (sometimes I don't even have time to wash my hair).

Sigh

If you're in bed and asleep why does it matter?

It's not just when I'm in bed. And once in a while I do like him to come to bed at the same time because often it's the only time we get 5 mins to ourselves for pillow talk or cuddle x

Is he playing World of Warcraft, or a similar MMPORG? There have been cases of people becoming addicted to these sorts of games, due to the reward-gratification cycle they set up (deliberately.)

I would say though that if you are asleep then he should be able to do what he wants. If he's come home from work though, then he should be spending time with you and babby and not glued to the controller.

But I got the impression he'd done that and then when you woke up you discovered he'd got back up and went downstairs. That's the bit I don't get why you're bothered about it? Surely the ideal time for him to do it is when you're asleep? If he's come to bed with you and done the chat thing then does it make any odds?

He's not addicted (an addiction is a serious psychological state and you say he puts you before gaming- that's not addiction)- it's a habit.

It's something he enjoys and likes to do. It sounds like he doesn't prioritise it over his responsibilities as a partner or a Dad?. If he loses sleep because of it but that doesn't affect you or your child i'm not sure why you're so bothered?.

If he's done everything family related (you sat he does) and you're asleep, I don't see what's bad about him doing it?.

No that night he didn't come to bed with me. He said he was just going to sort the feeds out before bed... And in theroy I have no issue with him gaming while I'm sleeping... But as I've said its not just when I'm in bed and he's putting gaming before his own sleep and then he's shattered the next day for work/weekend with us x

Re - reading your OP again, you're being so unreasonable. You say he works VERY hard to support you and DC, never puts the game before you, does night shifts with the baby and always helps around the house.

But you want him to sit in silence doing nothing when you're asleep rather than play a game he enjoys when it sounds like he he works and comes home, does all he should and that's it.

I understand you're bitter that he gets a lunch break and a chance to go to the toilet on his own when at work. But you say he works very hard at work for his family.

And he does his bit at home. Mum bitterness at their DP doing 'normal' stuff at work is common but it is bitterness.

You've got a good DP doing all he should and not fucking off with mates or hobbies or whatever. You are very unreasonable.

It consumes him! Any spare second he's on it, and if he's not playing on it he's on his phone/laptop/tab researching, or nagging me to be on it

Completely unacceptable.

We're all entitled to fowntime and hobbies but every spare second? i think not!

I think you're being unreasonable. If it was reading a book or watching a tv series would that be okay? For many people they don't see gaming as a proper hobby. It is.

My dh has a PlayStation and games a lot, most evenings when I'm making dinner and our youngest is already in bed and I like to go to bed early so I leave him downstairs playing till the early hours a lot. We do have time in the middle for a film / tv / sex (!) or whatever so it's fine. He works 55 hours a week for us and we also have a severely autistic child so if it helps him to unwind so what? I just find something else to do (usually mumsnet or crochet)!

While I'm leeeaning towards you're being a smite unreasonable I'm wondering where is your down time? If your only down time is pillow talk and a cuddle then I understand where you're coming from.

His gaming isn't excessive in the grand scheme and it's my favourite way of unwinding, I would sit up and take notice of my husband has more or less said he's feeling neglected.