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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bullying Ex husband

3 replies

Flapjacksmad · 10/10/2015 17:26

Hello,

My ex left me 4 years ago to be with someone else. He has moved 250 miles away. I bought him out of the house we co-owned and still live here with our 2 dd's. I work full time and am 100% committed to caring for the girls myself. Anyone with children knows that although this is very rewarding a lot of the time there is a lot of juggling involved and I don't get much time to myself at all. I do not go out during the week or do anything really very much for myself during the week other than go to work and food shopping, taxi driver etc. (I don't complain, I am happy to do this as this is my job as a mother but just want to explain the situation.) Dd's are 10yrs and 13yrs. Ex husband has the girls normally every other weekend and for some of holidays. Since we split he has tried to be controlling, and sent lots of abusive emails, and sometimes threatening. He has been underhand and also blind copied dd's into emails between ourselves. He has texted them to praise them when they have disobeyed me. He is certainly not the man I once married. He tells me constantly that i am bitter, need to move on etc even though there is no bitterness (although I do not like or trust his new wife - she is an old friend of mine and they had an affair) and I have a boyfriend, who I see at weekends - we do not live together.

Ex has complained constantly about the journey he has to make to collect the girls and bring them back. He and his wife seem to think I should be helping them out. Not specifically in any way but 3 weeks ago when ex had the girls he texted to say he would only bring them back half way and I would need to meet and collect them. If I did not turn up he would take them back to his house and if I wanted them back I would have to travel all the way to his. In the end I went to collect them as was worried what effect this would have on the girls if I did not turn up.

I have seen lawyer for a 45min meeting who gave me the run down on my options but it seems that there is a possibility if we end up going to Court the judge could decide to order me to do half the journey and I would have paid a lot of money for the same sort of outcome. I don't have a lot of spare money. Dd's are with ex now and I am just waiting for a text to tell me to make the trip again to collect the girls.

My point is that I don't see why I should be making the journey over and above everything else I do. He does not get involved with their life here at all, does not come to school teacher meetings and does not like to be involved with their social life here at all. I do absolutely everything for the girls - school, take them to ballet and piano etc and my weeks are very busy.

Does anyone know what is likely the judge would order if this went to Court. Thanks in advance.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 10/10/2015 17:50

I only have secondhand experience of this from a couple of friends, but yes they were ordered to do a halfway swapover.

I know it feels hugely unfair, but I think you have to put the DDs first and tell yourself you're doing it for THEIR benefit, not his.

springydaffs · 10/10/2015 18:28

Oh I do feel for you Flowers

It MAY be likely the judge would order halfway pickups but you have evidence he is still abusing you - I do hope you've kept those vile emails?! Iiwy I'd contract Women's Aid to see what they say - it could be that ex's flagrant abuse is taken into account when the decision is made.

Well done for surviving this vile man, for keeping going, for being a wonderful mum to your girls Flowers Star Flowers

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 10/10/2015 18:45

Do your girls want to spend every other weekend with him? At their ages their feelings on the matter should count for a lot. What was their response to be blind-copied in to your communication with him?

If you weren't able to collect them from a half-way point I suspect this controlling twat would expect you to pay their train-fares to and from.

Does this prick pay you any child-support?

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